CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

AMELIA

Us? My eyes dart to Jake, his expression a mirror of pure shock. His face. God, his face. It’s everything, and suddenly air refuses to fill my lungs.

My shoulders slump. I have no idea what to say, what to do. All I know is that things are falling apart, and I can’t seem to keep my head on straight. Am I seriously considering going back to England?

Otherwise, what? Stay? Here? With Jake? And brace myself for a never-ending loop of chaos?

Every move he makes will impact me. Every move I make will be magnified. My life will be under perpetual scrutiny, each word and action picked to pieces.

The very idea chills me to the core. It’ll be like living in a fishbowl. How can I cope with being so exposed when all I’ve ever known is the background?

And even if I did stay—what would I do? The tours are a bust. Even if I found other work, I’d be staying just for Jake. And when I’m not able to handle everything? When our relationship disintegrates? What then? I’ll be stranded with no plan B, having gambled it all away on a man. Again.

Deciding to return home isn’t a retreat; it’s self-preservation. It’s not whether the tours fail or succeed, it’s about stepping in where I’m needed, looking after the family business. That’s what adults do, right? And saving the inn from Ben’s grubby grasping fingers—well, that’s an added bonus.

I look at Jake again.

My gut wrenches at the thought of leaving him behind. How can I go if it means being without him? Maybe we could try long-distance? Just until I sort things out. But returning to England requires making a commitment over there, too. I can’t ask him to wait indefinitely when no end is in sight. That wouldn’t be fair. To him. To me.

Ending things with Jake now is the kindest course of action to avoid further complications. To prevent myself from being swallowed whole by a sea of what-ifs and potential regrets, standing too close to the fire when everything eventually burns down.

“Jake…this is how it will be. Every win you have. Every loss. They’ll come looking for me. My job’s out in the open. I’ll always be in their sights. “

His jaw tightens. “I can make sure that doesn’t happen. We’ll get you security. Something.”

“I don’t see how that changes things. You’re still going to be playing football. The press will continue to be an issue.”

Jake stares at me, getting visibly more upset. “So basically, you’re saying I’m too much work.”

My eyes snap to meet his. “I did not say that.”

“You kind of did. Should we break up then? So you can go back to your mediocre life to run your tours in peace?”

How dare he call my life mediocre? “Without the investment from Gotham Guides, even that’s no longer a possibility.”

He drives his fingers through his hair, stricken at my bitter tone. “I didn’t mean that. I don’t want to lose you. I’ll invest in RhythmRoutes.”

And there it is, Jake being Jake, ready to swoop in like some sort of knight in NFL armor, rescuing me for now, but I’ll forfeit everything anyway when we break up. I’m tired of needing saving.

“I’m not taking money from a man I’ve known for two months as if I were some charity case girlfriend.”

His expression tightens at my words, but then he takes a deep breath and rubs his face. “It wouldn’t be that way. We’ll figure it out. No need to give up on your dreams. Trust me.”

“How can I? I’m the one watching my dream fall apart day after day,” I explode in a burst of fury, my voice cracking under the weight of it all. “I already tied my future to a man once before. That’s how I ended up here…a failure.” The words tumble out, raw and unchecked. “I can’t— won’t —let that happen again. I’ll become an obligation to you, like I’ve been to everyone else. Another person for you to look after. Until you realize it’s too much. Until you realize I’m not worth the hassle and you walk away. You’ll be free, and I’ll be left with nothing. At least this way, if I go, I get some semblance of what my life was supposed to be.”

Jake’s features contort with pain and frustration as he grapples with my words. “Amelia, how can you even say that? You think so little of me…of us?”

The air crackles with tension. I don’t answer him.

“Are you really giving up on us? Just like that?” His lips twist in bitterness.

I flinch. He doesn’t understand. I tried to make it here. I’ve failed. He’s always had a place, always belonged—with his family, his career, his team.

Jake continues, “Or does none of this,” he gestures between us, “matter?”

I open my mouth to respond, but stop short, looking at him helplessly. It’s not that I don’t want to trust him. But I can’t. Trust has never come easy. The last thing I want is to be thrust upon him the way that Mum left me with Gran, giving her no choice but to take me in.

At my hesitation, realization comes to his eyes. “You never trusted me to begin with.” It’s a death knell. “You didn’t trust that I’d take care of you.”

Jake looks at me in disgust when I can’t answer. “Then what are we even doing here?”

“I don’t know.” I say, quiet.

“Give me a call when you figure it out.” With that, he storms out.

He leaves, and I stare. It’s as if he’s sucked all the oxygen out of the room. My insides twist, as if I’m being strangled from the inside out. Tears sting my eyes, blurring the half-packed suitcases strewn around me. New York—the place of a million dreams. But everyone has to wake up at some point.