Page 64 of One Bad Knight
“We help each other out,” Travis added. “It’s not about owing. And also, even without the money, why wouldn’t we help protect someone important to you?”
Had everyone gone insane today? I told them what I was, like I had with Kat. And they still cared about me? “I killed people for the Luxis. I’m not like Calan. I’m an assassin.”
“Youwerean assassin,” Krystan shot over her shoulder just as she ascended the stairs with the baby. “Which makes a lot of sense in hindsight,” she muttered.
“Did you put some kind of crazy drugs into your tacos?” I asked Travis, hearing my own voice rise as I jerked to my feet. “Why is no one getting this? I’m a bad person. I’ve done bad things. I’m no better than the monsters. I’ve destroyed families. I killed a mother in front of her kids not two months ago.” I pounded my fist on the table to punctuate my point.
Thankfully, no baby wail followed my outburst. I was scared of few things, but Krystan had somehow made the list.
Travis’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You did what now?”
Relieved I had an opportunity to convince them I was a monster, I recounted what happened. Krystan returned, to sit at the table and listen to my sins.
I told them how the kids were tied up on the bed, the carpet soaked in gasoline, and before I could remove the mom, the demon was going to turn incendiary. The woman’s screaming, crying children could do nothing but watch as I slayed their mother.
Travis’s face grew stony as I told him, and a bit of me found relief that he was finally believing me. Any second they would throw me out on my ass and tell me never to come back. They’d watch Kat, if for no other reason to assure her the bad man had gone.
“Jesus,” Krystan breathed when I finished.
Travis rubbed his forehead.
I let out a sigh of relief. They finally got it.
“I can’t believe you had to go through that, man,” Travis said staring at a spot on the table, as if haunted by what I told him.
Unable to take this lunacy anymore, I pushed away from the table and ran my fingers through my hair. “You guys have this all wrong. I’m the killer here. I don’t deserve your sympathy.”
Krystan stood up and pointed at my seat. “You, sit down, and shut up for two minutes.”
My mouth clicked shut and I did so.
“Were you the one trying to sacrifice children? No. Did you want to kill the mother? No. It was a hard decision, and you did it to save her kids.”
“Calan would have—”
“Forget Calan. What if Travis or I had been in your situation? Could we have done any better? Calan has lost his powers on multiple occasions. The same thing could have happened to him. Though maybe if it had been any of us, we would have hesitated and gotten those kids hurt or worse. You hate yourself because you knew you couldn’t hesitate. Gatsby, you’ve had a pretty shitty life. You’ve been abused and treated like a goddamn slave. And now you want to tell me you’re the bad guy here? Since you’ve been on your own, have you run around and indiscriminately killed people? Summoned demons? Fuck no.
“You showed up when we called. You came when we thought the world was ending and did your best. Do you really think Travis and I are just piles of shit because we can’t exorcise demons out of people? No. We do the damn job. We save people as best we can and it’s not perfect. Now I’m going to go into the kitchen and make hot chocolate and cry because I’m knocked up again. And you will sit and wait until I bring it back and drink it because it is the polite thing to do. And for the last goddamn time, you are not a bad person.”
Tears had gathered at the corners of her eyes, and her pale skin flushed. As soon as she finished her speech, she rushed out of the dining room and into the kitchen.
It took a moment to realize I hadn’t taken a single breath during her speech. I finally filled my lungs with air and slumped back in the rickety chair. Suddenly, I felt drained.
A low chuckle brought my attention back up.
Travis shook his head with a slight smile. “I never realized it before now, but you are a lot like Krystan.”
“I’m not sure if that’s a compliment.”
“I’m not sure if I mean it as one.” Then leaning his arms on the table, he said, “She tried to do what you’re doing right now—run away because she didn’t think she deserved better. She ran away from my love. It fucking terrified her. But eventually she stopped running.”
“Because you knocked her up.”
Travis let out a long-suffering sigh. “Yes, I knocked her up. Let’s totally forget the fact she gotmedrunk for that one-night stand. But come on, man, why are you really leaving? Are you afraid you are going to hurt this girl? Or maybe the truth is”—he leaned into one arm, looking me dead in the eye—“that no one can protect her better because you love her. And you are leaving because you are terrified. Terrified you don’t know how to love or let love in. But how can I put this in a way you big Knights of the Light jock heads would get? It’s like a muscle, or a weapon. Relationships take time and training. You don’t do it perfectly every time, but you show up and fight for that other person and they show up and fight for you. Eventually you get better at it.” He shot a fond look at the door to the kitchen where Krystan disappeared to.
Before I knew what was happening, I was up and across the room. “Tell Krystan I’m sorry about the hot chocolate. Please look after Kat.” The front door closed soundlessly behind me.
“What do they know?” I muttered as I swung my leg over my bike. I pulled out the smushed pack of cigarettes I had stashed in my jacket pocket. I lit one up. Inhaling deeply, I let out a fog of smoke, the burn feeling good in my lungs. Then I sped off, trying to escape the stupidity of people in this city. I couldn’t save them from their addled minds, but I could certainly keep from contributing to their delusions.