Page 32
“You are forgiven, Clara.” Her way of life, her pattern of thinking had been brutally challenged. Her personhood and privacy torn away. The life she’d previously led was shattered. “You’ve had to endure more than most. You don’t believe you’ll have much of a life as a blind woman, do you?”
She shook her head.
“I believe you’ve just begun to live.”
He pulled her to his chest, in a light embrace. She gripped his lapels and wept into his coat. The implications if anyone saw him...
He had his own apology to make. “I revealed a terrible truth we’d planned to keep hidden. I am also sorry. No girl should know such things about her father.” At least not one so young.
She shook her head. “Not your fault.”
He fished for a handkerchief and pressed it into her hands.
She cleared her raspy throat. “I did what you told me to do. I’ve been praying. I’ve prayed so much I don’t know what to say anymore. Please tell me that He hears me, that He cares, because I just don’t feel it. I am so ashamed...”
How often her manners danced in step with shame and desperation.
“You’re scared. And you need to know that you aren’t guilty for your father’s crimes.
His sins are not yours. You aren’t guilty for your blindness, either.
Or Mr. Grant’s cowardice. You aren’t guilty for your Mother’s cold absence.
” The list grew. “You aren’t responsible for how you’ve been treated by your so-called friends. You’re only responsible for you.”
“But here...” she pressed a hand to her heart, “The pain squeezes so—I’ll go wild if it won’t go away.”
“Let Him hold it.”
“I don’t know how.”
He’d give anything to see her face light up. To see her move about her days with purpose rather than guilt. If only he could pour the love of Christ right into her—he softly traced a finger around her jaw. She flinched, but didn’t let go. Her lips, curvy and bright.
“Why have these things happened to me?”
“For God’s ultimate glory. ”
“What glory?”
“Ask Him to show you.”
“Can you? For me?”
He bent his head, grazed his lips gently across hers. “You are very much loved,” he whispered.
She gasped. Footsteps approached and he released her. What had he done? How had he confused the love God asked him to have for her with this? What madness had taken hold of him last night?
Her hand touched where he’d kissed her. She turned away.
But he didn’t want to let go. He released her other hand. She found a chair and wrapped her arms around her middle. The door opened. Mrs. Ramshaw. Of course.
“Weeping shall last for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” The old woman shot a wide smile.
“Mrs. Ramshaw?” Clara’s voice still scratched. “I need help.”
“Yes, darlin’. You surely do.” She rested her hands upon Clara’s shoulders.
Daniel panicked. Gossip about a private kiss in the parlor might add up to a sudden engagement. His heart thudded. Would Clara tell her? Francine would be furious. He grinned.
“What are you so happy about, Reverend?”
Clara sniffed, but didn’t say a word. Fresh tears coursed down her face again, she swiped at them.
“Now, now.” Mrs. Ramshaw placed a blanket around her body. “Don’t make yourself sick. All’s well that ends well.”
ALL WAS NOT WELL. NOT by a long shot. Clara sat upon her bed, wondering at Reverend Merrick’s words. His soft, tender kiss. I believe you’ve just begun to live...give it to Him...the glory of God. How he managed to so easily forgive her.. .
She’d nearly asked him to read her some biblical passages. Embarrassment crept in. How often had she taken the time to read her Bible while she had the chance? And now the opportunity to read in private was forever lost to her.
She knelt by her trunk and retrieved the rarely read leather-bound book—tossed in by thoughtless Marie.
She crept into her bed and opened it in the middle.
She gently stroked the words she knew were there.
Page after page, she stroked, willing the words to come to her until she was too drowsy to think.
She closed the book and held it tightly to her chest and snuggled deep beneath her blankets. Words did finally come. Long ago memorized. Childhood recollections. “Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done...”
She paused. Wait...there was more
“Thy will be done...” on she went, careful with each word—so often glossed over in unthinking rote.
“Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those...” She paused again.
That pressing pain. She must forgive them of the resentment living within her, eating away at her joy.
She held her hands out as though she carried the ugly weight.
“I have to give it to You, I don’t know how to forgive.
It’s too much. It’s too much.” Agonized whispers lifted.
“Deliver us from evil”— deliver me from evil ... I am sorry...
Daniel’s gentle touch came to her again, his words. You are very much loved... The idea seemed impossible.
DANIEL PET CAT, THINKING of the position he’d put himself in.
He hadn’t well and truly kissed her—just, well, gently so.
He rubbed his chin. He’d been thinking of how much love Clara needed.
Deserved. He supposed he ought to feel ashamed.
He couldn’t find a good reason to berate himself, however.
But if Mrs. Ramshaw found out, would she give him the boot?
“Lord? What do you think?” Oh, for the freedom to love this woman to goodness. He took out his old, worn list. “ Love your neighbor as yourself...”
He couldn’t stop thinking about her, praying for her. Wishing for another moment to embrace her soon. Would she want him? Lord ?
She hadn’t pushed him away. Anticipation tugged at his heart.
His life would take a busy turn over the next few weeks, as Christmas approached. He’d already been invited to three dinners and a formal party. Time for more healing, hoping...and maybe even happiness.
Table of Contents
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- Page 32 (Reading here)
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