Page 16 of None Such as She (The Moroccan Empire #2)

“Zaynab, this vision that came to you.”

I nod, eager.

“You must take it back. You must say it never happened, that you were mistaken.”

I stare at him in amazement. “Indeed, my lord Yusuf,” I say, my voice clear and strong.

“It did indeed happen, I swear it by Allah. I saw true then and I speak true now.” I know that I am lying to him, but he must believe me, he of all people must believe me.

He must believe that by tying his destiny to me and me alone he will fulfil his true greatness.

His men must believe it also. I tell myself that I am sure that Allah will forgive me, for He knows I am trying to be a good wife to Yusuf, which must count for something.

Yusuf looks at me for a long moment, and I see to my astonishment that he also has tears in his eyes. He speaks again, and his voice seems thick, as though the words hurt his throat as they emerge. “My lord, the amir of Aghmat, has heard of your vision.”

Now I see what has happened. I misunderstood the amir’s interest. He feels threatened.

He may have challenged Yusuf to combat, or be demanding displays of loyalty, out of fear of Yusuf’s possible future greatness.

Yusuf is more than capable of fighting a battle.

But he must believe in himself. He must believe in me, in my vision.

I lift my head proudly. “My vision was true. My husband will be the greatest leader in the Maghreb and even further, to lands as yet unclaimed by our kings. This is the destiny of the man who calls himself my lord.”

Yusuf nods and lowers his head. When he raises it again his eyes have cleared.

His muscles are tight. He has come to a decision.

I am proud of him. This is the beginning of our future together.

“The amir of Aghmat also believes you have seen truly, Zaynab. He does not doubt your word. He believes that if he takes you as his queen then he will be the greatest leader in the Maghreb and beyond. And so he has commanded me to set you aside that he may take you as his wife. I cannot challenge his command. I am his vassal. You will no longer be my wife. And when the right time has passed you will go to Aghmat, as queen of that city. Until then you will live in my home but as my ruler. All care will be taken of you whilst you are in my protection, as befits your future status. I have promised that I will deliver you to the amir myself when the time comes.”

He rises as I fall, standing above me as my costly silks cover the ground at his feet and my body shakes.

My hands touch the cold floor and my eyes roll up to his face.

He stands still and looks down into my eyes for a long, long moment.

No-one in the room moves until Yusuf leaves the room.

Then they all leave in haste, for my screams are unbearable, even to hardened warriors.

***

That night I seek out Yusuf in his own rooms, with servants busy at their tasks and a few of his men. When he sees me he stands and bows, as if I am already queen.

“Please dismiss your men and the servants,” I say, my voice shaking. My eyes are bloodshot with crying.

“It would not be proper for me to be alone with you now,” he says.

“Please,” I say, more tears dripping fast down my face and onto the floor.

“I cannot,” he says, his own voice grown thick. I can tell the servants are all ears and that his men are curious, even though they look elsewhere. But I have to speak. I stand very close to him.

“I lied,” I whisper.

Yusuf stands. “You may leave us,” he says.

The men and his servants hesitate, but the look on his face makes them obey without a further command. When we are alone I summon up all my courage.

“I lied,” I say.

“Why?”

“I wanted to be important,” I say. “I wanted to be more important than…” I do not say her name. I do not need to.

He closes his eyes for a minute, as though in pain. “I know,” he says at last.

I gape at him. “What?”

“I tried to make you tell the truth,” he says. “But you swore in front of everyone that it was true. Now it is too late. The Amir believed you. He is a man of great ambition, a man who believes that through you he will gain great power.”

“Tell him I lied!” I say, clutching at his arm. “I do not care if they laugh at me!”

“It is too late now, Zaynab,” he says. “He would not laugh at you. He would not believe you. He would think you were lying to stay with me. And if he did believe you then he would have us both put to death for seeking to deceive him, for making a fool of him.”

“I would rather die than leave you,” I sob.

He cups my face as he did that first time, his eyes full of tears.

“Ah, Zaynab,” he says tenderly. “I should never have brought you here. I have done nothing but make you unhappy. It was not my intention. I hoped your love would bring light into my life but instead I have brought darkness into yours.”

***

And so there is nothing to be done. Yusuf stays away from me.

My time goes by. There must be a period of time between one husband and the next of course, this is how it is done.

It would be unseemly for the amir to take me to him at once as though I were some slave girl claimed as the spoils of battle.

All must be done correctly if I am to be his respected queen, if my vision is to come true.

I pass the days sat on my bed, my eyes unfocused.

I eat what is put in front of me, I drink when water is offered.

I taste nothing. I hear nothing. I see nothing.

When darkness comes I lie down and when it is light I sit up.

I do not know if I sleep, perhaps I do. I cannot tell if I am awake or asleep.

Either way I do not dream. There is only darkness inside me.

I know that sometimes Yusuf comes to the door of my room, that my servants hover behind him and whisper assurances that they tend to my needs, that I am washed and dressed each day, that I am fed and watered, that my bed is soft and warm.

He nods, but he does not speak. I try not to look at him when he comes.

There is nothing to say. Nothing can stop what is already decided.

If the amir of Aghmat wants me as his queen, then it will be so.

I have given my consent, as I am required to do, though it is given just as Yusuf’s consent was given: our ruler has spoken and we cannot disobey.

Already many of my possessions have been taken ahead of me to the palace.

My rooms here grow bare as rooms there grow more elegant day by day.

Already, I know, courtiers are preparing themselves for a new queen, shifting this way and that to curry favour, to take positions in my household of benefit to themselves and their families.

Already the poets and singers are making ready to sing my praises – even if I were ugly or old, stupid or crippled, their songs and poems would wipe away my faults.

How easy for them, then, when I am known to be a beauty and oh so young, without physical blemish.

As for stupidity? They will have to wipe away that at least, for who can be so stupid as I?

What woman, married to a kind husband whom she loves, with a silent and all-but-invisible co-wife, would be so stupid as I have been?

***

The day comes for my departure. I stand in my room as servants take the last of my belongings to the escort that waits below.

One servant hurries by and I stop her. I reach into the basket she carries, items to be taken back to Khalila for household use and draw out the two lengths of golden silk.

Slowly I turn them over in my hands and then I leave the room, my pace almost a shuffle.

I walk up the long steep flights of stairs and when I reach Badra’s room I do not waver in the doorway. I look at her and see myself, sunk in a dark misery. I walk towards her and without pause I lay one length of golden silk on her lap. Then I turn and leave her to her silence and stillness.

Downstairs, at the great gates where I first saw Yusuf’s sons, I am lifted into a carved saddle.

The boys stare at me, clustered around Khalila.

She tries to catch my eye but I stare at her as though I do not recognise her.

Ahead, Yusuf gives a command and my mount turns, as do those of my escort.

We begin our journey to Aghmat, Yusuf delivering me himself to my new husband, my new lord.

I sit slumped, shoulders hunched over, my hands twisting the second length of golden silk.

***

I am only just seventeen and my destiny has changed. I am to leave the man I love to become queen to Luqut al-Maghrawi, the amir who rules over the great city of Aghmat. Its riches will be spread at my feet, the people will call my name and my every wish will be obeyed.

I think my heart will break.