Page 11

Chapter eleven

Gone Tubing

How could Crow be so insufferable and so good-looking at the same time?

I wanted to like him, but OMG—he was so full of himself.

Like he thought he could fix my issues?

Well, fuck him anyway.

I didn’t have problems for him to solve.

He was the problem.

I continued floating along, ignoring everyone else, and honestly, that wasn’t hard to do.

Leaning over the side of the tube, I saw fish dart around below me and swim through the long grasses.

It was like hovering over an aquarium.

Peaceful.

Calming.

Especially since the sun came back out and started heating up the rain-cooled water.

A huge double rainbow stretched across the sky.

No doubt about it, the day was turning out to be simply gorgeous.

Levi and his sister, Brianna, floated over.

“Hey, Sky!” Levi called out.

“Have you met Bri? And this is Lilly and Landon, her kids. They came out to tube with us.” All four of them were on innertubes like mine.

Levi paddled toward me, and Brianna grabbed onto my tube, making a chain.

“Hey, I’m Skyler. I’ve met Brianna. Not the kids.” I’d met Brianna at Danny’s wedding, but they hadn’t brought the kids, obviously.

“It’s Bri, please. Are you a lawyer, Skyler?”

“Yes, I work for Drew, and it’s Sky, please.” I echoed her words, receiving a big, wide smile in return.

“Great. Sky it is. So you work with Danny, then?”

“Some. We’re good friends. I kind of introduced him to Lee.” The kind of part was that we were at the BDSM club in the Littles room, and I so did not want to get into that.

Especially with her kids, although they seemed grown and also ignoring us.

Lilly looked like she could actually be sleeping, draped over the tube, and Landon was looking around at everything and taking pictures with his phone.

I’d left mine at camp, not wanting to risk it getting wet.

But to each his own.

Landon looked a bit older than her.

He might have been college-age, maybe, while she was likely a junior or senior in high school.

Although, I wouldn’t put money on it.

Levi pointed out the prehistoric-looking birds drying their wings on the branches of a nearby tree.

And Landon scrambled to get the picture.

Then he pointed out turtles on the side and suddenly got very excited when he saw three otters ahead.

Okay, that was exciting, but Levi’s voice changed, and he got that dreamy look on his face that Danny always did when he was in his Little headspace.

“Look. Bri, Sky. Otters. That one’s on the shore. Oh, the others are swimming.”

Landon chuckled at his excitement but didn’t stop taking pictures, either.

“Don’t even think about getting close to them, Uncle Levi. They crack through oyster shells with those teeth and jaws. Your petting fingers wouldn’t stand a chance.”

Levi huffed.

“If I stood a chance, they’d swim away. Lookie.” He pointed at them again, but this time behind us.

One of them popped up in the water then disappeared in an instant.

“Too fast for me. I’d never catch ‘em.” His voice slipped even more into Little-mode. I looked at Landon to gauge his reaction, but he only looked amused. As did Brianna. It was pretty obvious they knew.

“Hey, Levi?” I wasn’t going to ask who knew and who didn’t. I wasn’t going to out him if I was wrong.

“Yeah?

” he answered, not looking at me.

“Where’s Hudson?” That was his partner.

The question made Levi pout.

He was kind of cute.

“He had stuff to do. Grown up daddy stuff.”

Well then, maybe everyone did know.

Then Levi smiled brightly.

“He’ll be here tonight for dinner and after.”

Lilly’s head popped up from the other side of her mother.

“Oh, are we staying for the karaoke? I want to sing.”

Bri rolled her eyes.

“Sure.”

“Karaoke?” I hadn’t known that was the plan.

“Yeah. It’s special. I’m not ‘posed to tell. But it’s gonna be so fun. Please stay, Bri.” Levi pouted.

He was cute, but it made me feel sorry for Hudson.

He probably gave in entirely too much with this one.

“I said sure.” Bri held up her hands.

“Yay!” Levi clapped.

Then he went back to pointing out things for Landon to take pictures of.

His attention span was short.

Much like Danny’s.

I could see why the two of them were such good friends.

I dropped into the water to cool off.

And Landon offered to hold on to my tube if I wanted to swim a bit.

Levi called out.

“Me too. Me too.” And splashed into the water.

That kid had entirely too much energy.

