Page 40 of One Night with Mr. Darcy

“Well, let’s start with the absinthe, then.”

“Oh, well, that was Bingley’s. I think he was just carting it about the country from place to place to show it to people. I don’t think he was ever going to drink it. So, I just went at it, because I was in despair.”

“Despair? What was wrong?”

“I told you, she was going to marry Collins.”

“Right, so you drank absinthe and seduced another man’s fiancée—”

“Well, they weren’t engaged at that point, you see. I simply understood he was going to ask and that she would have to say yes.”

“Why?”

“Because he is the heir to her family’s estate. Five girls in the Bennet clan and the inheritance is entailed, so it would only be kept within the family if she married him.”

“Why didn’t you ask her to marryyou, then?”

“I did.”

“But… you’re not married to her.”

“Well, I sort of forgot that. It happened while I was drunk.”

“All right,” said the colonel, still looking confused. “And the getting-a-child-on-her part? I want to know about that part, obviously. Well—just about the parts that involve her and nothing that would allow me to picture your white arse pistoning in and out—”

“Good God, Richard!”

Richard snickered, covering his mouth with one hand. “Good God is right. Heavens, Fitz.” He turned and started walking again, slowly shaking his head. “Heavens!”

Darcy went after him, sighing. “Look, it was just a horrible misunderstanding. I thought she wanted him, but she never did. She only went to him because she thought that I didn’t like her.”

“She didn’t get the message while you were getting a child on her?”

“No, she thought I was just doing it because I was drunk, I suppose. She thought… she thought I was a very wretched sort of man.” He groaned, scratching the top of his head. “In the end, I suppose I am.”

“Yes, you are. Youscoundrel. How old is that child?”

“Two years old.”

“Lord! Leaving this poor woman here for two years—”

“Well, she is married, and she’s managed to inherit an entire estate. It’s not as if she needs me, is it?”

The colonel burst into laughter again. “She is formidable, then, isn’t she? What did she do to our aunt? What has she done to you? Why is it that—upon talking to her—one excuses her buck teeth.”

“She doesn’t have buckteeth!”

Richard put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “Apologies. Of course, it’s all very serious. What are you doing to do? She’s still married. You can’t break up the marriage. Well, I suppose you could, couldn’t you? Cart her off and set her up somewhere as your mistress?”

“It would be foolish. She’s much better off here,” said Mr. Darcy. “But I can’t… I wish to be close to William.”

“Who’s William?”

“My son.”

“Ah,” said the colonel.

“And so, I thought… well, I remembered your letter. Have you, erm, have you told anyone else of your intention to try to marry her now that she’s inherited Rosings?”