Vern
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop thinking about Falco.
I expected the change in work sites to help me forget about him, but it only made me that much more aware of how I yearned to have him near me, how much I missed him.
No amount of chastising myself for allowing feelings for him to develop made them go away.
I knew he wasn’t destined to be my mate, yet I couldn’t contain my immense longing to fulfil that role for him.
And after I imagined him watching me from a distance while I worked, I resolved to visit him at the end of my day.
Just to ease some of the ache. I knew it wasn’t a wise decision, the same as spending the previous night with him wouldn’t have been, but I needed some kind of relief from the hard ball that had been churning in my gut all day.
I would knock on his door to say hello, and when he responded, I would leave again.
Seeing him and hearing his voice would be enough.
It had to be since I could never expect anything more.
As usual, I waited until most of my brothers had left the site, cleaning up behind them.
Instead of packing up the scraps of wood to carry beyond the meadow, I piled them off to the side and planned to take a double load the next day.
With Falco’s house in the opposite direction, I doubted I would find time to do both.
On my way to visit the outer-worlder, I wondered if maybe I did have a chance with him.
After all, Holden said he hadn’t expected to be mated to someone from their world.
He’d taken Nelson immediately to Banir under the assumption that the first outer-worlder would become mates with the leader of the Enchanted Forest. Yet, it hadn’t worked out that way.
Perhaps there was a chance for me, though I was sure many in the community, especially my brothers, would object.
Yet, Falco had asked me to stay for dinner.
He’d kissed me; the memory of his lips on my cheek still made my skin tingle.
And he’d even wanted me to spend the night at his house.
All that had to mean something. Plus, no one else had come to the house while I’d been working on it.
If someone else had wanted Falco as their mate, they likely should have been there courting him as fast as possible before he fell for someone else.
That day I’d first encountered Falco, Holden had reminded me that the outer-worlder got to choose his own mate, that no one could claim him or force him into any type of relationship.
So, maybe he would choose me. If I didn’t keep running away from him.
As I approached the house, the sudden confidence I’d felt drained away, and a sense of dread replaced it. I understood why when I heard voices. Someone else was with Falco, and they talked on his front porch.
I darted off into the trees to avoid being seen.
I didn’t want anyone to think I was spying on the outer-worlder, even though that was exactly what I did.
Careful where I placed my steps, I crept closer to find out who sat with Falco.
I didn’t need to see the person as I recognized his voice.
It came like a punch to the gut. My older brother, Onyx, was courting the outer-worlder.
Any chance I thought I had with Falco instantly drained away.
Onyx was smarter, had a more fit human body, and had always told me that I had nothing to offer any outer-worlder.
Perhaps he’d been right all along. I’d been dumb to think I even stood a chance, even if it was only for a few moments.
Yet, the idea of Falco being with anyone else other than me ripped at my heart.
I stumbled back, and when I did, something dug into my foot.
I immediately jumped away to find out what I’d stepped on.
A wooden carving. The one I’d given to Falco the night before.
He’d accepted it from me then tossed it away.
Had he done that because I’d rejected his request to spend the night?
Or had the idea of a gift from me repulsed him?
Maybe he’d seen me as nothing more than a builder tasked with finishing his house.
Because that’s all I was. That’s all I ever would be. I picked up the flower and stuck it in my tool belt. Falco didn’t want it. No outer-worlder would ever want it or any of the other carvings I made.
I rushed back to the building site. I did have time to take the scraps beyond the meadow after all. On my way, I stuck to the edge of the forest, not wanting to chance running into another outer-worlder. I never should have been there to meet Falco. That had been my first mistake.
No, my first mistake had been carving all the figurines, holding onto the thought that I would one day give them to my mate.
Because no one wanted to be my mate. No one would ever be my mate when there were so many others available for the outer-worlders that arrived.
I had no chance with Falco or anyone else.
After tossing all the scraps into the compost pit, I threw the carvings I made in one by one, each of them tearing away a piece of my heart as they disappeared into the mass of water, wood, and vegetation.
I vowed to no longer even entertain the idea of having a mate. I only had one purpose, and that was to build. It was the only thing I was good at and could feel proud of. Because any other feelings only led to an unbearable ache in my heart. And I never wanted to experience that pain again.