Page 181 of Nine Months to Bear

“All of it. None of it. I don’t know.” I rake my hands through my hair, over my face. My skin is itchy and burning and the words that can salvage this whole fucking mess just won’t come to me. “It’s complicated.”

“It’s really not. Either you planned to use me or you didn’t.”

“I planned to use your clinic. Not you. Never you.”

“Oh, what a distinction. You only wanted to destroy my professional life, not my personal one. How noble.”

“I didn’t know you then.”

“Guess what? You still don’t. I’m more than…” She bends down to read. “… more than ‘bleeding heart tendencies and a clean reputation (mostly).’”She shakes her head in disgust. “Every time you touched me, were you thinking about this? When you were inside me this morning, telling me we could be together, was the future just looking so goddamn rosy for you and your little schemes?”

“No, Olivia,” I say quietly. “That was real.”

“How am I supposed to believe that?” She’s not shouting anymore. Her voice has gone quiet, defeated. That’s worse. God, that’s so much worse. “How am I supposed to believe anything you say when I have proof that you’ve been lying since day one?”

“Because you know me.”

“I thought I did. But the man I know wouldn’t…” She trails off, looks out the window again. “The man I thought I knew wouldn’t do this.” She closes the journal and taps one nail on the cover. “This is you. This is who you really are. This is who you always have been—and I’m just the stupid girl who believed otherwise.”

She hugs herself and steps back from the journal, eyeing it warily like there are more pages in there that she just isn’t strong enough to read.

“We’re done,” she says quietly. “Whatever this fucked-up thing was or wasn’t, it’s over now.”

I step between her and the exit. “You can’t leave.”

“Watch me.”

“Olivia, you’re not safe out there.”

She laughs hollowly. “Right. Of course. Now comes the part where you tell me I need your protection.”

“You do,” I insist in a frustrated growl. “There are people?—”

“People who want to hurt me because of you?” She scoffs. “Is that what you’re going with?”

“It’s the truth.”

She purses her lips as she glares at me. “You wouldn’t know the truth if it punched you in your perfect face.”

“Mikayla can’t be trusted. She’s been working with Zakharov. Feeding him information about us, about you.”

“What convenient timing for this shocking revelation.”

“Taras just told me. That’s why we rushed here. To make sure you were safe.”

“You say that like you give a fuck.”

“Because I do! You think Zakharov won’t use you to get to me? You think he cares that you’re pregnant?” I advance toward her. “He knows about the baby, Olivia. Mikayla knows, which means he knows. You walk out that door, you’re a target.”

“I’m already a target. I have been since the moment you decided to destroy my life.”

“I’m trying to protect you.”

“From what? From who?” Her voice rises to a fever pitch. “From them? From you?”

“Yes. From all of it.”

“You can’t protect me from something you caused!”