Page 42 of Now That It’s You (The Can’t Have Hearts Club #5)

Kendall stayed seated on the coffee table, a look of worry crossing her features. “Okay,” she said. “Do you want me to stay?”

Meg hesitated, not sure anymore what she wanted. “That’s okay,” she said. “Thanks, though.”

“No problem. Some conversations are meant to be private.”

“Tell me about it.”

Kendall snorted and stood up, crossing to the front door where Meg stood with her hand on the knob. “A word of advice?”

“Don’t sleep with him? Not a problem. I’d sooner remove my own spleen with a spoon.”

Kendall smiled and shook her head. “Hear him out. You owe it to yourself to get closure. You never had that with Matt, and it ate at you for two years.”

“Yeah,” Meg muttered, glancing at the door where Kyle stood waiting, not knocking, not ringing the bell, just standing there waiting for her. “Point taken.”

“Goodnight, sweetie,” Kendall said, wrapping her arms around Meg’s shoulders and squeezing her with enough force to let Meg know she was loved beyond measure. “You got this.”

“Thanks, Kendall.”

“Call me later?”

Meg nodded and opened the door. Even though she knew he’d be standing there, her stomach still did a flip when she saw Kyle on her front step, the porch light making a halo around his head. He nodded at her, then at Kendall. “Meg,” he said, his voice low and soft. “Kendall.”

“I was just leaving,” Kendall said, moving around him with a glare that made it apparent she’d do grave harm to him if he did further damage. “I’m only a phone call away, though, Meg.”

Meg nodded, watching her friend walk down the path to her car. She couldn’t bring herself to make eye contact with Kyle. Not yet.

When she finally did, the remorse in his eyes was enough to make her legs shaky again. She cleared her throat and willed herself not to blink. “Why are you here?”

“There’s something else I need to say.”

His eyes glittered under the porch light, and Meg stared at him, wondering if she’d ever really known him at all. She gripped the door tighter, willing herself to keep breathing. “I think you’ve said enough for one day, don’t you?”

“No. I don’t. And I think you need to hear me out.”

Rage flared in her, and Meg leveled him with a glare. “I don’t think I need to do anything you say, Kyle. You betrayed me. You took something I told you in confidence and you threw it in my face and?—”

“Confession number one,” he said, his voice loud enough to send Floyd skittering off the paisley chair behind her.

Meg shook her head and folded her arms over her chest. “I’m not playing your stupid game anymore! This is my life we’re talking about here. Besides that, I didn’t touch my damn ear.”

“Confession one,” he repeated like he hadn’t even heard her. “I was there when Matt cheated on you.”

That got her attention. Meg closed her mouth as her tongue went dry and her throat closed up. “What?”

“Not in the room,” he said. “It wasn’t like some sort of voyeuristic orgy. But I was with him when he made up his mind to do it. When he decided he wanted to cheat.”

“Decided,” she said dumbly, rolling the word like a pebble on her tongue.

“It was a conscious decision, not a heat-of-the-moment kind of thing. That might be different from what he told you, or maybe from what he told himself.”

Meg swallowed hard, not sure whether that made it better or worse. Did she want to hear the rest of this?

Closure, her subconscious whispered as Kyle studied her face.

“Do you want me to continue?”

She nodded, even though she hadn’t made up her mind yet.

Then she stepped aside, granting him entrance to her home.

She thought they might just stand there in the foyer, but he moved right through it.

He paused at the entrance to the living room, and his eyes were dark when he turned back to her. “Is it okay if we talk in here?”

“That’s fine.”

He nodded, then moved around her sofa, pausing again. He took a few steps to the left, then folded himself into the stiff, paisley-print armchair Floyd had just vacated.

Clasping his hands in his lap, Kyle waited for Meg to sit. She dropped slowly onto the edge of the sofa, not so much a decision to be seated as a certainty her legs wouldn’t hold her up much longer. She took a few deep breaths, steeling herself to hear what he had to say.

“We went golfing,” he said. “It was maybe two weeks before the wedding, sort of a brotherly getaway. He probably told you that part?”

She nodded, not sure what golf had to do with Matt having an affair, but knowing the details seemed important to Kyle.

She remembered Chloe’s words the other day.

Something about dragging all the skeletons out of the closet and sorting through the bones to see what scary things lurked there. Is that what Kyle was doing?

Meg ordered herself to listen, to let the words sift through her ears and into her consciousness so she could absorb and process them, whatever they may be.

