Page 82 of Night’s Fall (The Four Realms #1)

Forgiveness

“I think Tanyn has a thing for Cat ,” I announced.

Aleksei and I were in bed.

It was after dinner and after we’d made love (yes, again, but I did have payback to give after his lovely words earlier).

I was in a satin nightie and nothing else, lying on my back at a slant, my head on Aleksei’s pillow.

Aleksei was naked (yum), on his stomach, down the bed with his head on my belly, his arm tight around my hips.

Jupiter was communicating his happiness Mom and Dad had worked it out by sticking close, even if it was Jupiter’s version of close.

He was curled into a circle next to me on my pillow.

Nova was tucked against the base of Aleksei’s spine.

And Comet , still not over his nap being disturbed with the added affront of him being banished from the Princess Retreat , was at the end of the bed, leg up in the air, cleaning his unmentionables.

Aleksei lifted his head and looked at me.

Gods.

Would I ever get used to how beautiful he was?

I sifted my fingers through his hair.

“You caught that?” he asked.

I nodded. “ You did too?”

Aleksei nodded. “ But Cat didn’t. She acts like he slithered up from the last level of hells.”

“She has some ugly history with the demons of the Edge .”

“Hmm,” he hummed.

Wow. That felt good.

“If she cottons on and is interested, she should go with that. Tan loves nothing more than a challenge.” Aleksei advised. “ The more she avoided him or glared at him like he was a fly who landed on her dessert, the more I sensed his interest grew.”

I noticed that too.

I also smiled and filed this away for future use.

“So noted,” I said.

His arm around my hip tightened on my smile.

Then all three cats’ heads turned our way as he surged up so we were chest to chest and face to face.

I liked the other position a whole lot.

But this one worked too.

I slid my fingers through his hair again, ending the journey this time by playing with a curl at the end.

“I have more to tell you about Errol ,” he announced.

Oh farg.

I frowned.

How could there be more?

“I’m sorry, love,” he murmured, gaze to my frown.

I was sorry too.

For him .

I curved my arms around him. “ Right . Let’s get it over with. Give it to me.”

He rested his forearm on my shoulder so he could stroke my jaw with his thumb.

And then he said, “ He didn’t just fuck with you and me. He’s the one who paid that female to get pregnant by Tim . He even arranged for them to meet. He set the whole thing up.”

My mouth dropped open.

“Indeed,” he muttered. Then shared, “ He knew Tim doesn’t take the birth control serum.

He paid her and then told her she’d get more on the other end either from Tim , to pay her to get rid of it, or Dad , when she refused.

Although he didn’t know that Tim would douse her drink, Tim had confided in him he was going to do it, so Rol was the one who told her it was done.

Even so, she meant all along to rid herself of the child. ”

Lord in hellfire.

“Does Timothee know this?” I queried.

“We were going to tell him. But he lost it simply hearing what Rol did to me and you. Dad and I discussed it after he was sedated and decided against it. At least until we figure out what to do with Rol after this is all done.”

I sensed this was a good decision.

But I was doubly angry, because the negotiations with this female were complete. Weeks ago, she’d signed what she needed to sign to be kept quiet, and she’d been given Timothee’s entire yearly allowance, which was three and a half million marks of credit.

“Are you going to do anything with her?” I asked.

He shrugged. “ There’s nothing we can do. If we confront her with it, or renege on the agreement, she can share Rol’s involvement widely.”

Now I was angrier.

“So you’re forced in the position of having to protect Errol .”

Aleksei said nothing, but his eyes did. A flash of purple shot through the night sky of them.

“As infuriating as this is,” I began, “the more I hear of the width and breadth of his treachery, the more I think Errol needs some serious help. I mean, what he did with us…nothing more needs to be said. But what’s the purpose of doing that?”

“We asked the same thing. He didn’t consider I’d do what I did and assume my place at the head of the family.

One thing Errol is adept at is observation.

He knew that wasn’t something I wanted. Instead , he thought Mom , and even Dad , would consider this as Tim going too far, and they would do what I did. Either way, he got what he wanted.”

“Are you going to lift Timothee’s punishment?”

“I’m considering it. Though he’ll have to avail himself of Palace resources until his allowance is reinstated a year from when the payment was made to her. He may have been set up, but he played his part in it, and it was far from good.”

“True,” I mumbled.

“Darling, I want to go over one more thing before we sleep.”

I focused on him, not a huge fan of his new tone.

“Your father—” he began.

I sifted my fingers into the hair on both sides of his head to stop him from speaking and said, “ Let’s discuss this later. It’s been a lot today, but we’re back, the cats are good, I love what your dad did for Antheme , and we have a big day tomorrow.”

“This has to be said, Laura . Now .”

Ugh.

“What?” I asked.

