Page 44

“Chelsea,” he says carefully, “what happens when you go back to Phoenix?”

I was about to fall asleep, but I guess we’re having this conversation right now. Cutting straight to the chase.

“I work. You work. We figure out how to do this across time zones.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean?”

“I mean are you going back because you have to, or because you want to?”

The question I could have avoided altogether because the reality of it is too hard to face. Because the answer is complicated, layered with practical considerations and emotional truths I’m not sure I’m ready to examine.

“Both. Neither. I don’t know.”

“But?”

“I have clients who depend on me. A lease. A life I’ve spent months building.”

“You don’t have to choose. We can make this work long-distance.”

“Can we? Really?” I turn to face him fully. “Because my track record with complicated situations isn’t great. I tend to run when things get difficult.”

“So don’t run.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Do you love me?” he asks, and my gut twists at the question.

I look up at him. “You know I do.”

“Then what is it going to take for you to stay?” he murmurs.

“Stay?” I ask. “I just told you that I have–”

“If you love me, everything else is logistics.”

“Logistics matter, Reed. Career logistics, family logistics, geographic logistics. Love doesn’t solve practical problems.”

“No, but it makes them worth solving.”

He reaches for my hand, fingers interlacing with mine.

“Look,” he continues, “I’m not asking you to abandon your life in Phoenix. I’m just asking you to consider whether the life you’re building there is the one you actually want.”

“What if I don’t know what I want?”

He doesn’t say anything, and the space gives me time to hear myself.

I’m doing it again. I’m not choosing him.

I’m chasing something else entirely that’s making me miserable and torn up on the inside, but I can’t let my guard down.

I won’t uproot my life for someone. I’ve seen what happens to people when they do that.

“I need to think about it,” I say.

“Good. Think about it. Take all the time you need.”

“What if I decide Phoenix is where I belong?”

“Then I’ll visit every chance I get. We’ll make it work because it’s worth making work.”

He pulls me closer. “Don’t leave anytime soon. Stay more than a day. Stay a week. Two weeks. A month.”

“Tempting.”

“I’m very tempting.”

“You’re also very cocky.”

He smirks.

“I have work and people relying on me though, so I can’t stay too long.”

He lowers me back onto his chest, and suddenly guilt overtakes every nerve in my body. I can feel his heart start to race under my ear.

God, what is wrong with me? Why can’t I just do what I know would make me happy? Having this heart underneath me every night would solve a lot of my problems, or would it?

“I’m sorry,” I mutter.

He kisses the top of my head. “Don’t be sorry, Chelsea. I love you just the way you are.”

My eyes water because I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve this human’s heart handed to me because I have no idea what to do with it.

I think I love him so much that it hurts.

“I’m just happy you’re here,” he whispers, rubbing my arm. “Let’s get some sleep.”

I nod, making myself comfortable against him. I’ve never wrapped myself on another person before. I think the last time I ever showed someone how much I loved them was my mother, and then she left me, and I was alone with this heart of love just for her.

I didn’t realize how much it was still affecting me after all this time. I’m almost thirty, and I wince at the idea. I know it’s time that I grow up, grow out of that trauma.

I grab Reed tightly and press my ear against his chest. Soon enough, his heartbeat slows along with his breathe, and I’m just left with my own thoughts that are telling me I should stay. The other parts are screaming at me to leave, to run away because this equals pain.

I close my eyes, begging and pleading with myself to figure my shit out.

The next day, I wake up in his arms. He wastes no time rolling on top of me and kissing me. He presses his solid length against me, and I’m aching for him. I need to know that this is worth it, and then I’ll make my decision.

I slide my hands down his pants, rubbing him. He pushes a finger against me, and I moan.

I’ve never needed anyone like I’ve needed him. This is pure torture, so I rip our clothes off and put my mouth on the tip of his dick.

“Chelsea,” he moans, watching me. I work my tongue around his length, bobbing my head to please him. His eyes roll back, and I feel powerful. I feel like the most important woman in the world to him, and it means everything.

I keep a fast pace, flicking my tongue, sucking him off.

He grabs me by my arms and places me on the bed. “Your turn.”

I shake my head. “I just need you right now.” I grab his cock, pulling him down to me. “Please.”

He aims for me, and then his eyes connect with mine. “Chelsea,” he breathes. “I love you.”

He starts pumping into me slowly. I grab his shoulders and kiss him.

“I love you too.”

“Then don’t go,” he says, working his hips faster. And this isn’t fair. Not fair at all. “Don’t leave me again. Move in with me.”

Emotions are coursing through my body as he works his fingers on me now. I start panting against his neck.

“Chelsea,” he breathes. “Tell me you’re mine. That you’ll always be mine.”

“I will,” I nod, feeling the pressure of the build. “I just need time.”

He works his fingers faster. “I’m waiting. I’ll always be waiting for you.”

He doesn’t give me a second to breathe. Instead I’m clawing at him, desperately as he tells me to come over and over. He’s begging me to show him how much I love them, and that does it. My body climbs over the edge, and I’m in complete ecstasy.

I clutch at the sheets underneath me as my orgasm explodes through my body. It feels like a force of pleasure plowing through all my defenses.

“I won’t make you wait very long,” I pant. “I want this. I want you. I swear. Now come for me, Reed. Come inside of me.”

He works his hips while kissing my lips, and I feel the warmth shoot out of him.

He pulls out of me and quickly cleans me up. He even wipes my neck where his lips were, and then he wraps me in his arms until our breathes have evened out.

“Hungry?” he asks.

I nod. “Very.”

The next morning the plane lifts me off, carrying me back to Arizona and whatever decisions await there. But I’m not running this time. I’m just going home to figure out what home actually means.

And whether it might be worth rebuilding somewhere else.

With someone who makes me smile more than anyone else has in this world.