After swimming a bit, I climbed back up and held on to the tubes while Landon swam with Levi a little more.

“That was refreshing, Lilly. You should get in.” Landon splashed his sister as he crawled back up on his tube.

She wrinkled her nose.

“No thanks.”

I stuck with Levi and his family for the rest of the trip.

Then, finally, we got out downriver, where the vans were picking us up.

The ramp had deep stairs at the very end because the water dropped off.

I used them to get up on the ramp and pulled the tube with me, carrying it to the end of the dock where someone collected it.

We all chatted as we dried off, and I couldn’t help looking for Crow.

I didn’t see him, but didn’t think he could have been terribly far away from me.

Putting it behind me, I got on the bus.

I sat back and closed my eyes.

I hadn’t realized how tired I was from the water and the sun.

Who thought you could get that tired doing so little?

I mean, I practically reclined and relaxed the entire way.

Someone plopped next to me, and I opened my eyes.

Crow.

Had to be him, right?

“What?”

“Just making sure you made it back all in one piece.”

“Sheesh. I am an adult, you know.”

His smirk said he didn’t, in fact, know that I was a grown-ass man and was probably about to rub my inexperience or naivety in my face.

Or whatever his joke was going to be.

Maybe my size since I was significantly smaller than him.

I was almost as tall as him but built like a twink.

Skin and bones with a bubble butt.

My thighs were a little thick, too.

But one hundred percent adult.

It wasn’t my fault Crow was built more like a linebacker.

With broad, muscular shoulders and…

And I had to stop thinking about him.

“Never mind. You know what. Go sit somewhere else and stop bothering me.”

He added a smarmy chuckle to his smirk.

“What if I don’t want to. Maybe I’d rather sit here and keep ruining your trip.”

I flipped him off, but then he shook his head as he got up and sat somewhere else.

Then Danny caught my eye, and he frowned and shook his head.

“Fucker,” I muttered under my breath.

I didn’t need his judgement.

Danny walked up the aisle and leaned toward me.

“It wouldn’t kill you to be nicer to him. He is helping you out.”

“Who? Crow?” I acted like I didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about.

“I’m nice. What’s not nice.”

He scowled at me but walked off, muttering, “Whatever.”

Good.

When we got back to camp, everyone split up and a lot of us got showers.

I felt like I needed it after being in the water of the springs.

Thankfully, there were several bathhouses throughout the grounds.

But once I was all cleaned up, I had nothing to do until dinner.

I went back to the campsite to maybe sneak in a quick nap.

But as I slid through the gap in the trees, Crow stood there in the middle of our site, drinking from a bottle of water.

I felt like he was constantly in my face.

I huffed and moved to go around him.

He stepped right in my way.

“Hey, Sky.”

Fuck it.

I sat at the picnic table beside the tent with my back against the table part.

“What?”

“You look tired. Maybe you should take a quick nap. I’ll wake you in a few minutes.”

I lost my cool.

Jumping up, I glared at him.

“Do not tell me what to do.” And pointed with a jabby finger.

“You’re not my daddy. You’re just a thorn in my side.” Even though I wanted a nap, I hated him telling me to take one.

Yeah, logical.

I guessed that went out the window when emotions were involved.

“I could be.”

What the fuck was he talking about.

“A thorn?”

“Your daddy.” He gave me a sultry look that I might have had a little bit of a hard time resisting.

But no.

I needed to be pissed off and that look did not help.

In a move that rivaled my stupidest moments of all time, I got in his face.

Sure, he was a little taller than me, but I did not care.

“Stop it. Stop harassing me. Stop being nice. I don’t want anything to do with you.”

Crow stepped forward, and I instinctively took a step back.

His face was a mask of anger.

Then I bumped into a tree, but he still kept coming.

Did I push too far?

Had he snapped?

He stared at me with his dark scowl, looking at the top of my head, my eyes, my mouth.

Oh shit.

I could only imagine what he wanted.

To kiss me?

To throw me over his shoulder?

To push me down on my knees?

And why did my dick take notice?

But I hated him, right?

How was I going to get through this trip?

It was only the second day of six.

I wanted to kill Crow and Danny for setting me up.

I would have to walk into town or call an Uber.

Mother fucker.

If I ended up doing that, I was going to beat the shit out of Danny.

But no.

Crow took a step back.

