Page 24 of On the Ropes of Scandal (With Love in Their Corner #3)

“I will, especially now.” He had greater responsibilities, and they pressed in on him.

As his memories continued to return and strengthen, he grew ashamed of them.

And oddly enough, he didn’t know if he wanted to be that man any longer, for that man would disappoint Phoebe.

Even though she’d lied and basically held him captive in a life he didn’t lead, he missed the simplicity of that existence… when he had her.

“What do you want to start with today, then? Sparring or the bags?”

“Anything would be useful at this point.” As he spoke, Duncan removed his top hat and greatcoat.

He dumped them onto a wooden chair resting near one of the walls.

“I can almost hear the questions sitting on the tip of your tongue. Out with them.” The sooner they had the conversation out of the way, the faster he could move on.

Alexander rubbed a hand along the side of his face. They were very much alike, he and his brother, that they could pass as twins, and had often played tricks on professors at Eton when they were younger. “I can’t believe you’re a married man.”

“You and me both.” He struggled out of his jacket of green superfine. It landed atop his outer garments. “But it could have been worse, I suppose.”

“There is that.” His brother looked at him with speculation. “And physical relations between you are…?”

“Strained. Non-existent, really.” As heat went up the back of Duncan’s neck, he wrenched off his waistcoat of tan corduroy. “I’m still annoyed with her for meddling in my life and for trapping me into a marriage I never wanted.”

“Yet you spent a week with her in Surrey, for all intents and purposes a content man with a wife, working at a bakery.” Alexander’s lips curved with a cheeky grin. “I can’t believe it, but to be fair, once Lewis and I realized you were missing, we were quite frantic.”

“You should have come looking for me sooner.” Had no one cared?

“How the hell were we to know? Half the time you either keep to The Albany or you’re with one of your lady friends, and since you were in a snit with us for doing more of the responsibilities here, we assumed you were making a statement by not coming by.

” He dropped a hand on Duncan’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry. We should have been more perceptive.

” The same sentiment reflected in his brown eyes.

“It’s all right.” He nodded and then stripped off his shirt.

Once he’d tossed it away, he moved toward the line of leather punching bags.

Two were filled with sand for the more experienced boxers and two were filled with packed straw.

“What am I to do with my wife? The more time I spend with her, the less likely I’ll be to bed her. ”

“Then do it.” Alexander snorted. “You’re married. There’s no scandal in it.”

“How can I when I’m not sure if I trust her?”

His brother laughed as if that were the largest joke. “So then all the other women you’ve taken into your bed have had that for you?”

“I won’t dignify that with a response.”

Alexander hooted again. “The fact that you’re struggling over this means you must have cared deeply for her, and that’s why you are taking the betrayal so hard.

” He shrugged. “Remove the lies and start at the feelings. Those were real. Besides, I truly don’t believe she was after a title or a boost into society.

The poor thing seems quite genuine and mortified about what happened.

” He sobered, and there was compassion in his eyes.

“Now she’ll be thrust into society with absolutely no training.

Mama is helping, but it’s a tall order.”

And why the devil had their mother taken a special liking to Phoebe, anyway? She hadn’t shown nearly that same affection to his brothers’ wives. He stiffened his spine. “It’s Phoebe’s own fault.”

“Perhaps, but she did take care of you when you went missing. Tended to your wounds. Looked after you. Dare I say loved you?” One of his eyebrows rose in question.

Heat went up the back of Duncan’s neck. “She lied to me.”

“As if you haven’t done that in your life.”

“She told me we were expecting a baby.” He maneuvered behind one of the bags filled with sand while his brother stood close and held it so it wouldn’t swing.

“The odd thing? I was ecstatic at the news.” Then he threw a punch into the bag.

Damn but it felt good to return to this sort of exercise he truly enjoyed.

“I thought I would have a family of my own.” Did it sound pathetic to admit that?

Not knowing, he pummeled the hell out of the bag with quick strikes and jabs.

“I don’t doubt you did, which is why you have taken issue with everything. Can you imagine yourself with a child?”

He shrugged, not trusting his voice, for the loss of that tiny hope—even if it had been a lie—put a ball of emotion in his throat.

“I firmly believe you loved her.” Alexander frowned.

“She taught you about her world, helped you to acclimate to it, built a life with you when you didn’t know who you were.

When you were naught but a stranger to her.

It was a huge a sacrifice and a commitment for her. In many ways, I’m in awe of that.”

