Page 23 of Nothing Even Matters

One by one, Eli opened his boxes. He could tell Faith went through his closet at his apartment because all of the boxes contained new clothing he needed. “This is so incredible, Faye. Thank you so much, baby girl.”

“You’re welcome,” she smiled.

“Well, I got you a little something, too.” Eli pulled out a small box and handed it to his ex. “Merry Christmas.”

Faith stared down at the small box in her hand. It was about the size of a DVD container and seemed very light. “Wait a minute!” Faith yelled. “I spent all of this damn money on your gifts. You see all of these boxes around here! These are yours!” She pointed. “And you’re going to give me this little rinky-dink box and that’s it?”

Eli sighed. “Will you open the box?”

“Hell, no, I’m not going to open the box!” Faith threw it on the sofa and Eli cut his eyes at her. “No, don’t look at me like that! Don’t you dare look at me like that!”

“How am I looking at you, Faye?” Eli calmly asked.

“Oh no, you’re not doing that shit, either!” She checked his look and he smiled. “You know what you did! You gave me one rinky-dink gift and think that’ll be sufficient despite all this shit I just bought for you! You needed new jeans and you know how much they cost?”

Eli sighed and looked up to the heavens. He was waiting for God to intervene. “No, but you’re about to tell me, aren’t you?”

“They cost two hundred dollars each, Eli!” Faith blinked. “And you have several!”

“I did need new jeans,” he replied.

“You will not patronize me, Eli!” She clapped her hands with each syllable.

“Then I’ll take my rinky-dink gift right the fuck back,” he replied, “you don’t like it, no skin off my back.”

“No! I’m going to keep it!” Faith picked up the gift again and began to open it. “I wonder what kind of bullshit gift you gave me. And you know what else I gave you?”

“New Polo shirts?” He asked.

“Exactly!” Faith yelled. “Fucking brand new seventy dollar Polos! But noooooooo, I only got one rinky-dink…” She opened the box and pulled up a set of Mercedes car keys. “…what’s this?”

“Your new whip parked outside.” Eli replied. “There’s more in that rinky-dink box.”

Faith searched underneath the paper and found lingerie along with airline tickets. “St. Lucia?” Her voice became small like a child’s.

“Yes, St. Lucia.” Eli grinned. “You always wanted to go and figured we can do it now while the shop is a little quiet for a few days. I hired a nanny from Kieran’s child care and she’ll be coming over in a few hours to watch the kids while we have some alone adult time.”

Faith blinked her eyes and smiled. “I love you, Zaddy.”

“I love you, too.” Eli kissed her and slapped her ass. “Now let’s go eat because we have a plane to catch.”