“I hear you, Sky. Loud and clear.” Then he stormed off, leaving me completely unsure of what I wanted.

But I was hard as fucking wood—as the saying goes.

And I hadn’t felt this needy in a long damn time.

And I was pissed off about all of it.

I stormed into the tent and searched through my luggage for lube.

Why hadn’t I brought any?

Oh right, not expecting sex in the woods.

There was a bottle of hand lotion on the supply table, though.

That would work.

After squirting enough in my hand to do the job, I crawled into the other side of the tent and shoved my shorts down with one hand.

Then I stroked my cock hard and fast.

No time for bullshitting here.

This was going to be ugly.

And I thought about all the things I didn’t want to think about.

How big was Crow’s cock?

How would it feel inside me, stretching me?

Or maybe shoved in my mouth and down my throat.

Would he grip my hair and use me hard?

I could see his eyes all aflame as he took me.

I spread my legs wider, tugged my balls, clenched my ass, and came like a fucking geyser with Crow’s fucking name on my lips.

Damn, I hated that guy.

It was burgers and dogs for dinner.

I figured we would have at least one night with the traditional grilled food.

And who didn’t love that?

I did.

I grabbed a plate and buns and doctored them up before standing in line at the grill stationed between the two RVs.

After receiving one of each, I also plopped coleslaw and a handful of chips on my plate and went to find someone to sit with.

After our little blow-up, I decided I needed to meet more people.

I wasn’t going to spend this entire trip with Crow.

No way.

Levi’s family were eating at a bench across the street, so I went there.

It felt safe, and there were a few people I didn’t know at their table.

“Hey, Levi. Can I join y’all?”

“Sure, dude. Here. Move down a bit, Landon.” The teen—twenty-something—scooted over and I slid beside him at the edge.

From my seat, I had a good view of most of the campground and could see who was moving in and out of the food prep area.

And there he was.

Crow stood in line with that other guy he came with and some twink.

Why did this guy get under my skin like that?

After he got his food, he sat at a table with a few people who I didn’t know.

His friends went with him.

I took a bite of my burger while glaring at Crow.

“Wow, Sky.” Levi grabbed my attention.

“What?”

“Are you that hungry?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re face.” He motioned over his face before looking at me expectantly.

And I really did not want to give him an explanation.

Not when—Drew stopped at Crow’s table.

Drew was my boss and the sponsor of this event.

And while I figured I should be representing the company better, I also couldn’t find it in me to care.

I was a lot more concerned about why Drew was talking to Crow.

What could they have to discuss?

And if Crow had other cases, who was handling them?

It wasn’t me.

“Switch with me.” Levi got up and slid in between Landon and me, and Landon got up to sit in his vacated seat.

“Hey.” He leaned into my shoulder.

“Are you okay, Sky?”

“Yeah,” I muttered, but maybe I wasn’t.

“I don’t know.” I dropped my half-eaten burger back to my plate.

Drew left with a wave and headed over to the table where the buns and condiments were.

Crow chatted with his friends left at the table.

This sucked.

And I wasn’t entirely sure why.

And worse, Levi kept trying to talk to me.

He could obviously see I was upset, but I wasn’t all that close to him, and this was shit I wasn’t even telling Danny.

But we weren’t as close as we used to be anyway.

Actually, Levi filled Danny’s BFF spot now, and I still kind of felt a little jealous over it.

No one had filled mine, but it had been years since then, and we weren’t school kids.

Relationships changed, and I should be over it.

Only Danny was still in my BFF spot, like it or not.

Fuck it all.

“Sorry, Levi. I’m really kind of tired. I’m going back to my campsite.” I took the last of my food with me, thinking I’d eat it there and then, what?

Go to bed?

I couldn’t even remember what was on schedule for the next day, but I was sure it would start too early.

I ate quietly, then cleaned up.

But before I could sneak into the tent, Danny showed up.

“Hey, man. You’re gonna be late. Chop-chop.”

“Late for what?”

“Are you kidding me? This is probably the best part of the trip. It’s PRIDE, remember?”

Honestly, I hadn’t remembered.

I was focused on simply getting through the day.

“So?”

“Sooo….” He stretched is so out three times longer than mine.

“Drag Queen Karaoke!” He grabbed my arm and tugged.

“You’ll love it.” Great.

The party was being held behind the main office.