“So am I, damn it.” Punch, punch. “What she did was wrong.”

“Perhaps, but she did what none of us could do.”

“And what was that?”

Alexander flashed a cheeky grin. “Bring you to heel. And what was more, you went willing. Hell, I think you’d let her lead you on a merry chase if you were so damned stubborn.”

What was there to say about that. “Do shut up.”

For the next quarter of an hour, he gave himself up to punching the bag with varying degrees of force and different styles of punches, jabs, and upper cuts. The dull sound of his fists connecting with the taut leather was quite satisfying. And it helped him think.

Eventually, his brother broke the silence. “Do you still harbor those feelings for her?”

“How can I? Everything was a lie. Everything we had together was a lie.”

“Was it? Or was the lie only when you bedded her and truly felt something for a woman for the first time in your life? That you have spent countless hours denying to yourself? Because you are afraid that if you truly fall, she might not return those feelings, and you don’t wish to look the fool?”

All valid points, and they only helped to order his thoughts slightly. “I don’t know. How could I know?”

“God, you’re nearly gone over her, I’d say, even if those feelings came about in an unconventional way.” Alexander shrugged. “Why don’t you simply ask her?”

He frowned and gave the bag one more punch. His knuckles were red and hurting, for he hadn’t wrapped his hands, but it was a satisfying ache. “Why do you care?”

“I want you to be happy, to have what I do with Lydia, what Lewis has with Cecilia. Marriage isn’t a prison sentence when you’re with the right person. It’s more freeing, or rather it enhances what you already were and makes a man… better.”

Was that true? Is that what he felt when in Phoebe’s company? “Bah. I was already quite exceptional.”

His brother snorted. “Yes, an exceptional arse. Right proper one too.” Alexander nodded and winked. “Do you still wish to be that man?”

That question so closely mirrored his earlier thoughts that he gawked a bit at his brother. “I don’t know.”

“Now who is dissembling?” Alexander gave him a knowing look. “Will you ignore your wife and take a mistress?”

“I can’t say at this time.” The time he’d shared with her in Surrey went through his mind then jumped to how he wanted her even now but doesn’t know if he can trust her. Did it matter all that much? Could they merely build upon what they already had together?

“Are you upset that she lied or that you enjoyed the life you had with her?”

“It’s complicated.” He gave the bag another few punches.

“Ah.” Alexander moved away from the bag so that Duncan could work with it while it swung for the added challenge.

“Consider the situation from her viewpoint. Phoebe truly didn’t know who you were, so she couldn’t exactly have written to anyone, nor could she turn you out on your own, where you would have been put into danger.

” He paused as he met Duncan’s gaze. “That has to count for something. She has a good heart, and she’s truly suffering because of it.

” He blew out a breath. “Give her latitude, brother. Letting yourself fall for her is a lesser crime than some escapades you’ve embroiled yourself in.

Domestication could be just the thing you’ve needed. ”

This was also true, and mimicked some of his own thoughts. “I suppose I should find out if she knows how to dance.”

“Indeed.” Alexander’s expression brightened, and it made Duncan feel a bit lighter as well.

“Lydia and I are throwing an autumnal rout in a few days since she’s really taken to being a viscountess.

Bring your wife. Mama’s helping her with a wardrobe.

It can get Phoebe’s feet wet in society.

She’ll be among friends, which will assist in tamping down nerves. ”

“Thank you. I will.” He nodded. “The longer I punch this bag, the more my memories of boxing come back. That brings me comfort, for it is a vital part of myself I was missing.”

“Excellent news!” His brother grinned. “Will you tell your wife that you have another bout this weekend? I assume you aren’t dropping out.”

Truly, he’d forgotten that with everything else. “I’m still in good shape, and God knows I could use the prize purse if I win. The enormity of needing to take care of a house and a wife isn’t lost on me.”

“Good. Lewis will be pleased, and I promise, we will both be there.”

A sense of peace fell over him. “Hell, perhaps I should announce it at your rout. Isn’t that what you fellows did with your wives to make them fly into a pelter then ultimately accompany you? Why skew tradition?”

“Now who’s being cheeky?”

With a grin, he gave the bag another punch. “Partner me. Let’s see if I still have skill against an opponent.”

“Ha! This might be my only chance to knock you out,” Alexander joked as he stepped away and began to remove pieces of clothing.

“Or make me blissfully unaware again,” Duncan said in a low voice. That was the only way his heart would cease to ache.

Wasn’t it?