Page 101 of One Killer Night

I see all the times I asked him a question, but instead of getting answers I was kissed.

I thought he was romantic.

I see the moments we unpacked, and I realize now that he didn’t have any pictures of his family or childhood.

I assumed the memories were too hard.

I see the way he’s always kept secret the meaning of his tattoos, and the way he bristled at the cameras when we went to the fair that one time. And how he lost it on the guy he thought was following me. I see all the locks and how I never even knew his mother’s name until I pressed.

I see the way he put a mask in place with the police and lied to me with such ease, as if it was second nature.

I don’t know where he went to high school, or how he got that small scar on his back, or anything. I don’t know him. I’ve never known him.

And just like that, the war inside stops being a war, leaving only pieces of me in its wake. It’s stolen everything I’ve ever held true—ripping Noah from me and leaving me desecrated.

“Baby,” he says, forcing my eyes open.

I stare down at him as he holds up a ring.

It’s everything I’ve ever wanted.He’severything I’ve ever wanted.

But he’s no one I’ve ever met ... or loved. I feel myself going numb, maybe into shock as my pulse lowers and my shuttered breaths growquiet. I hang on to the last moments of his voice because it’s all I’ll have left of him.

“Killer, I think I’ve loved you my whole life. First it was the hope of you, but then I found the real you, and that version was even better. I can’t picture another day of my life without you. You see me for the man I am and push me to be the best version of myself.”

The tears start again, blurring his face. And despite knowing the truth down to my bones, I still want to deny it because I love Noah more than anyone I’ve ever loved in my whole life. He’s the only man I’ve ever wanted.

“You’ve given me purpose, Goldie. And I want to spend the rest of my life repaying that gift. If you let me, I’ll spend Saturday afternoons trying to beat you at checkers and rainy days being your human coloring book. I’ll never watch past the last episode of any show we binge. And I’ll make it a point to kiss you silly every day of our lives. I want to grow old with you and laugh about how I met you shoplifting blood.”

My shaky hands come to his face, cradling it as I fall to my knees in front of him, almost face-to-face as he asks me the one question I’ve wanted to hear since the moment I fell in love with him.

“Goldie Monroe, will you marry me?”

My chin’s quivering so hard that I can’t make out my words past a whisper, so with shaky hands I pull him close, my lips at his ear.

“Only if you tell me whether I’m marrying Noah Adler or Davis Keller ...”

Noah sucks in a harsh breath, his hands clamping down over my wrist tightly, and I can feel him start to shake. My stomach caves as I pull away.

Because he doesn’t have to say a thing. He just finally told the truth. I’m trying to tug my hands away, but he won’t let me go.

The crowd around us cheers because we look like two people in love, so ecstatic about our future we can’t let go of each other. But really, we’re glued to each other because maybe he knows like I do how big a scar this will make once we rip apart.

“Please ... I can’t lose you,” he begs quietly.

All I hear is the tremble in Noah’s voice, along with my heart shattering.

I draw my face back and look him dead in the eyes, keeping my words between us. I want them to hurt him, because I will never recover.

“I will never forgive you. And I will forever hate, Noah.”

The absolute fear on his face burns into my mind, wrecking me. My bottom falls back to my feet, but he won’t let me go. We’re staring at each other, the truth finally between us, as I open my mouth with a silent scream, my face morphing with the devastation I feel.

“You broke my heart.”

I’m shaking my head as he holds on to me, repeating “Please” over and over. But I want to get away from him. Away from everything.

I wish I were dead. I think it would hurt less.