“The golfing was Matt’s idea, of course,” he continued. “I always hated it, but I thought we should spend some time together. Anyway, it was an awkward day of having him goad me about my swing and my score and—well, it doesn’t matter.”

“It must matter,” she said, tucking a curl behind her ear. “Either to him at that moment or to you right now. That’s why you’re telling me this, right?”

“Right.”

She watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed and looked up at the top of the doorframe. “It was always a competition with Matt. He wanted to have the better golf game, the better career, the nicer car, the higher number of notches on his bedpost.”

Meg felt herself flinch, not sure what any of this had to do with her. But she waited, and Kyle continued the story.

“After we got done golfing, we went to this bar. Matt’s phone kept buzzing, like he was getting text messages. At first, I thought it might be you.”

“It wasn’t,” she said softly. “I went out of my way to leave him alone that weekend. To give you some guy time.”

“I know. I asked him who it was, and he wouldn’t tell me at first.”

“Annabelle.” Hearing the name again—even in her own voice—sent a dull, icy spear through her heart.

Kyle almost looked relieved that she’d been the one to say it first. “Yes. Annabelle. I thought at first he was just trying to schedule an appointment. He gave me some bullshit about acupuncture helping his golf swing.”

Meg rolled her eyes. “Yeah. I’m sure it loosened him right up.”

“Yeah.” His throat rolled as he swallowed. “I don’t know when things turned flirtatious, but after we’d been sitting there maybe thirty minutes or so, I could see from the look on his face that something had shifted.”

“He was drinking.”

“Yes. A couple beers, but he wasn’t wasted. He was still in control of his actions.”

She nodded, letting the words wash over her. So far, none of this information was new. The details were a little different than the polished version Matt had delivered two years ago, but there was nothing earth-shattering in Kyle’s version. Nothing to tell Meg she’d had it wrong all this time.

Still, hearing the story from Kyle’s point of view was like poking Q-tips into wounds that hadn’t quite healed.

“Do you remember I texted you that evening?” he asked.

Meg frowned, trying to recall the details. “No. I’m sorry, I don’t. What did you say?”

“I sent some silly photo of us drinking beer on the golf course. Nothing memorable, but I asked how you spent your day.”

She nodded, a twinge of memory flickering in her brain. “I think I remember that. I texted back that my mom caught my dad cheating again.”

“That’s right,” Kyle said. “Nothing new, right? But you sounded upset.”

“I was.” Meg clenched her fists in her lap. “That time was bad. Mom caught him in the act, heard him saying all kinds of sexy things to the other woman that he’d never said to her.” She stopped herself, aware that she was rattling off details that probably didn’t matter at the moment.

“Right.” Kyle took a shaky breath. “It got me thinking.”

There was a dark note in his voice that made Meg slide her hands between her knees and press them tight together. “About what?”

“You sounded bitter. And resigned. And so very, very angry at your dad.”

“I was.” I still am.

“And I thought about your childhood and your history with your dad’s infidelity and I thought—” He stopped, taking a shaky breath. “I thought about what you’d do if Matt cheated on you.”

Meg stared at him, trying to process the words. “And what conclusion did you reach?”

“I knew you’d leave him.”

She nodded, not sure where he was going with this, but not liking the dull twinge in the pit of her stomach. Kyle took another breath, and she wondered if she should offer him something to drink. A glass of water or a beer?

But he spoke again, so she stayed rooted in place.

“I started goading him,” Kyle said. “First it was small stuff. Still bullshitting about golf swings and who had the better score. Then I told him about my date the night before. About this hot girl with killer legs and these big, beautiful t—” He cleared his throat.

“Anyway, I told him about her, and about another girl the week before who gave me a hand job under the table at dinner and the one I met on some hookup app?—”

“I’m not sure I need to hear this.” Her heard began pounding and she had a sour feeling in the pit of her stomach.

“You do need to hear it.”

“You mean you need to say it,” she snapped.

He nodded once, his jaw clenched in determination.

“All those women,” Meg muttered. “Weren’t you dating Cara then?” She was struggling to remember, struggling with the ugly mental pictures he was painting, and trying to make the whole thing fit within the timeline of her own life.

“No. This was during that month we split up because Cara wanted to reevaluate our relationship.”

“And apparently you wanted to fuck everything that moved.” She hated the seething judgment in her own voice, but Kyle just shook his head.

“That’s just it. It wasn’t true. None of it.”

