Page 73 of Of Blood and Banes (The Arterian #2)

MEANT FOR MEMORIES

B y the time Daeja and I land back near Everden, my eyes are stinging and dry from the wind and tears. My hands are chapped—it was the first time I’d flown without wearing Marge’s gloves.

The sun dips below the treetops, the sky melting into a haze of orange and purple.

“I’m still here,” Daeja whispers, leaning her head against mine after I dismount. Those three precious words are a reminder she’s gifted me since I had to leave her outside the military outpost back in Arterias.

For the first time since Marge’s death, my lips lift into a soft smile. “I know.”

“Now go get something to eat.” She nudges me toward Everden. “Your growling stomach is going to scare half the town if you don’t take care of it soon.”

An echo of a giggle rumbles in my chest, and I rub the end of her nose affectionately. “Thank you.”

Pressing a kiss to the bony ridge, I walk toward Everden and pause mid-step to look back at her over my shoulder. “Hey, Daeja?”

She perks up, her tail swishing back and forth behind her as she tilts her head. “Yes?”

“I love you.”

“And I love you,” she purrs.

When I make it back to my room, Cole is sitting at my desk, and he jolts to his feet when I slide through the door.

“Hey…” He relaxes slightly when he realizes it’s me.

“Hey.” I grin, leaning back against the closed door. “Thank you…for that.”

Cole nods, not wanting to take his eyes off me, but forcing his attention back to the desk. “Sethan’s been…adamant, that whenever you’re awake, you read this.” He grabs a letter and holds it out for me.

I raise an eyebrow and clear the space between us, taking it from him and flipping it over. The letter is still sealed, the fresh wax stamped with the A symbol for the Dragon Lands. “What do you mean when I’m awake…?”

“I may not have told him you were gone with Daeja all day. Just said you were sleeping.” He shrugs. “Not that it’s his business anyway. You’re a grown woman who doesn’t need to bow to anyone’s demands.”

My heart skips a beat. The Cole I knew years prior would never have risked his integrity.

But then again, the Cole before me is so different from the boy and man I had grown to know and fall in love with.

This man before me is sharpened into somebody else entirely, even beyond the chiseled muscles, rough beard, and long auburn hair sweeping past his jawline.

“If he had found out you were lying…” I whisper.

“Then what?”

“Then…”

“Exactly. I’m not afraid of Sethan.” He crosses his arms over his chest, regarding me with a confident head tilt and grin.

“You should be. A’nala would torch you on the spot.”

“I could outrun her.”

I chuckle. “You’re not fast enough to outrun a dragon.”

“Says who?”

I snort. “Says the person who outran you one time.”

A rumbling laugh bumps his words, shaking his arms and chest. “You mean like the time you split your pants?”

My mouth drops open, and I playfully smack him with the letter, the warmth of embarrassment and fondness washing over me at the memory. “I did not!”

We both erupt into laughter, watching each other through squinted eyes.

He has to contain his chuckling just to say, “I don’t think I had ever seen you run so fast. Not even the time when you almost got sprayed by that skunk.”

As I quiet down, a smile still warms my cheeks, a new light cracking through the grief in my chest. “I definitely thought you hadn’t noticed my pants.”

“Oh, I definitely noticed,” he laughs with a nod.

We stand a few feet away from each other smiling, until our faces relax as the memory becomes just that—a memory. And a reminder of a simpler, more joyful time.

He clears his throat, and I break our eye contact to look to the right.

“Well…I’ll let you get settled in for the night. Unless you need anything else?” he asks.

I almost ask him to stay with me tonight. To hold me. But knowing it’s not fair, I shake my head, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. “No, I should be all set.”

He dips his head then takes a few steps for the door, and I slide toward him, stopping his advance. I wrap my arms around him, kissing his cheek before closing my eyes as I lean my head into his chest and whisper, “Thank you.”

He flinches before he wraps his arms around me, holding me in a tight embrace and resting his chin on the top of my head. “Always.”

When we break out of our hug, his cheeks and eyes are warm. He squeezes my hand lovingly. And walks out my door.

I’ve read the letter Cole gave me from Sethan multiple times over. But it’s pointless. Ten read throughs later, and I know nothing more than I did on the first. The strange language stares back at me, taunting me for not being able to decipher it.

Gavin knocks on the door later that night with Darian in tow, coming to collect Darian’s rucksack after being commanded by Sethan to take Darian to his office.

