Page 21

21

brIAR

Miranda is in our backseat as I drive through the city toward the bistro where we’re meeting her boyfriend. We’ve just left the doctor’s office for the six-month checkup of our perfect little baby.

I glance at Noaz in the passenger seat beside me. They offered their seat to Miranda, but she insisted on climbing into the back. This is an enormous SUV, so she likely has more room in the back than Noaz does in the front.

Noaz is staring at the ultrasound picture, running their fingers over the text that reads ‘boy.’ I set my hand on their leg and give them a gentle squeeze. Noaz looks up, offering me a smile. We’ve tentatively decided we’re not announcing a sex until birth. We’ve shared that information with our families and friends too.

Honey Bee wasn’t sure what to do with that at first, but it only took her an hour to regain her excitement. ‘ You can do a lot with white ,’ she told me. I have no idea what that means and I don’t plan to ask her. Sometimes, the less you know, the better.

However, even with this decision made, Noaz is still struggling with whether that’s the right decision. I have them partially convinced it’s the right decision for us and that’s what matters. But I think every time they hear the question ‘boy or girl?’ they get a little more upset and begin their own questioning all over again.

I’m not sure how to make Noaz feel better about this. If I felt strongly one way or another, maybe it would progress the conversation, but like Noaz, I can see both sides. There are issues and obstacles that we’re going to face no matter the decision, simply because of the world we live in.

Noaz covers my hand with theirs and sinks their fingers between mine.

It’s only a few more minutes before we pull into the bistro. I park the car and then open the back door to help Miranda out. She looks so different from when we saw her last month. She’d only had a slight baby bump then, but apparently this month, the baby has really grown.

Noaz sticks the ultrasound into the glove box as I come around the corner. When they shut the door, I take them into my arms. “Maybe we just share the ultrasound that says boy on it,” Noaz suggests. “I’m focusing too much on this when we should just be sharing the excitement of our family growing and the introduction of our baby.”

“If it’s important to you, we’re not focusing too much. We can talk about it more after lunch, okay?”

They nod. “Yeah.”

I link our fingers together and bring them around the other side of the car. A man who I can only assume is Miranda’s boyfriend is kissing her sweetly. Both his hands are on either side of her face. It looks like a rom-com teaser commercial.

We join them, and Miranda takes a step back. She’s beaming. “ This is Heath,” she says and then gestures to us respectfully as she introduces us. “This is Briar and Noaz.”

Heath offers us his hand and we exchange the customary shake. “Everything go okay at the checkup?”

Miranda nods, rubbing her stomach with one hand. “Healthy and on track.”

Heath smiles. “Good to hear. You’re getting ready?” he asks us.

I nod. “Furniture is ordered. The demanded baby registry is made. I think I’ve shopped more these last couple weeks than I have the rest of my life combined.”

Heath chuckles. “Tell me about it. It can be exhausting. Especially since they grow out of their clothes every month.”

Noaz looks at me, a little alarmed. Grinning, I wrap my arm around their waist and gesture toward the bistro. The staff is quick and we’ve ordered almost as soon as we take our seats.

“I’m glad to meet you,” Heath admits. “It’s unnerving knowing someone else is going to raise your child and you have all these questions, you know? Seeing you in person has already settled me.”

“Good,” I say. “We’re so humbled that you chose us.”

Miranda is giving us a sweet smile. “I am too. I have zero doubts I made the right decision.”

Noaz leans against my shoulder, sighing.

We talk for a long time, remaining in our booth for so long that we end up ordering an appetizer to share and then dessert two hours after we finished our lunch. By the time we leave, I’m feeling really good. Really happy.

It’s nice to see the people who genetically created our baby. Nice to know they’re good people. They’re healthy people .

We’ve barely pulled out of the parking lot when my phone rings. Since we’ve connected it to Bluetooth, I tap the screen to answer it. “Hey, Mom.”

“Hi. How are you? Everything okay?” she asks.

“Yep. Driving so I can’t text.”

“Ah. Well, it didn’t say much except that I don’t have anything. Your father might, though.”

My eyebrows knit together. I sent her a text once we landed in Colorado to ask about any keepsakes or whatever from my childhood. I’m a little surprised. Hell, I wonder if I should be hurt.

Also curious about why Dad might have anything when we lived in the same house Mom’s in since birth and Dad’s been living up near campus in Northern California since I was a kid.

“Okay. I’ll call Dad. Thanks for checking.”

“Sure, honey. Love you.”

“Love you, too, Mom.”

Noaz hangs up, so I don’t have to touch my phone while I drive. “You’re surprised,” they observe.

“A little.”

“Why?” Noaz asks.

I shake my head. “Dad didn’t live with us. So… did he take things when he went north? It’s just a little weird, I guess. Want to hunt out my dad’s number in there? It’s helpfully entered in as Dad.”

Noaz snorts. “Got it. Dialing now.”

My dad answers almost right away. “Hello? ”

“Hey, Dad. You busy?”

“Nope. Everything okay?”

Must be a parent thing that this is always the first question they ask when their kid calls. Then again, that might be more of a reflection of how infrequently I call. Oof.

“Yep. I asked Mom if she had any keepsake things or whatever from my childhood. She said no and that you might.”

“I do.”

“Really?” I ask, surprised.

He chuckles. “Seth was almost two when I realized your mother just threw everything out or gave it away. Besides pictures, we had nothing. She wasn’t very sentimental in that way. Not her fault, that’s just not how she was raised. I made sure she knew the kinds of things I wanted to keep going forward. So while I have very little of Seth’s baby days, I have much more for you and Tabby.”

