Page 48

The blush crept higher, over his stubble, his cheeks.

“He always asked about me and Bekn—he must’ve known my mom, or at least known we lived nearby—and I asked about him.

About his daughter.” Coup’s throat bobbed.

“He told me all about you. Your infatuation with phoenixes. Your obsession with Ryker and Deja. Your favorite foods. Your everything. I felt like I’d already met you.

I wanted to meet you. And then when I finally did on a CAPR track years later, I couldn’t merge the idea I had of you with the girl I saw on the sidelines—this worrying, blazing, stunning girl with a temper.

” Through thick lashes, Coup lifted his gaze to hers. “But I wanted to. Very badly.”

Kel fought for breath. The traitorous, beeping machine beside her revealed her shuddering pulse. Disbelief tightened her throat and left her mind blank.

He merely watched her, half-expectantly, amusement flickering across his face.

She tried to force her tongue around the right words.

Any words. This was their rhythm. He mocked, and she teased.

He offered a truth, and she peeled one back in turn.

He was so much braver than her, always taking the first step, whether it was toward or away from her.

“I think it was easier for me to be angry with you for setting off my nerves,” she breathed, half-hoping he didn’t hear. “In a way that made me question everything. It was easier than admitting why I let you under my skin in the first place.”

Everything inside her screamed to curl up beneath the bed sheets.

She felt like a spool of yarn, unraveling.

A blister rubbed raw, a book torn from its binding.

The monitor beside her bed beeped and beeped and Kel would rather have been anywhere else—back in Vohre Forest, falling in a way that made her less afraid.

She was saved from more spluttering when she felt a warm finger beneath her chin, gently lifting her head. She yielded, raising her eyes to meet the burning, amber ones before her.

Coup reached up and brushed a strand of dark hair behind her ear. His gaze flashed back down to her lips, as if asking permission.

Slowly, so painfully slowly, Coup’s face lowered to hers.

His lips stopped, hovering just a hair’s breadth away.

“Kelyn,” he breathed, and Kel came undone.

Their lips melted together in a gentle vise.

Time slowed to a crawl, the monitor silent, her pulse flattening.

His hand against her cheek shifted, tugging her closer to him, and she spread her fingers against the front of his shirt.

His palm moved to cup the back of her neck.

The gentle touch sent heat rippling down her spine; an aching hunger settled deep inside her.

She wanted him to tear every wall down. To burn away her resolve and remake her entirely.

Her lips parted, allowing his tongue past her teeth.

Their breath mingled and the air around them heated, at odds with his featherlight touch.

Every movement was deliberate, so different to the heated kiss they’d shared in The Prism .

That had been a coiled spring, teeth and craving leaving no room for what might lie beneath.

But now, Kel heard Coup’s words echo through her mind, and it only made her tug him closer.

She wanted more . She needed to test his words.

To see if he truly craved her the way she did him.

To know if the fire he lit within her would destroy her, or bring her to life.

His lips still grazing hers, he murmured, “I can’t believe it took both of us ending up in hospital for that to happen.” His eyes traced her swollen lips with a slow hunger that made Kel’s stomach coil. “It should have happened much sooner.”

“The Howlers are a stubborn crew.” She laughed softly.

Coup pulled back a fraction more, shaking his head.

“This entire week… all I could think of was the sight of you getting shoved into that ambulance.” He rubbed his face.

“And I was so angry. At you. At Savita. At myself—for being so scared, and knowing that I’m usually the source of this kind of grief for my brother and the team. ”

Although she wanted nothing but to claw her hands through his hair and embrace him until neither had any breath left, his words stirred up old unease and echoes from Bekn. She had thought they were just the overwrought concerns of a big brother until Coup had ended up in a hospital bed of his own.

Now, it was all she could see.

Then Coup shook his head, as if clearing his mind. “I’m overreacting. You’re the one in a hospital bed,” he said with a harsh laugh. “This should be about you, not me.”

Kel moved her hand to his neck and urged him to lift his gaze. She refused to let him break this fragile thing between them, this thing they both needed. “This isn’t about me or you. It’s about pain, and what we’re doing to stop it. I’m here, getting treated for mine. What are you doing for yours?”

They weren’t the gentlest words, but theirs wasn’t a bond built from kindness and care. Theirs was forged from barbed confessions and crimson flames.

Coup opened his mouth twice, three times, before words managed to free themselves. “I’m not in pain, though. That’s the problem, Kel. I don’t feel anything . The only time I feel alive is when I’m around Savita—and you.” Coup’s eyes filled with a silver sheen.

Her entire body screamed to lurch from the bed and take him in her arms.

“Have you ever talked to someone about how you feel?” she asked gently.

Her rider shook his head. “I’ve thought about talking to a… professional. But I don’t want to hurt Bekn, or make him feel like he hasn’t done enough. He tries so hard.”

Kel held back a scoff. “You’re only hurting Bekn by hurting yourself. Bekn… knows something is wrong. He’ll understand.”

When Coup stayed silent, Kel reached up to stroke strands of his hair. “How long have you felt like this?”

Just weeks ago, this kind of honesty—with Coup —would have seemed impossible. Now, she made a silent vow not to let either of them retreat. No matter what happened next, to her, to Savita, to Vohre—she wouldn’t lose this. Not when it felt as easy and right as soaring atop her phoenix.

Coup leaned into her touch. “It’s been like this for as long as I can remember, but when Mom died…

” Coup’s voice broke. “I stopped trying. Everything seemed too unsafe to care for. Except phoenixes.” Coup huffed a soft laugh.

“As much as we might want it, nothing can ever be as infinite as a phoenix. Everything else will be gone as soon as we realize we need it.”

The monitor beeped to life again, fluttering with her pulse.

He’d managed to take a feeling she’d felt—for so many years—and mold it into the perfect words.

She’d felt the same way for as long as she could remember.

Her father’s death, her mother’s fleeting visits and postcards with no return address, all of it had allowed her to heave more certainty upon herself, protecting her from the world.

From warm, wanting, gorgeous creatures like Coup.

As much as Kel wanted to relent, to kiss him and tell him that they could be infinite—it would be selfish to take this fragile moment and mold it into what she wanted.

She rubbed her fingers against the back of his hand. “But that’s the point, isn’t it? Life is finite. This is finite. But neither would exist without pain, so you shouldn’t bother trying to avoid any of it.”

The corners of Coup’s lips lifted. Seeing that smile was like sun through rain.

Coup removed her hand from his and kissed her palm. “I think I want to. Talk to someone, I mean. I want to be better. The Howlers deserve better.”

“We deserve you,” Kel whispered.

She hoped he heard the truth beneath the words. What she was still too cowardly to say.

She didn’t know if she deserved Warren Coupers—but she wanted to. She wanted him . Every teasing grin—for the cameras or for her—and every painful truth. She wanted all of him.

She had wanted him for longer than she cared to admit.