The lawn stretched out wide, and tables and chairs were set up.

And on the porch, a makeshift area serving as a stage had been marked out with streamers.

This was a camping sing-along, PRIDE style—complete with a drag queen host.

Danny shoved me over to a table with people I did not know, but I sat.

For him.

It wasn’t a bad seat.

I could see everything very well, but I could also ditch out easily if I needed to.

“Hello, gentleman and gentleman. And others…” The drag queen spoke into the mic while gesturing wildly.

She had platinum blond hair, done up with a huge purple bow wrapped around half of it, and she wore a matching jumpsuit with silver platform heels.

Her makeup was wild and exaggerated, as one would expect, with purple, glittery eyeshadow and deep red lips.

“I am Madame Bella Donna. Here to help you have tons of fun on this PRIDE camping trip.” She bounced up and down, clapping her hands, and everyone applauded.

“Well, thank you. Thank you. I am a bit of a diva, so I love-love-love the attention.” She leaned over and fake stage-whispered.

“That means more applause, people.” Everyone laughed again as we applauded.

“Okay. Let’s get this thing started. I expect everyone to sing along with this classic. Hit it, Bender.” She motioned to a guy I hadn’t noticed yet.

He stood in front of a sound console.

This Bender guy nodded and moved his hands, and the music started up.

It was Gloria Gaynor’s I Will Survive .

Perfect!

Bella Donna started in with the lyrics, “At first I was afraid, I was petrified. Thinking I could live without you by my side…” She had a good, rich voice.

“After spending oh so many nights thinking how you did me wrong, I grew strong, and I learned how to get along…” She moved out into the audience and stuck the mic in random people’s faces, and they sang along.

Pretty much everyone knew the song.

And it was getting everyone in the right mood.

At the end, Bella Donna went back to the patio stage.

“Now we have some folks already signed up to come on up to this, uh-hum…” She gestured to the marked-off area.

“Stage. But you know. You won’t be better than me. I’m deadly…” She thrust her hips to the side, camping it up, but nothing was even remotely lewd.

“Try anyway, sweethearts…” She explained how to sign up using the cards on our tables, and then she reached into a big bowl and pulled out a name.

“Our first guinea pig—uh, I mean volunteers…are…” She bent over and made an over-dramatic motion of winking with an open mouth.

“Nelson Crowell and Warner Rainey… Get on up here, boys.” She used the card to gesture and then to fan herself when Crow walked up to her.

“My-my-my… This one, am I right?” She looked out at the rest of us, and everyone cheered.

Crow was going to sing?

What the hell?

And what would he sing?

I was actually on the edge of my seat.

“Hit it, Barney,” Bella said to her assistant, who scowled at her, but then the music to B52’s Love Shack started up.

Love Shack ?

Really?

I laughed so hard, but they weren’t bad.

Crow was bigger than his friend Warner, so it was even more comical when Warner did the male parts and Crow did all the female parts.

All of them.

Including the most famous, “Tin roof—Rusted.”

I had never seen this side of Crow.

I’d seen him all scowly, and I’d seen him trying to be nice to me.

And I’d seen him determined, like when he ruined my case.

But I’d never seen him funny.

And he had a nice voice.

And…

I didn’t even know what to think.

Afterward, they got a lot of applause, and a group of other people from Drew’s firm got up and did an ABBA song.

I only knew Dancing Queen .

But they chose Waterloo .

I didn’t know the words to that, and honestly, they weren’t that good.

Especially after Crow.

Then Lee and Danny got up.

I knew from experience that Lee could sing, but Danny couldn’t, not even if his life depended on it.

However, he absolutely loved to sing and did it all the time, especially 80s songs.

So…

they’d picked Celebration .

Lee sang most of the lyrics, but Danny worked the audience, getting everyone to clap and sing along.

“You know this one. Sing with us. It’s PRIDE, y’all. Let’s celebrate.” And everyone did.

Danny wiggled his ass and moved around a lot.

It was pretty good.

After a few more songs, including a Pink song that Lilly sang, Bella took the mic back.

“Now, everyone needs to participate. It’s not a sing-along if we don’t all sing. Along.” She encouraged us to pick songs.

A few more people did, but then she came to my table, thankfully, without a mic.

“Hey, cutie. What are you going to sing?”

I took a deep breath and sighed.

