Page 50 of Our Little Dove

This is fucked up on so many levels.

Why would they take such measures to obfuscate my identity in this video?

Is it to protect me from the eyes of who-knows how many strangers, or perhaps to make the footage more alluring and mysterious to their viewers?

The cursor on the computer screen winks at me again, taunting me with the possibility of more answers, and I’m notgoing to stop until I get them. I want to hear it from them. Ineedto hear it.

A faint glow illuminates my phone’s screen. I left it here with their phones earlier before getting ready to go downstairs. It buzzes with an incoming text that momentarily snaps me out of my blind rage as I read Molly’s message.

Molly:

Hey Lexi! Hope you are doing ok. I’ve got some news…

Her worry is palpable even through the digital distance between us.

Hey M. I’m good. What’s up?

Molly:

Joel and I have been a bit rocky since what happened, and he wants to take me on a trip. Are you sure everything is okay? I don’t want to leave if you need us.

I pause, my fingers hovering over the keyboard as I contemplate my response.

Thanks, but I’m doing fine. Promise. I’m sorry to hear that you guys are having trouble. Go on the trip. You’ll regret it if you don’t go, babe. Have fun, you deserve it. Send lots of photos!

The lie leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, a stark reminder of the tangled web of lies that surrounds me. But I can’t burden Molly with the truth or let her see the fractures in the facade that I’ve carefully built. I’m not “good” or “fine” but I will be.

With a heavy sigh, I hit send and watch as the message disappears into the digital void. I can’t tell either of them what I am doing, and I suppose it’ll be easier if they aren’t around.

Molly:

Lexi… We’ll be away for two weeks. Are you 100% sure everything is fine?

I promise! Have fun. You two need to chill. Seriously. Send my love to Joel and enjoy your trip.

I am happy for them. This however feels like a huge weight off my shoulders as well. The two of them being on a trip means neither of them might stop by and I won’t have to explain what I have hidden in the basement if they were to hear anything or notice the dead bolts on the door.

I leave the office, closing the door behind me and grab some leftovers from the fridge before hopping through a shower and turning in for the night. I’ll pay another visit to my pets in the morning.

Ifucked Fintan.

The memory has been replaying in my mind on a continuous loop since it happened.

My mind is a whirlwind of emotion as I sit here, chained and utterly at the mercy of our plaything turned captor, the weight of what Alex forced me to do pressing down on me like a leaden cloak.

I steal a glance at him, his features drawn tight with tension, the fire in his eyes burning bright despite the darkness that surrounds us. But beneath his facade of strength, I can sense the turmoil that churns within him, the same turmoil that threatens to consume me whole.

Fintan’s words hang heavy in the air:“Kai, we’ll be fine. This doesn’t need to change anything.”

How do we move past this? It did change everything.

My heart pounds frantically as I try to process his words, desperately clinging to the flicker of hope they offer amidst the chaos of my own mind.

How can he say it doesn’t need to change anything when everything feels different now? Everything about me feels different…

I struggle to meet his gaze, the weight of my unspoken truth pressing heavily on my chest. “Fintan,” I start, my voice a strained whisper, “I don’t know how to make sense of any of this. I don’t even know how to make sense of myself anymore.” The admission hangs between us like heavy fog, suffocating the air around us with its raw vulnerability.

His eyes soften, a silent understanding passing between us that speaks more volumes than any words ever could. “Kai, you don’t have to have all the answers right now,” he says, his voice a lifeline in the storm raging within me. “We’ll figure this out together, just like we always do.”