Meg blinked. “What?”

“There was no girl with the killer legs. No girl who gave me a hand job under the table. No hookup app.”

Blood began pounding in her brain. “I don’t understand.”

“I was provoking Matt.”

Meg stared at him, not sure she understood. She knew she should be asking questions, trying to make the puzzle pieces fit together, but they just tumbled around in the box, rattling against each other with a dull clack.

Kyle took a deep breath. “I told him how great it was to be single. To sample the fruit of a dozen different trees. I teased him about only having one woman for the rest of his life.”

“Me.” The word came out like a croak, her voice dry and crackly, but Meg stayed rooted in place, not willing to run for a glass of water.

“That’s right.” Kyle rubbed his hands over his eyes, closing them for a moment before opening them again to continue the story.

“Anyway, things kind of took off from there. I could see he kept texting Annabelle. He got up at one point to use the restroom and he left his phone on the bar. I glanced at some of the texts.”

“What did they say?”

“I don’t remember the exact words, but he was making plans to meet her that night. It was clear my jabs had the intended effect.”

Meg gripped the edge of the sofa, determined not to let her eyes fill with tears. Determined to get some answers. “Your intended effect,” she repeated, not sure she was following. “You wanted Matt to cheat on me?”

He nodded, avoiding her eyes. “Yes.”

“To hurt me?”

“Absolutely not.” His voice was sharp, which might have been sincerity or guilt. She couldn’t tell anymore.

“But why?—”

“I wanted him to cheat and I wanted him to tell you about it.” Kyle’s chest rose as he drew a deep breath.

“I didn’t mean for him to wait until the night before the wedding.

That was a mistake. Hell, the whole goddamn thing was a mistake, but that part especially—” He shook his head.

“Anyway, after it happened, I pushed him to tell you. I told him he needed to start the marriage with a clean slate. I told him you deserved to know, that you’d appreciate his honesty and that you could start your life together with no secrets between you. ”

Meg shook her head, trying to understand. “Did you really believe that?”

“No.”

“So why?—”

“Because I wanted him to falter in your eyes. I wanted him to do the one thing I knew you’d never be able to forgive.” His hands balled into fists on his lap, and his eyes held more self-hatred than she’d ever seen from anyone.

Meg swallowed, choking back the urge to feel empathy. “Because you hated him that much?”

“No,” he said softly. “Because I loved you that much. And because I didn’t want him to have you.”

The words felt like a kick to the gut. She stared at him, trying to make sense of it all. “So you manipulated your own brother?—”

“Yes.”

“And me.”

Kyle closed his eyes, forehead furrowed with pain. “Yes.”

Her brain replayed the conversation, hanging up on the part about love, but knowing the manipulation was the part she needed to focus on. “You changed the course of my whole life,” she said. “Of Matt’s life.”

“I’m sorry, Meg.” He opened his eyes and the pain there stole Meg’s breath. “It was a selfish thing to do. If I could take it back, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

She stared at him, trying to imagine what that would look like. She’d be married to Matt now, maybe with a child. They’d be enjoying the riches of her cookbook success together.

No you wouldn’t , her subconscious pointed out. Matt would still be dead. And you would have spent two years trapped in a marriage that didn’t make you happy.

“But I wouldn’t have known I wasn’t happy.”

“What?”

Meg hadn’t meant to say the words aloud, but her head spun like a top. She didn’t know what to think. She didn’t know what to feel. Something hollow and empty and aching had grabbed hold of her gut and wouldn’t let go.

She started to stand up, but realized her legs wouldn’t obey the command. She pressed her feet into the floor, struggling to feel the ground beneath them. “I think you should leave, Kyle.”

He looked at her for a few beats. “If that’s what you want.”

“It is.”

He nodded. “I’ll show myself out.”

She watched him stand up, wiping his hands on his jeans before turning to walk around the chair. His movements were slow, and he looked back at her like he wanted to say something else. But Meg just watched him, unmoving, unwilling to say anything else.

When he got to the door, he turned back and looked at her. “I never stopped loving you, Meg.”

She swallowed hard, ordering herself not to cry. “Lying? Manipulation? Deceit?” She shook her head. “That’s not what love looks like.”

“I know that now.”

So do I , Meg thought, wondering why she had to keep learning that lesson the hard way.

Kyle nodded, the haunted look in his eyes radiating from this far away. “Goodbye, Meg.”

“Goodbye.”

She managed to hold back the tears until the door clicked shut behind him.