“It isn’t lost on me that a child, no matter the age, would want to understand the behaviors of their parents. Especially if they had a detrimental effect on your childhood.”

“Okay,” I said when he stopped speaking.

“And you might come to some understanding of his. Because I also know that a parent is a parent, there is a yearning for them to be that, again, no matter your age. And it’s my experience, you never stop wanting them to be a good one.”

Yes, that was his experience.

And fortunately for him, his did.

Mine?

We’d have to see.

Though, I was sensing Mom was a lost cause.

“You’re saying this because…?” I prompted.

“Because, again, you might come to a point where, what you learn, how he explains, how he behaves with you, you forgive him. But you must know, I will not. Not ever.”

Oh boy.

“It’s your life,” he continued. “ And your choice who to welcome into your life. But he will never be welcomed into mine. And when we have children, we’ll need to have another discussion.”

Oh boy!

“Aleksei—”

“I want to be open to this exploration with you,” he said, his voice rougher.

“ I’ve searched myself these past hours since I saw his holo, and for you, my love, I can and will search more.

But you must know, I fear there will be no change in how I feel about this.

If you find it in your heart to attempt some kind of relationship with him, I might get to the point where I’m capable of being cordial, but I doubt even that. ”

“She died in his arms, Aleksei ,” I whispered, and he flinched.

Yes.

He very much understood how painful that would be.

So when he asserted, “ It doesn’t matter,” I was taken aback.

“I’m learning how deep our bond is,” I replied. “ And I’m seeing how devastating that had to be for him. He says he was fifteen blocks away from her, and he still felt her fear. Their bond must have been?—”

“It’s no excuse.”

“Aleksei—”

“Darling,” he bit off, “ I stood in a cell and listened to my brother share how he conspired to murder your beast. I wanted to tear his head off. It took every ounce of control I had not to do so. And I didn’t.”

“And he didn’t succeed in his plans,” I pointed out.

“No, he didn’t. But consider this. Many years ago, it was a viable defense of rape when a male asserted he was under the influence of alcohol or drugs when he committed the act.

Until it was made clear that there are vastly more males who could become inebriated and their instinct was not to violate a female, in fact, they’d never consider it and would find such an assertion of themselves repugnant, that this defense was successfully disputed. ”

This was true.

Aleksei wasn’t done.

“We touched on this discussion tonight with the guilt Tim is feeling. He was a punk, playing pranks on his brothers, and his parents didn’t put a stop to it.

I hated it, but I didn’t let it dig deep so I harbored it for years in order to use it as an excuse to commit unspeakable acts.

In other words, what befalls us is not an excuse to commit unspeakable acts.

If you do that, it’s in your character, whether you’re drunk, or you’ve experienced some trauma.

A monster commits rape. A monster abuses his child.

A monster conspires to commit murder. The murder Rol was conspiring to commit was of your beast, it’s still murder. ”

He swept his thumb over my cheek and continued.

“They both have a monster within, love. As such, I’ll also share that it will be very difficult for me should you find it in your heart to forgive him, because I know this about him, which is why we’ll be discussing things further when we have children.”

What he said was food for thought.

But on my first chewing, I didn’t totally agree with him.

“I think you’re right about sexual assault, honey,” I said. “ And I can’t say you’re wrong about Errol . But I also can’t say that anyone can discount loss or trauma and how it affects your psyche and how that will further affect your behavior.”

“He put his hands in anger on a child,” he gritted. “ There isn’t a being alive who doesn’t understand that’s unconscionable.”

“I know,” I said, running my hands soothingly up and down his back.

“ But Timothee has behaved in manners reprehensible, and I sense forgiveness in you, because you sense he’s feeling regret and taking responsibility.

” I gave it a beat before I finished, “ My father is feeling regret and taking responsibility.”

A muscle jumped up his cheek.

He saw my point.

“I love how much you love me,” I whispered, and felt his big body relax in my arms. “ And I know it’s intense, and sometimes can be troublesome for you, but for me, it feels amazing how deep your need is to protect me.”

“Laura,” he murmured.

“And I’ll tell you, I don’t know if I can forgive my father either.

But if I do, and that need interferes with you being able to be there with me, so be it.

It’s a consequence of his lack of control, or whatever took him to the place to take his grief out on me.

” I lifted up and kissed his jaw before I fell back to the pillows.

“ It will be what we need it to be. And I promise, I won’t ask you to do anything it goes against your instincts to do. ”

“This is all I need,” he whispered.

“Then we’re good,” I said.

“Yes, we are,” he said much more firmly.

Then he kissed me before he called to the lights to go out, pulled the covers over us and tangled us up in bed.

Proof.

I couldn’t sleep without him, because last night, I didn’t.

But in the dark in his arms, within seconds, even after our most recent deep conversation, after we murmured goodnight to each other, I was out like the lights.