“What do you have from like Bon Jovi?”

“You know Bon Jovi?” she asked curiously.

“Yep. Probably every single song.” I’d had such a crush on Jon Bon Jovi as a kid.

Hell, I still did.

He’d grown into a good-looking man.

“Okay. I’ll see what I got. Stand over here. You’re next.”

I don’t know why I didn’t argue.

I didn’t know why I was so serious about it.

I don’t know why I lied to myself like that.

Yeah, I did.

I wanted Crow to like my performance.

And I kind of wanted Danny to like it too.

Danny meant something to me.

He was like a brother.

And Crow…

I didn’t want to look at that any closer.

Not yet.

Bella went and did her thing, then came back over.

“It’s You Give Love A Bad Name . Can you do that?”

I nodded.

I’d actually sung this one at karaoke bars often.

There was no lead-in for it.

It just started with the first iconic line.

That tended to make the intro timing more difficult, but it was going to be what it was.

I could catch the beat if I was off.

As soon as it started up, I held the mic in both hands and sang, “Shot through the heart and you’re to blame…Darling you give love, a bad name.” It was primarily acapella, and I was right on time with the rhythm.

Then the song moved into the verse, and I moved across the fake stage, pointing out at the audience and making other hand motions that went with the song.

I hardly thought about what I was doing; I focused on singing.

When I got to the end of the song, since turnabout was fair play, I went out to the tables and got other people to sing with me, and then I got Bella to sing.

“Madame Bella Donna! I shouted, then aimed the mic at her.” She didn’t disappoint, and we finished the song off together with a round of, “You give love, bad name—Whoa-oh, oh-oh-oh.” Until the music faded out.

She towered over me and bent over to sing into the mic, but it was fun, and everyone cheered, which made me blush.

Performing like that would have been easier with a drink.

Watching was better, so I slid back to my seat.

It wasn’t long before Levi squeezed in beside me at my table and handed me a flask as if he’d read my mind.

“You look like you could use one.”

I took a swig without even asking what it was.

Apparently, Vodka.

“Thanks.”

When I handed it back, Levi took a swig.

“Figured you better get some before I drink it all. Cuz I’m going to need it.”

“Why?”

Bella spoke in the mic again.

“Okay, PRIDE partiers, we have one last performance…please put your hands together for Little Levi and Sister Bri.”

Levi hid his face behind his hands and groaned.

But Brianna wasn’t letting him get out of it.

She grabbed his arm, “Let’s do this, Bro.”

“Ohmygawd. You’ll be fine. Go.” I shoved him a little, and he turned to me with a glare and mouthed traitor .

I just laughed, wondering what they would do.

“Y’all ready?” Bella asked.

Bri nodded.

Levi held up his hands as if he didn’t know.

Bri stuck a mic in one of them and put it in front of his face.

“Fine. Let’s do this.”

Funky, muted music started, and Bri sort of talk-sang, “Okay.”

When the music cleared up, it was sort of a dance beat.

Then the first chorus started, and I recognized the relatively new song.

It was by Dua Lipa.

Bri was good at singing through the chorus.

But.

When the first verse kicked in, Levi sang.

“Time is passin’ like a solar eclipse. See you watchin’ and you blow me a kiss.” I was sure Danny was going to be jealous.

That boy had chops.

His voice was crystal clear and beautiful.

His face, on the other hand, looked terrified.

He could be a star, but he obviously had horrible stage fright.

When the song was over, I stood to applaud.

Bri took a big, dramatic bow.

Then hugged Levi, who still looked terrified.

Then he practically ran away from the stage and right into the arms of his man, Hudson.

It was honestly too cute.

After that, the assistant, who I wasn’t sure what his name was, passed around cards to each table with lyrics on them.

Apparently, there was actually one more song.

“Okay, campers. We’re closing tonight with a sing-along. A camping sing-along classic. Y’all probably know the words, but here they are on these cards, just in case. And please leave them on the tables when you’re done.” Everyone picked up their cards, including me.

There was plenty of light to read from the porch and party lights strung around, attached to poles in buckets that circled—or squared—the tables.

Plus, there were battery-operated lanterns on the tables.

So, no worries.

“Okay, no music for this one. So, let’s do it, campers! Happy PRIDE!”

Everyone clapped and cheered one more time, and when we settled, she started singing and we joined in.

