Page 48

CHAPTER 48

EMILY

T oying with the charm on my necklace, I can’t stop smiling as I walk down the stairs, Dallas following closely with his hands on my shoulders. I wasn’t lying when I told him this is the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me because it truly is. It’s beautiful and meaningful, and it’s just another tick in the long list of reasons as to why Dallas Shaw really is Mr. Perfect.

Dallas takes the lead as we round the corner into the living room, holding my hand, and I carefully tuck the necklace under Dallas’s hoodie that I’m wearing. It isn’t that I don’t want people to see it—for all I know they already know what he got me, and most people know the significance behind the pink ribbon. It’s because the necklace and the sentiment are personal, and I just don’t feel like sharing that. Not yet, at least.

“Merry Christmas, darlin’!” Joy rounds Dallas, rushing toward me and wrapping me in a big hug.

“Oh, hi,” Dallas scoffs. “Don’t mind me. Your actual child .”

“Oh, pfft.” Joy brushes him off with a wave of her hand, smiling at me. “I hope you’re hungry!”

“ I’m hungry,” Dallas says. “If anyone actually cares.”

“Not surprising,” Millie murmurs from the couch where she’s curled up smirking at her phone. “Sounded like you worked up quite the appetite this morning…”

My eyes bulge, cheeks flaming as I look from Millie to Dallas. But the jerk just grins, all cocky like. And I want to die. Mr. Perfect, my ass.

Thankfully, Joy is oblivious. Either that, or she has the grace to at least pretend she is. Turning to Dallas, she reaches up and pinches his cheeks. “Well, let’s feed that hungry tummy monster then, shall we?”

“Come on, Goldie.” Dallas pulls me in, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. “If anyone worked up an appetite this morning, it’s you,” he whispers against my ear.

I slap his stomach, glowering up at him, but he just throws his head back on a laugh, his hold on me tightening like he knows I’m on the verge of fleeing back up to his bedroom and locking myself in there until it’s time to leave for the airport tomorrow.

After breakfast, we all file back into the living room where a fire roars and the tree is lit up like a beacon, all while Bing Crosby croons from somewhere in the house.

Dallas sits on one end of the couch, pulling me to sit in between his legs. Millie sits on the other end, sipping a mimosa out of a Santa Claus mug. Austin stands in the corner, face set in an unreadable expression, arms folded over his broad chest, hiding the knitted sweater with a snowman on it which, when I initially saw him walk in with Phil for breakfast, made me choke on my first sip of coffee. Phil and Joy sit on the love seat next to the tree, Phil picking up each gift and having to adjust his reading glasses each time to read the tags.

“To Momma, from Dallas and Emmy,” Phil reads, handing a big wrapped box to Joy.

I stiffen, glancing over my shoulder at Dallas, unaware that he’d put my name on the gift tags. He offers me a slow wink, his hand gently squeezing my thigh.

Joy unwraps an orange Hermès box, looking at it curiously. “Ohhh, what’s a hermies?” She waggles her eyebrows, and I can’t help but hide my laughter, imaging Tess’s reaction if she were here right now.

“Oh, my God,” Millie mutters, snorting under her breath, and I flash her a knowing wink.

Opening the box, Joy pulls out a delicate silk scarf, unfurling it and gasping out loud at the beautiful watercolor of wild horses printed on it. “Oh, my heavens, it’s gorgeous! I love it. Thank you.” She jumps up and crosses the room, planting a kiss on both my and Dallas’s cheeks.

“To Millie, from Dallas and Emmy,” Phil powers on, handing a wrapped box to Millie.

She accepts it, flashing a glance at me and says, “I hope I got a hermies too…”

I giggle quietly.

Millie unwraps the gift, revealing a Burberry box, and she spears Dallas with a disbelieving look. “Dude.”

“ Dude …” he mocks.

Impatiently opening the box, she pulls out a small pouch bag made in the iconic Burberry check, shrieking in delight. “Oh, my God, this is adorable! I love it.” Lunging across the couch, she pulls both Dallas and me into a hug.

“To Emmy from Dallas.”