While I’ve been able to build my trust with Sethan, I hesitate over him being alone with Darian.

And given Sethan’s growing desperation to save this realm, I wouldn’t put it past him to try the same tactic again to glean information.

“Bring him in here. He’s staying with me,” I whisper to Gavin and open the door farther.

Gavin eyes me hesitantly but hands me Darian’s shackles all the same. After I pull Darian inside and close the door, he’s already eyeing the bottles on the desk. I managed to break two of the seven bottles yesterday. Bless Cole for cleaning it up sometime after I’d fallen asleep.

Darian tips his chin toward the liquor. “I see you’ve finally decided to hold up your end of the bargain?”

“Knock yourself out,” I mutter before turning my back to him.

He clears his throat, and I turn slowly, finding him lifting his shackles and shaking the chain. Sighing, I remove the key from my brassiere and unlock his shackles without looking him in the eye.

“Did she still have that fire in her eyes?” he asks softly.

I jolt my attention up to him, meeting his gaze. “What?”

“Marge…” He clears his throat, before swallowing. “Did she suffer? Was it quick?”

My heart flinches inside my chest. Marge said she had known Darian since he was a boy, just as Sethan had.

But her soft spot for him was apparent through her half-hearted scolding toward him and her discreet defense of him when he wasn’t in the room.

I figured he would have heard by now what exactly happened and how she died.

I shake my head and return my attention to removing his second manacle. “She wasn’t even scared. She saved us—me—without hesitation.”

The second shackle clicks as I release it, and I take the restraints and gently toss them to the floor. “We were running from the Stone Gods. I tried dragging her with me across the bridge. But we weren’t fast enough. So, she sliced through the bridge and?—”

Emotion chokes my throat as roughly as any hand, and I stare down at the shackles on the floor as I slide the key back into my brassiere.

His chains are reminiscent of those back near the bridge.

The same ones Marge used to save me. I bite my lip to quell my trembling chin, and a hand brushes the side of my arm.

When I look up at Darian, tears blur the edges of my vision. His expression is deadly serious, and he nods, slowly. The silence between us is filled with a heavy understanding.

She died for me.

But I can’t stare into his eyes for too long, so I look away and swipe a stray tear off my cheek. He drops his hand from my arm.

“Why did you tell Gavin to leave me here with you?” he whispers, diverting the conversation.

“What kind of question is that?”

“Why? Is it hard for you to answer it?”

That gains him a teary-eyed glare. But with each slow pounding of my heart, bits of my composure crumble like a wall. “Because Marge would have wanted me to.”

“That’s not it. I’m going to ask you again. Why did you want me to stay?”

I fight against the next swell. But even as I clench my teeth, I can’t brace against it.

Instead, it slams against my chest and spills out the cracks of my heart.

“Because I don’t want to be alone, okay?

Is that what you want to hear?” I manage to get out through a tight throat, but each word slips into a deeper sadness.

And as another tear rips free from my eyes, hot and wet against my skin, it splits open the dam I’ve built up over the last several hours.

I take a half-step back from him and begin to cry.

He grabs me by my arms and walks me back to the bed until I sit on the edge.

Resting my elbows on my knees, I hide my face in my hands.

And I can’t stop now. I’m a sniffling, babbling mess.

“I’m so fucking sick of having to say goodbye to people I love.

My family. My friends. I feel like…nothing ever works out for me.

As soon as I’m close enough to someone, they die.

So, I don’t want to be alone. Not tonight.

Because sitting with myself, thinking of all the people who have died because I couldn’t save them—because it was my fault—will destroy me. ”

I slip my hands from my face and find Darian on one knee in front of me, his hand resting on the side of my thigh.

He shakes his head and whispers, “I’m not the one for this.”

“I know you’re not. But can you just pretend?

Even if it’s only for one night?” My voice cracks into desperation.

Borderline mania. “Please. Please, Darian. Don’t leave me alone.

Even if you have to be a dick. Even if you have to piss me off to make me feel something other than this emptiness.

This loneliness. Please just spare me from being alone with myself. ”

He sucks in a breath and holds my gaze for a long moment. Then he gets up and walks away, and I sink back onto my hands. But it’s not long until I feel a tap on my shoulder. I look up to see Darian biting the cork off a bottle of liquor, spitting it out to the side, then he offers it to me.

“Forever was never meant for people,” he whispers. “It was meant for memories.”