It was the classic Kumbaya .

Could it have been anything else?

We did not sound like pros.

But it was fun.

Everyone rocked back and forth as we sang, and when it was over, everyone stood and clapped again for Bella Donna.

She was fun and unexpected.

We all headed back to the campsites.

Levi caught up to me and slung his arm around my shoulders.

“I shared my booze, and you threw me under the bus.”

“Ohmygawd. You’re so drunk.”

“Maybe.”

“You sang so beautifully. I loved it.”

“Thanks,” Levi slurred the word.

He was totally drunk.

Hudson came up behind him, picked him up, and tossed him over his shoulder.

“Excuse us.” He nodded to me.

“Sure. See ya later, Levi.”

Hudson rubbed Levi’s ass, which was hanging over his shoulder, as they walked away.

It was kind of funny.

I knew Hudson would take care of his boy, though.

He was in good hands.

Crow was already at our campsite when I got there.

“Would you like a drink? I made a pitcher of Sangria. But this version gets seltzer water over the top to fizz it up. And maybe the brandy is a bit strong. I don’t know. I added more strawberries.” He held up the pitcher.

Okay…

I didn’t know what was up with that.

“Sure?”

“It’s my favorite camp drink because it’s easy to make and tastes great. I like pouring it into a beverage cooler thing.” He pointed to one that was open on the table.

“Sure.”

Crow poured some into two solo cups, then the rest went into the cooler, and he screwed the top on it.

“You can refill easy, here.” He tapped the spout.

“Thanks.” The drink was strong.

“Brandy?”

“Red wine. Brandy. Fruit. Oh, we didn’t spritz it. Hang on.” He opened a big cooler and fished in the ice, pulling out a can of soda water.

He popped it open and poured some over the top of both our drinks.

“Now try.”

“Mmm…better. I like the fizz.”

“Right. Me too.”

After one drink, I was good and warm inside.

Maybe too good.

Was he trying to get me drunk?

Crow chatted along soothingly, but I wasn’t listening much.

Something about hiking and swimming scheduled for the next day.

Great.

And it would probably be starting too fucking early.

And.

It was nice.

Crow was nice.

The soft timber of his voice was soothing.

Had I judged him too harshly?

After all, he’d been nothing but nice to me on this trip.

Honestly, he was nice at the wedding, too.

But did that make up for fucking up my case?

He almost messed up my career.

Hell, if I had been at any other firm, I probably would have been fired.

I thanked Drew regularly for giving me another shot.

Mostly by being the best damn lawyer I could.

I was having a hard time reconciling the two Crows.

Maybe three.

He’d been funny singing at Karaoke.

“Hey, you know. I thought you were really good. You’ve got a good voice for Bon Jovi.”

“Yeah? You think? I love Bon Jovi.”

“Yes, and me too.” Oh shit.

Did we have something in common?

“Uh…you were funny.” I pointed at him, then refilled my cup.

Crow came over and spritzed it with a new can of soda.

“Warner and I have done that routine a lot.”

“Warner, yeah. He’s what?” And why was I fishing?

“Best friend. Known each other forever.”

I nodded.

“The twink is his boyfriend?”

“Yes, Cody. It’s new but he seems nice.”

“Right. I better get to bed. If we’re getting up early.” I didn’t want to admit how good I felt.

A part of me was venturing into dangerous territory, and the best thing I could do was get in that tent and crash.

“Sure. Give me your cup.”

“Okay.” I fished out a strawberry before handing him my mostly empty cup.

Then licked my fingers and ducked into the tent.

I grabbed a loose T-shirt and basketball shorts to change into.

Before I could get into the bedroom side, Crow came in.

The area was too small, smooshing us face-to-face.

“Sky…”

I looked into his eyes.

They were normally plain brown, but so close in the low light, they looked dark, black.

I didn’t answer him, stuck on his soulful eyes.

Crow leaned in and pressed his lips to mine.

At first, they were soft and cushy, but when I didn’t pull away, he pressed for more.

His tongue slid back and forth, asking for permission, and I wanted to grant it.

His mouth was warm, juicy, and tasted like our drinks.

I could kiss him forever.

Kissing Crow.

Then I pulled back.

Unsure.

That man was entirely too sexy.

And I was tipsy.

And don’t I hate this guy?