My eyes widen as Phil holds up a huge box, and I gawk back at Dallas. “You already?—”

He silences me with a finger to my lips, dimples popping, and I stop myself, hopping up to collect the box from Phil with a smile.

“I wonder what it is?” Millie asks, but when I look at her, I already know she knows.

I narrow my eyes at her as I unwrap the paper to see a logo on the box that doesn’t particularly mean anything to me. Then, lifting the lid, I suck in a breath, both shocked and touched.

“My very own cowboy boots!” I squeal, pulling out the tan, square toe boots with intricate embroidery.

“That’s why he made you wear a pair of mine last night,” Millie says. “So he knew they’d fit.”

“Aw, this is so sweet.” I turn back to Dallas. “Thank you.”

“Read the card,” he urges with a wink.

I look in the box to see a small card inside. Pulling it out, I smile, reading his handwriting.

I want to fuck you while you wear these.

I snap the card to my chest, hiding the words from anyone who might see, spearing him with a wide-eyed glance, and he chuckles lowly, squeezing my side. I tuck the card into one of the boots and shove them back in the box, feeling my traitorous cheeks heat yet again.

“And this one’s from us, sweetie,” Joy says, standing and walking over to me with another huge box.

“Oh, my goodness, you didn’t have to get me anything,” I chide, sheepishly accepting the box from her.

“As soon as Dallas told us you were coming for Christmas, I just had to!” Joy beams, sitting back next to Phil and watching with obvious excitement.

I already have an idea what it is from the shape of the box, but as I unwrap the paper and see the Stetson logo, I hurriedly open the box to see my very own cowboy hat.

“Oh, my God. I love it so much!” I cry, pulling it out and putting it straight on my head. It feels luxurious and fits surprisingly well, and as I look up at everyone, they all cheer.

“Boots and a hat,” Phil says. “We’ll make a cowgirl outta you yet.”

I laugh. “Unlikely. Horses terrify me.”

“Yeah, you should’ve seen her in the stables yesterday,” Millie laughs. “You’d think she was walking through a maximum-security prison full of murderous psychopaths. ”

“Okay, in my defense, the closest I’ve ever gotten to a horse is?—”

“Me!” Dallas interjects.

I turn my head slowly, offering him an unimpressed look.

With a smug grin, he glances over at his brother, holding his hand in the air, which Austin high fives with a murmured, “Yeah, that was pretty good; I’ll give you that one.”

I roll my eyes, looking back at Millie. “Those things are huge !”

“Yeah, like me…” Dallas murmurs so only I can hear him.

I elbow him, forcing a smile to Joy and Phil. “Thank you. I love my hat.”

“You are so welcome, sweetie.” Joy gushes, and I notice a sheen in her eyes as she watches Dallas and me while Phil continues playing St. Nick.

After gifting Phil and Austin identical Hermès belts, I cast Dallas a dubious glance, and while everyone is talking amongst themselves, he sheepishly admits to me that he forgot all about Christmas shopping and ended up panic purchasing everyone’s gifts at JFK before his flight home to Texas. Honestly, the man just gets more and more adorable.

Once all the gifts were unwrapped, Phil and Austin headed out to do some work because apparently ranching doesn’t get holidays off. Millie went for a nap. Joy and Dallas settled in to watch a Christmas movie in the den, and I excused myself and headed out onto the porch to call Tess and Bron and my parents on FaceTime. This is my first Christmas without them, and I’m not going to lie, seeing all four of them in Mom and Dad’s living room made me a little homesick, but I’ve loved being here with Dallas and his family for Christmas. In a way, here almost feels like home.

As I sit on the porch steps, decompressing after the chaotic call with my family, my head suddenly aching over the sound of Tess and my mother fighting to talk over one another, I look out over the expanse of the vista. Nothing but fields of golden grass. It’s a beautiful place, so far from the craziness that is New York City, it’s like another world.

The door to the house opens behind me with a light creak, and I smile, expecting Dallas. But when I turn to glance over my shoulder, I’m surprised to see Joy walking out carrying two glasses of red wine, winking at me conspiratorially.

“I thought you’d like a sneaky wine.” She smiles.

