Page 115 of Not Her Day to Die

“Why not your bed?” I ask.

“We agreed, you would always sleep in your room, barring when you were injured. We wanted you to always have your own space. And you can kick us out if you want, but we felt it was the most fair,” Grayson explains, taking my hand and kissing my knuckles.

Opening the door to my room, Darius is already in the bed, but Axel is sitting on the ground with his legs crossed. They’re watching a movie.

The sight is comical, and a laugh bubbles up from me.

The brothers both flash their attention to me, their faces lighting up.

“Come here,” Darius says.

Standing on tiptoes, I offer Grayson a kiss on the lips before making my way to Darius’s side. He opens the blanket for me, and I crawl into his waiting arms.

“Isn’t this weird?” I ask. Because again now that the dust is settling, I can’t help but to feel that way.

Axel chuckles but doesn’t get up from the floor. “Only you would think dating multiple men is weird after dying ninety-nine times. No, this is likely the most normal part of our lives, so stop worrying about it.”

“But what about rules? Boundaries? What if you all end up hating me, or worse, each other?”

Darius squeezes me tighter to him. “Sunday, we hated each other before you fell into our lives. Since meeting you, we have spent more time together than we ever had before. And we have our own boundaries, we are all capable of expressing them to each other when and if the need arises. Just as you should to us.”

“But you’re all brothers andTripp.” His name feels forbidden. As if speaking him into existence is going to cause our relationships to implode.

Grayson marches to the bed, bends at the hips, and stares directly into my eyes. “Tripp will always be our brother. He will always be your first love. And maybe in a lot of ways, this isn’t right, but Sunday, I’m tired of running from our fate. I’m tired of suppressing our feelings. I’m tired of denying that you are ours. Tripp would more than understand, and we will always strive to do right by him. Let me ask you this, do you love us? Will you allow us to prove to you the same?”

My eyes are glistening by the end of Grayson’s uncharacteristic speech. Darius tightens his hold on me, pulling me further into him.

“Yes, I love you. All of you.”

“And we do, too.” Satisfied, Grayson makes his way to the other side of the bed. Sitting on it, he leans back and focuses on the movie.

He relaxes.

We all do.

Breathing in and out steadily, my grief and guilt wash in waves across my skin until they soak down deep into my bones, and I just accept that they are there to stay.

That my grief. My survivor’s guilt. My guilt over the loops. My guilt over moving on. My guilt over the countless victims that came to be.

They are parts of myself that will not just disappear.

I don’t want them to. They are reminders of who we lost, of our loved ones, of what was nearly stolen from us, of how easily evil can bleed into a town.

Darius snuggles further into me, Grayson reaches out, his fingers tracing my thigh, and Axel’s hand finds my ankle, stroking my skin there.

Even through my guilt and grief I find solace in these brothers. In our fate that forced us together, in our stubbornness that kept us that way, in our love that anchored us in our sanity.

This is the first day of the rest of our lives together.

Epilogue: June 14th

The sun beats down on my bare shoulders, the humidity pressing me firmly into the plastic chair I am perched on.

An umbrella pops open above me.

“Axel.” I elbow him. “I’m fine. Put it away. It’s rude.”

Axel doesn’t move, but Grayson reaches out from behind us, plucking the umbrella from Axel. I expect him to listen to my request, but he doesn’t.