Page 82 of Of the Stars and Sea

A shadow passes over his face and I know he means it. Grayson’s hands are stained with the blood of others. He’s killed people who willingly surrendered to him just to ensure they could never cause harm to others again.

He understands.

And I am safe with him.

Or at least that’s what the quiet voice in the back of my mind tells me. The part of me that I want to believe is right more than anything else.

I take in a shuddering breath and let the tension fall from my shoulders, but even with my best efforts, I can’t ward off the nausea that roils in my stomach when I think of what I have done.

“When my father died and I was bequeathed theTrinity, his crew had all but abandoned me. There were only a few members left who were willing to sail under my flag. I was young and inexperienced. And once Red Beard made it known that I was to take my father’s place in paying off his debts, the last remaining few left.

“I was alone . . . with a notorious last name, a ship with no crew, and a mountain of debt that would cost me my life if I didn’t pay it off. With Red Beard’s reach, there was nowhere I could hide. He would have found me and killed me . . . or worse.”

Grayson moves his hand to the top of my thigh and squeezes.

“So, I was left with one option. Build a crew and ensure they have no choice but to stay with me until the debts were paid.”

Understanding flashes in Grayson’s eyes. “You trapped them.”

I swallow the large knot in my throat and nod. “I chose people who had no business crewing a ship, let alone chasing bounties across the Aelynthi Sea. Most of them were closer to being a child than they were an adult. Most had seen the worst the world has to offer, and when I came along . . .”

“Joining your crew seemed like a much better option compared to the hand they were originally dealt,” Grayson says.

“Yes.”

“Did they know?” he asks.

“That they were going to be indebted to Red Beard as well?”

He nods and I hate the way his lips draw down.

“Yes. They all knew.” I clear my throat and sit up straighter. “Though, I’m not sure they all understood the gravity of what they were signing up for. Most of them saw me as a savior. Someone who took mercy on them, reached out a hand to them. I showed them kindness when they’d only known violence. But as the years drew on and we hardly made a dent in what was owed to Red Beard, a lot of them started to lose hope.”

I pause, biting my lip. But never Amara. Never Wells or Raven. They would have chosen to sail with me until the end of time, regardless of Red Beard’s debts.

“Then you saw a way out.”

“I did.” My gaze shifts to the Serpent’s Key sitting on my nightstand. The fire opal’s glow emanates from the golden box, casting an array of light over the edges.

“How did you know Blythe was going to steal the artifact? I’ve had my spies with their ears to the ground for decades waiting to hear of someone who might go after it. We didn’t catch wind of it until the day of.”

“It wasn’t me. Red Beard called me in for a new bounty and once he told us that Blythe was going after the Serpent’s Key, I thought stealing it for ourselves would give my crew and I the opportunity to be rid of Red Beard forever.”

“And you were successful.”

“But it cost me the life of my friend.” My eyes burn again, but no tears come this time.

“Raven.” I wince as Grayson says her name. I haven’t heard it spoken aloud since the night she died.

“How do you know her name?” My bottom lip trembles.

“Death whispers loudly in my ear, Little Pearl.” Heat singes my skin as he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. His fingers trail down my neck before his hand settles back onto the top of my thigh. “You need to forgive yourself.”

“How can I do that when she won’t be here to enjoy the freedom she fought so hard for?”

“But she is free,” he whispers gently.

I stare at him, but I don’t see his face. Everything in the room blurs as I think back to the last moments of her life. Her face was serene as she gazed up at the cresting sun that chased away the night’s darkness. I’d told her she would be free of this world. That she would dance across the heavens, no longer burdened by the pain of her past.