I take it from her. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

Joy looks at the step beside me. “Mind if I sit?”

“Please.” I shift over a little and she sits herself down in the space next to me, sipping her wine and releasing a contented sigh as she smiles out over the peaceful panorama.

“I love it here,” I say softly after a few silent moments.

“Our own slice of heaven right here on earth,” Joy whispers.

I look at her from the corner of my eye, taking her in. She’s beautiful, so much like Millie.

“Did you call your folks?”

I nod, sipping my wine. “Yeah. Just got off the phone and needed a minute to unwind.” I cast her a wry smirk. “They’re… a lot.”

“Dallas told me.” She chuckles. “I can’t wait to meet them.”

“I think you and my mom will be fast friends.”

“We’d love to have them down here,” Joy says. “Any time. There’s plenty of room.”

“I fear my mother’s voice might spook the cows,” I murmur, only half-joking.

Joy laughs, wrapping an arm around me. “Oh, I just adore you.”

“I adore you, too.”

With her arm still around me, Joy gazes out over the fields. “I never thought I’d get to see the day my boy was in love,” she begins wistfully. “He was always so happy being the… playboy .” She rolls her eyes. “Gosh, I hated seeing that. But as his momma, I always supported by him, y’know? If he was happy, I was happy. Or at least, I pretended I was happy, but oh, how I worried.” She shakes her head, sighing heavily. “Deep down, I truly feel like he was lonely. It started when he went to Canada. He was so far away. All on his own for the first time. He was miserable.” She sniffs a laugh. “I don’t think he’ll ever admit it, but I could tell.”

“Moms just know.” I nod. “God, sometimes it feels like my mom knows things about me before I even do.”

Joy winks like she’s part of some mom’s only secret society. “It’s a mom thing.”

I smile, looking down at my glass as that all too familiar panic tries to consume me.

“Do you want children?”

“I do.” I look up at her, and I don’t know if I’m imagining it, but there’s just something in her eyes, a nurturing look that makes me feel so safe enough that I can tell her all my secrets. “I don’t know if I can have them though.”

Joy doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t gasp, or frown, or anything. Just continues watching me, waiting for me to speak, that soft, tender smile hinting at her lips.

“I know Dallas hasn’t told you about….” I trail off, placing a hand against my chest and swallowing hard. “I had breast cancer.”

Joy’s brows arch higher in genuine surprise.

“I’m in remission,” I assure her.

“B-but you’re so young.”

“Yeah. I used to think breast cancer was something only old ladies got.” I sniff a laugh. “How wrong I was…”

Joy removes her arm around me, instead grabbing my hand and holding it tight, and I tell her everything. I tell her about my treatment and what happened with Luke. I tell her about freezing my eggs before I started chemotherapy and how I’m still in medical menopause. I tell her about the ongoing hormonal treatment and the constant and crippling fear of recurrence. And she holds my hand the entire time, listening to every single word I say… maybe even hearing some of the things I don’t say.

“For the first time, since cancer, I’m finally happy,” I confess. “But that’s the problem. The happier I am, the more scared I am that it’s going to come back and take everything again. I used to think that if it came back then, oh well—” I shrug. “I’ve done it before and I can do it again. And if I can’t beat it again, then maybe it’s just my time.”

Joy squeezes my hand at that.

“But now,” I continue. “Now I have Dallas. Now I’m actually happy. I can imagine a future, and for the first time, it’s beautiful. But… I’m scared it’s all going to get taken away from me.”

“Oh, sweetie!” Joy pulls me in for a bone-crushing hug, and it’s only then that I realize I’m crying. “I want you to listen to me right now.” Joy pulls back, holding me at bay and looking me directly in my eyes. “I know my son, better than anyone. He loves big and he loves hard . And I need you to know that whatever happens, good, bad, ugly, indifferent, Dallas is going to keep on loving you with all that he has. And he will fight tooth and nail for the people he loves most. But you gotta let him fight for you, hon.”

I manage a watery smile, my tears falling freely. “I love your son. So much.”

“I know you do, sweetheart.” Joy smiles, her own tears reflecting the dull afternoon light in her eyes. “He’s a hard one not to love.”