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SNEAK PEEK: brEAK DOWN

A M/M RUGBY ROMANCE

Love M/M sports romance that brings all the angst? Then check out brEAK DOWN, a high-heat, emotionally intense rugby romance featuring a closeted bisexual athlete on the brink of retirement, an out-and-proud chef with no time for secrecy, scorching chemistry and vulnerability, and a love that demands the courage to be seen.

I left behind everything I love to keep my secret safe.

I’ve been a starter for Dublin Rugby since I was twenty. It’s all I’ve ever known.

But after a close call with a secret I’ve spent my whole life hiding, I’m forced to leave the club I love, traded to one of our biggest rivals.

Edinburgh wasn’t the plan. It wasn’t even my choice. But it’s where I’ll play out my final season, whether I like it or not.

I told myself I’d keep my head down, finish strong, and pretend that was enough.

Then I walked into a quiet little restaurant and met Chef Lachlan MacLeod.

He’s everything I shouldn’t want—tattooed, stunning, and worst of all, out . The kind of man I swore I wouldn’t go near again.

But I keep going back. First for the food. Then for the friendship.

Until one taste brings me to my knees. Until loving him stops feeling dangerous and starts feeling inevitable.

I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anything. But wanting isn’t enough if I don’t have the courage to tell the world he’s mine.

There’s nothing safe about loving a lie.

I’ve fought like hell to build a life I’m proud of—one where I own who I am and don’t make excuses for my past. For the addictions, the chaos, or the men who broke my heart.

My only rule? I don’t go near closeted guys anymore. Especially not the ones who play it straight in public but beg me to take them apart in private.

But then Liam Donnelly walks into my restaurant—all bruised pride, killer smile, and eyes that won’t stop watching me.

He’s everything I shouldn’t want: guarded, complicated, and deeply closeted.

But underneath all that swagger, there’s something real. Raw. Aching.

I try to be his friend. To keep my distance.

But when he finally gives in to what’s been burning between us, I fall harder than I ever meant to.

I want to build a life with him, but if he can’t love me out loud, I won’t let him love me at all.

CHAPTER ONE

Liam

My gaze darted to the paper gripped in my shaking hands. To say that I was disappointed in my new contract would be an understatement. Sure, I hadn’t had the best season—a rotator cuff tear that had me spending more time at the physio than on the pitch hadn’t helped—but you would think the years I’d played for Dublin would have garnered some goodwill for my future.

“So that’s it then?” I raised my head and met my agent’s sharp eyes.

“Maybe not.” Sean reached into his desk and pulled out an unmarked folio. “I know you don’t want to leave Dublin, but I put some feelers out in case another team might be interested.”

“What?” I snapped, angry he’d gone against my explicit wishes. We’d talked about this repeatedly. Playing for Dublin was my childhood dream, and I wanted to finish my career here.

“Calm down. You may not have anticipated this, but I did. Dublin is building a team of young players with an eye to the future, and Ireland wants to focus on guys who can play through to the next World Cup. You’re too old for that now.”

I wanted to tell Sean he was out of his fucking mind, but at thirty-two, it’d be a goddamn miracle if my body held out until then. As it was, I’d spent almost a year sidelined with injury, and once that happened to a guy my age, getting back to peak physical condition was the exception, not the rule.

“You know I’m right. I can see it in your eyes. And you know as well as I do that McConnell kid is the future. He had some great games while you were out, which was all they needed to justify that.” He notched his head toward the contract.

He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his desk, his fingers forming a steeple against his lips. “Good money to be found in Edinburgh, though.”

“I can’t go to Scotland, Sean.”

“I don’t want to be insensitive, but what’s keeping you here?” He raised a perfectly groomed eyebrow at me.

What indeed?

“Fuck,” I muttered, dropping my head into my hands. “Can this year suck any harder?”

“You really want me to answer that?”

“No,” I responded with a sigh. We both knew my year could have been way worse.

Sean was one of only a handful of people who knew about the crisis I’d narrowly avoided and what the toll could have been, both on my personal and professional life.

“Hey,” he said, his tone gentling. “Do you want to hear what I think?”

Sean wasn’t just my agent; he was also my sister’s husband and one of my closest friends. He had my best interests at heart. I wanted his advice, even if I wouldn’t like it.

I blew out a thick breath and nodded.

“Edinburgh could be what you need. Ever since The Incident—” he used his fingers to make air quotes “—you’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop. It might be good to go somewhere you don’t need to constantly be looking over your shoulder.”

