Page 11 of No Time Off (Lexi Carmichael Mystery #15)
ELEVEN
Lexi
Y elping, I leaped up the stage steps to get away. A scream caught in my throat as the pig adeptly followed me up.
How had I not known pigs could climb stairs?
I shrieked and rolled off the stage a mere second before the pig headbutted me. I landed on the ground with a jarring thump, scrambling to my knees as the pig assessed the drop and backed up to jump.
I was rooted to the spot in a weird terror when I saw Slash. He was on the stage behind the pig, creeping up on it. Before he could reach it, the pig lunged at me, lifting his body off the stage like Jennifer Grey leaping into the arms of Patrick Swayze in the movie, Dirty Dancing .
We were milliseconds from porcine impact, proving that pigs could indeed fly, when the pig jerked sideways on his leash and fell squealing back into the front of the stage. Slash held the other end of the leash, his feet splayed to absorb the shock. He held steady as Kai and another villager nabbed it. It squealed in loud protest, but the villagers held firmly.
Assured the pig was finally secure, I sighed in relief, sinking back to the ground. Slash released the leash and jumped from the stage to land beside me.
“Are you okay, cara ?” he asked, holding out a hand to help me up.
“Do I look okay?” I snapped. “I was just chased by a pig who wanted to kill me.”
His lips twitched. “Okay, let me rephrase that. Are you hurt?”
Slightly mollified, I checked myself over. “I don’t think so, but it was a close call. I lost the flower in my hair, darn it.”
He kissed my cheek. “Pig magnet or not, you still look beautiful to me.”
Kai and two villagers, in a well-coordinated effort, lifted and carried the uncooperative pig back to the pen. The crowd erupted into applause and cheers. Meanwhile, others were extinguishing the fire on the other side of the stage.
A young woman rushed up to us with her phone out. “Can I get a closeup picture of you two? I got it all on video. It’s amazing. I’ll bet I’ll get two million views on Instagram.”
“Sure, we’ll pose for a photo,” Slash said, causing me to look at him in surprise. “But you have to let us watch the video afterwards.”
“Of course,” she said, beaming.
Puzzled, I stood next to Slash and smiled while she snapped the photo and then handed her phone to Slash. Slash started watching the video when the villagers started using a fire extinguisher on the corner of the stage where the grass skirts went up in flames. We watched in awe as steam and smoke swirled about the stage and the fire was finally put out.
Everyone cheered again.
“That was an amazing video,” Slash said, handing the woman back her phone. “Thank you for sharing.”
I was still in a bit of shock as we started walking back to our table. “So much for a quiet, romantic evening,” I groused. “And I still have to go to the bathroom. Will you walk me there?”
“Why? In case the goat gets loose?”
“Very funny.” I pursed my lips at him. “But maybe.”
He chuckled and kissed the top of my head. “Sorry, couldn’t help myself. Okay, cara . I’ve got your back while you’re in the bathroom.”
I was finally able to safely use the restroom, and Slash spent some time washing his hands and face in the men’s room before the excitement finally settled down.
Once we got back to our table, the man with the red Hawaiian shirt barged up to us. “Wow, lady!” he shouted, causing me to wince. “This is the most exciting luau I’ve ever been to. I’ve never been attacked by my dinner before. That pig really had it in for you. What in the blazes did you do to it?”
“I didn’t do anything,” I said. “Animals just hate me. I was headed to the bathroom, and it got away from the boy and started chasing me.”
“Well, it was lucky that guy saved you,” he said, pointing at Slash.
“That guy is my husband,” I said.
“Well, he was certainly in the right place at the right time.”
“He usually is.” I glanced over at Slash and saw his lips twitch into a smile.
“You know, young man, I can’t tell you how amazing that rescue was.” He snatched Slash’s hand off the table and enthusiastically pumped it. “You came out of nowhere to stop that pig. You’re a true, blue, pig-wrangling Hawaiian hero. Can I take a selfie with you two?”
“I’d rather no—” Slash started, but the man had already snapped two or three photos of them together and then rushed back to a group that was waving excitedly at him.
I sighed. “So much for a quiet evening. Looks like our honeymoon is ruined. We’re probably already social media celebrities.”
Slash took my hand and raised it to his lips. “Au contraire. We’re good. Nothing, especially our honeymoon, is ruined.”
“How can you say that? That woman has probably already uploaded her video to every known social media platform in the universe, and he will probably post those awful selfies all over the place.” I let my gaze drift to where the man was talking to his family and friends.
Slash brushed a fingertip across my cheek. “Trust me. At this point, the woman is probably wondering what she screwed up, since she can’t find her video or the picture of us. And that man will be terribly disappointed with his photo.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You deleted their photos and video?”
“The woman’s, si . Why do you think I let her take a picture of us in exchange for getting her phone to see the video?”
“Oh, Slash, that’s brilliant. What about the guy who just took those selfies?”
“He forgot to switch around his camera. He got a great shot of the rest of the luau.” He cupped my cheeks in his hand. “So, now, dear wife, what do I get for saving your bacon?”
“Oh, no.” I smacked him on the arm. “You did not just say that.”
“Ah, but I did.” He grinned, looking way too pleased with himself. “I think I’m really getting the hang of American colloquial phrases, as odd as they may be.”
We both laughed as the music resumed and free drinks were handed out. After the villagers reset the venue and reorganized what was left of the stage, the evening returned to its regularly scheduled program, minus the hula performances.
After dinner and a few Polynesian dance numbers, I began to relax. It may have been the alcohol or the different kind of beauty nighttime in Hawaii provided. The air cooled slightly, carrying the fresh, clean scent of the ocean and the subtle fragrance of night-blooming flowers. The current dancers swayed and wove gracefully across the stage under the flickering tiki lights, spinning tales of ancient history, conflict, and love. They twirled, tossed torches, and waved spears while the Hawaiian drums and music offered a crescendo of excitement. I glanced up, amazed at how a clear sea of stars sparkled brightly, free from the interference of city lights here on the east coast of Oahu.
Eventually, we were all invited to dance with the villagers. The setting was so enchanting that I took Slash’s hand without hesitation when he offered it, even though I didn’t really like dancing. We found a spot on the beach where we kicked off our sandals and swayed barefoot, our toes gripping the sand. Under a canopy of diamond stars, we danced until we were breathless as the drums, chanting, and laughter blended into the night.
It was the first and best night of our honeymoon.