“Was Seth upset about it?” I ask.

“He hasn’t asked yet. I hope he’ll understand and not think it’s a reflection of his importance to us or our love for him.”

I nod and wonder how my brother will react. I suppose I’d have to know my brother to guess, and I really don’t. Glancing at Noaz, I muse about how different life would have been if I were close to my siblings.

“Are you looking for something specific?” Dad asks.

“No, not really. We—” I stop and wonder whether we made the announcement at our reception that we’re having a baby or I made that up. “You know we’re having a baby, right?”

“Yes. I’m very excited to meet my grandchild. ”

I sigh in relief. Oh good. He’s not the last to know. “We were talking and wanted to look at the things we had pooled between us from our own childhoods to see what we might want to pass down. Start a tradition with our family.”

I can hear the smile in my dad’s voice. “That’s wonderful, Briar. This isn’t something I want to mail, so I’d be happy to drive it to you. I don’t imagine you’ll be at Brevan’s event since it’ll be right around the time your baby’s due.”

Scrunching my face, I wince. “I’m so sorry, Dad.”

“It’s fine. We understand, and we’re really excited to meet your baby. Brevan is ecstatic.”

I make a mental note to do better, including my father and new daddy Brevan into my life. “Thanks, Dad. Please give Brevan my best.”

“I will.”

We make a plan for when they can stop by the Van Doren Estate to drop off my childhood memories or whatever they have and end the call. We’ve been sitting in the hotel parking lot for a few minutes as we finished the call with my dad.

“Not furniture,” Noaz says.

“He didn’t say so, but I would think not.”

“You said Brevan is just barely older than you, right?”

Smirking, I nod. “Apparently my father is a stallion,” I muse.

Noaz laughs. “You think he’s going to want kids? Think you’re going to have another sibling someday?”

I tilt my head. My initial reaction is to reject the idea because my dad is turning fifty this year. I can’t imagine him wanting to start over. But then… maybe he will. Maybe he’ll want to have a child who he sees every single day .

“I don’t know,” I finally answer. “I’ve never heard them talk about kids, but I guess that doesn’t mean much.”

“Hmm.”

Pulling the handle on my door, I say, “Let’s go in.”

I grab our case from the back seat and meet Noaz on the other side. We walk in hand-in-hand, bypassing check-in, and head straight for the elevators. I’m really loving the online check-in with electronic keys.

Once inside our room, I hold Noaz against me and fall to the bed. We laugh as we tangle and then settle. I love everything we do together. Everything. But some of my absolute favorite moments so far are these. Where we’re cuddling, wrapped in each other’s arms and just sharing each other’s space.

“I think that’s what I want to do,” Noaz says suddenly. “If it’s okay with you. Just share our ultrasound.”

“We can do that.”

“Then we can continue to have the bigger conversations over the next year, and by the time they begin to understand, we might have a plan.”

“I like that idea.”

“We can follow their interests and not force gender-specific toys or clothes or anything. I really want that, regardless of the discussion.”

“Agreed.”

Noaz shifts to look at me. “Do you agree or are you just?—”

“I agree,” I interrupt. “Not just because it’s important to you. You know gender hasn’t ever been something I’ve thought about, but that’s because I’m comfortable in the role that’s been prescribed. That’s what works for me. But just because it works for me, doesn’t mean it’s the right or only way.”

“I will never take for granted how amazing you are,” Noaz says, sighing.

“I’m not amazing. I’m a decent human being. It doesn’t take much and yet, they’re few and far between some days.”

They sigh. “You don’t need to tell me.”

“So we’re good on the gender reveal? That’s what you want to do?”

Noaz chews the inside of their lip before nodding. “Yeah. Or we can just wait until our baby’s born and home. Which do you like?”

“I think we wait. That way, we know that we’ll either get gear for both genders or neutral when Honey Bee goes crazy and maxes out her credit card.”

“She better marry rich.”

We share an amused look, knowing she’s been seeing Myro for a while in secret. Well, sleeping with Myro in secret. I guess we don’t really know if it’s something more than sex.

“Okay, let’s wait. I like that,” Noaz says.

“Now we can go down your list and start buying things.”

“How do you know I’ve made a list?” Noaz asks, brows furrowed.

“You’ve been working on it every single morning when you think I’m asleep,” I tease.

Noaz humphs. “All the lists are different. I’m pulling together one that makes sense for us. Well, me. I was going to show you, then you can tell me if I want too many things. ”

“It’s never too many things. Though maybe we can look at it with regard to practicality and whether we’ll use it.”

“I mean, we can just buy it all and donate what we don’t use to someone in need. Or save it until someone we know has a baby.”

“You know, you have four brothers and six nephews, and only Jalon has kids. You’re all well into adulthood. What happened?”

Noaz laughs. “I realized that five years ago. My nephews are young and there’s no rush, but my brothers are all in their mid- to late-thirties. That’s not late by today’s standards, but not one of them had been seeing anyone until recently.”

“We could talk about the economy and why people are waiting or choosing to have dogs instead,” I suggest.

They snort. “I know what our bank accounts look like. That’s not an issue in my family.”

I laugh. “Well, maybe we’ll start the trend. I predict by next year, we’ll have nephews and nieces…. And cousins? Wow, the generational gap being so small can be confusing.”

Noaz grins. “I don’t think next year, but I’ll agree that maybe over the next five years. Perhaps we’ll see a Van Doren baby boom.”

“Ah. More little rich kids to rule the world.”

They laugh. “It’ll be covered in blood!”