“Of course I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop.” I laughed cynically. “Blackmail will do that to a man.”

Sean leaned back, holding his hands up in a show of surrender. “Look, I’m not saying you don’t have every reason to be concerned. I don’t trust that asshole not to come back demanding more money in a couple of years. But maybe if you weren’t around to tempt him, we could buy you more time between now and then.”

“He signed an NDA. Doesn’t that buy me some time?”

My brother-in-law shrugged. “It should. But here’s the thing: nothing actually happens if he breaks it. You can threaten to sue him, but if you do, everyone finds out anyway. He’s probably not smart enough to have figured that out yet, but when he does, it’s only a matter of time until he releases the pictures.”

“Fuck,” I muttered, having long ago run out of eloquent ways to express how I felt about what happened with Conor Henry. Not for the first time, I wished I’d never met the asshole. But if wishes were horses, beggars would ride, as my gran liked to say.

“Go to Edinburgh, Liam,” Sean urged. “You’ll make good money, and while you’re there, you can figure out the other thing.”

I raised my eyes to his. “There’s nothing to figure out. It was a one-time deal.”

He studied me intently for a few beats. “Okay,” he nodded eventually. “But even if it wasn’t, you know you always have our support.”

While technically, what had happened with Conor was a one-time thing, I hated making a liar of myself.

For years, I’d avoided acting on my desires, but now that I had, I didn’t know if I could deny that part of myself anymore.

While I definitely loved pussy, apparently, I also really liked cock.

Or rather, I enjoyed another man sucking mine—not something generally accepted in the world of professional sports.

And with Conor’s threat hanging over my head, I didn’t know how much longer I’d be able to keep that secret hidden.

Rugby was more inclusive than other sports, but there were zero openly gay players on any major team’s roster. There was a guy playing in the U.S., but American rugby didn’t count. And Nigel Owens was a retired referee. The best in the world, as it happened, but even then, you still heard slurs aimed at him.

Guys like my teammates Declan O’Shaughnessy and Aidan Quark wouldn’t give two shits where I liked to stick my dick, but the other lads? I didn’t want to see disgust in the eyes of men I’d stood next to in the showers.

I knew that made me a coward, but I had no interest in becoming the poster boy for queer athletes, especially since I wasn’t even sure that’s what I was.

Just because I’d loved shoving my cock down Conor’s throat didn’t mean I was about to go out and fuck some random guy—or get fucked by one, either. Blow jobs were one thing, but that was a whole other can of worms. One that I didn’t know if I was ready to open.

You’re fooling yourself , my subconscious argued. Now that you’ve tasted the forbidden fruit, you want more.

Which was all the more reason I needed to get the fuck away from Conor Henry and the turmoil he had caused me.

Because even though I wanted to murder him, I also really wanted to fuck him. Properly.

And that meant I needed to leave.

I dropped my head back and stared at Sean’s ceiling for a few beats. With a weary sigh, I made my decision.

“Make the deal,” I told him, my head falling forward. Sean nodded once, the right side of his mouth lifting with smug satisfaction. “And wipe that shit-eating grin off your face.” I marched out of his office without waiting for his reply.

Back in my car, I took a few moments to recalibrate. I was known for my instincts on the pitch, but off it, they’d led me straight to Conor’s apartment at three o’clock in the morning. Not that I regretted the experience; I just wished I’d chosen someone more trustworthy. Someone who wouldn’t blackmail me afterward.

The saddest part was that even with the threat of exposure hanging over my head, I would have done it all over again.

From the first second I’d seen him, I’d been drawn to him like a moth to a flame. He was the physical embodiment of every dark fantasy I’d ever had—and he’d known it, too.

When he cornered me in the dark hall leading to the VIP section of the club and whispered in my ear how badly he wanted to drop to his knees and taste me, I nearly came right then and there. But it was when he palmed my cock through my jeans and kissed me hungrily, licking his way inside my mouth and sucking on my tongue, that I gave in.

Through hungry pants and whispered moans, I told him that I’d never been with another man before, but had always wanted to. He’d laughed, promised to be gentle, and then led me out through the back door.

But everything went to shit when we got to his place, and I told him I couldn’t stay the night. Explained that we weren’t going to have sex.

That was when he revealed his true colors, using my vulnerability against me and abusing the trust I placed in him. Ruined something I’d been longing for my whole damn life, leaving me riddled with guilt and remorse.

I never should have kissed that asshole while, in the background, Michael Jackson sang about how someone made him feel and how they really turned him on.