Page 180 of Nine Months to Love

I take another sip of water. “He says you’re using her.”

Natalia’s expression doesn’t change. “I’m sure he does. Stefan sees the world in very black and white terms. I’m either a saint or a monster. There’s no in-between.”

“So which are you?”

She smiles sadly. “Neither. I’m just a woman who made mistakes and is trying to fix them.”

The waiter arrives with her sparkling water and asks if we’re ready to order. Natalia orders a salad. I order the same, even though I’m not hungry.

When we’re alone again, Natalia scoots her chair closer to the table. “I know what Stefan has told you about me. About the affair, the fire, everything.”

“He told me his version.”

“And do you believe him?”

I hesitate. “I believe he believes it.”

“That’s not the same thing.”

“No. It’s not.”

Natalia’s eyes never leave mine. “Did you read Matvey’s journals?” When I nod, she continues, “Then you have seen the truth. Matvey was a complicated man. Brilliant in some ways. Broken in others. He wrote everything down, though, so we can see for ourselves a perfectly preserved record of what happened.”

“He regretted how he treated you.”

“Yes. He did.” She takes a sip of her water. “But by the time he realized that, it was too late. The damage was done. Stefan had already chosen a side.”

“He was a child,” I protest.

“Exactly. A child who saw his father suffering and blamed his mother. And Matvey never corrected him. He let Stefan believe I was the villain.”

I think about the passages I read. Matvey admitted to his mistakes and acknowledged becoming the monster he accused Natalia of being. Was that the truth? Or is there another piece of the puzzle I still haven’t seen?

“Stefan says you drove his father to suicide.”

Natalia’s face goes very still. “I didn’t kill him. His tumor did. The paranoia, the violence, the delusions—all of it was the disease eating away at his brain.”

“But you were having an affair.”

“Yes. I was.” She doesn’t shy away from that harsh admission. “I was miserable, Olivia. Matvey was a good man once, but the soul of the man I married disappeared long before he actually died. What was left behind was angry and cruel and dangerous. Vasily, on the other hand, was kind to me. He made me feel safe. I know it was wrong and I know it hurt people. But I was drowning and he threw me a lifeline.”

Our salads arrive. We pick at them in silence for a moment.

Then Natalia sets her fork down and says, “I want to be part of my son’s life. My grandchild’s life, too. But Stefan won’t let me. He’ll never listen to me long enough to understand.”

“What if I made him listen? He would if I asked him.”

She folds her hands in her lap and sighs. “Olivia, I appreciate what you’re trying to do. But I don’t think you understand who Stefan really is. The man I know is capable of terrible things. Things that would horrify you.”

“I’ve seen terrible things. I know what he’s done.”

“Mikayla is caged in a concrete box, Olivia. No windows. No sunlight. Just four walls and a locked door.”

I feel my throat tighten. “He’s not hurting her.”

“Isn’t he, though? Can you imagine what that’s like? Being kept in isolation for weeks on end? Not knowing if you’ll ever see daylight again?” Natalia leans forward so all I can see is her face, somber and stricken. “He’s going to kill her.”

“No. He wouldn’t. He’s kept her alive this long.”