Page 17 of Out in the Open

Don’t look at them.

“Maybe boring is the wrong word,” he said. “But I saw you hanging with Preston by the beer pong game earlier. You just seemed so…stiff.”

“This is my first gay party.”

“Did you just come out?”

He bit his lip. He was too drunk and too angry to lie. “No.”

The kid took a sip of his beer.

“I was nervous! I didn’t know if we were on a date or not.”

“Even so, you weren’t saying much. Your body language was like a nun. You were like a fun vortex. No offense.”

“You can’t just say that whenever you want to be mean.” Ethan didn’t leave. He didn’t like the abuse, but he was always so curious how he looked to others. It was rare to get a third-person point of view of yourself.

“I’m sorry. Seriously.” He took a sip of his beer. “You just gotta loosen up.”

“And be like Blake?”

“Who’s Blake?”

“The guy making out with my date.” And now Ethan looked again. Yep. They were still going at it.

“Forget them. You just need to have some fun.”

“I know how to have fun.”

“I’m talking about real fun, the kind where you’re laughing for no reason.”

When Ethan thought about it, though, when was the last time he had had real fun? College was supposed to be a party. For him, it’d been more of a dinner party.

“Easier said than done,” Ethan said.

“Not really. Shake some shit up.” The kid clamped Ethan’s arms and shook. It was a good thing Ethan had drank all of his jungle juice already.

Ethan glanced at the guy, noticed that he was actually kind of cute. Ethan had only kissed one guy before, and it had been an awkward experience. Pleasurable only because it happened, not because the actual act had been great. Maybe now was the time to start having fun.

In a move that rocked Ethan’s insides with nerves, he stroked the guy’s hairless arm up and down with his finger. “Do you wanna dance?”

“You’re not my type.” The kid peered down, and it was then that Ethan noticed his breasts. And his delicate cheekbones with complete lack of stubble.

“Sorry,” Ethan said.

“I’ll take it as a compliment,” she said.

Φ

Ethan didn’t wait for Preston. He had slightly more social acumen and self-respect than that. On his walk home, alone, he gritted his teeth and clenched his fists, daring a mugger to attack him in this state.

He had one of those life epiphanies that usually came from terrible experiences such as this. Ethan had always believed that he was just quiet and shy, that his real personality would shine once people got to know him.

Nope.

He had been quiet and shy in high school, too. He’d opted for blending in and not causing a blip on anyone’s radar rather than expose his true, gay self. He was convinced, though, that once he came out in college, it would all be different.

Nope.