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Chapter thirty-two

They all should have been sleeping. With the next sunset, they’d all be leaving, heading out for the raids, but Rae knew the same thing that kept her awake kept them awake too.

That was how she’d found herself passing time with Baelin and the entirety of First Unit in one of the large lounges in the eastern wing of the manor, far away from the natatorium.

“So, Evander, Roak, what’s it like working for this one?

” Rae asked, flicking her chin in Orion’s direction.

Seven of Aidan’s team members had died in the last week.

Seven. Omnia had never targeted any of his team, but they’d killed Providents.

Plenty of them. And though Rae felt certain from her extensive research that Demesia was better off without them, she was still responsible for the loss of their lives, and she wasn’t entirely without remorse.

Rae hadn’t seen Beck, the former fourth member of First Unit since the night she’d found Reed, but Reed seemed to fit right in with the others.

Orion, stoic but kind, and Evander and Roak, the other two Vampires that had attended the ceremony in the glasshouse.

Brothers, as far as Rae could tell, one slightly older than the other, with the same deep brown skin, the same pale grey eyes, and the same angular jaw.

Whereas Evander had cropped black hair shaved at the sides, not unlike Baelin’s, Roak wore his slightly longer.

All the Vampires had been drinking visk and eating Rae’s snacks, much to her surprise. Whether they were always this discreet about feeding or they were simply doing it for her and Reed’s benefit, Rae wasn’t sure, but she appreciated it all the same.

“It’s a privilege to work in any capacity as part of this household.” Roak shifted on the sofa he occupied, his eyes never leaving the tiles in his hands. The game was dyshe, bone pieces with markings on either end that needed to be paired in a chain, and Rae was losing, very purposefully.

Evander barked a laugh on the opposite sofa.

“Ass kisser.” He launched a sponge roll at his brother’s head.

“He’s a hard taskmaster,” he told Rae, Orion silent to her right.

“But he taught us everything we know, and for that, we’re both eternally grateful.

” He raised a glass to his commander and his brother.

Even Reed followed suit. Again, Rae was struck by the kind of males Aidan had surrounded himself with, the family he’d made of them, and considered that perhaps she’d never truly understood what it meant to have a family at all until Nim came into her life.

Orion watched it all in that quiet way of his, but he didn’t join in the toast. Just dipped his chin in thanks.

He smoothed a hand through his cropped black hair, the closest thing to relaxed she’d ever seen him.

Rae suspected beneath that stoic exterior was a male who cared very much, but that his position dictated he never show it.

She’d met many like him in her childhood.

That he was the only one to join them in Cormac’s basement told Rae everything she needed to know about him.

Ru unravelled from around her neck and climbed into her lap, turning twice before settling down to sleep.

Quinn had curled up beside her feet. As the others laughed at something Reed said, even Orion hiding a smirk, Rae had that quiet feeling of nostalgia creep up on her again.

Like she was already gone from this place and missed it terribly.

But it was just as she’d told Aidan: running was what she did best.

Baelin revealed his winning hand, and a chorus of grumbles erupted from the others, jostling Rae from her thoughts. She gently deposited Ru in the curl of Quinn’s legs, pushing to her feet.

“What, you’re leaving?” Roak asked. “Let’s play one more round.” Without warning, he threw a small chocolate ball across the table into Evander’s open and waiting mouth.

Rae laughed. “I’m going for more snacks since you’re all doing such a great job of wasting mine.”

“Let Shaw bring them,” Evander said, pouring more visk for the table.

“It’s Shaw’s night off.” Spending the evening with his husband, he’d told Rae earlier.

She was already climbing over the back of the sofa, reaching for the door.

And besides, she’d wanted to tell them she’d never liked being waited on, though there had been enough of that in her childhood too.

Truthfully, she just needed a minute alone.

Their joyful conversation and laughter followed her back to the kitchen, carving up a little piece of her heart.

She opened the fridge, letting the cold air wash over her.

Just a few more hours and they’d have Nim back.

She hadn’t known Reed all that well before the Witch had gone missing, but she’d seen enough to know he was only sitting up with them because the alternative was sitting in bed alone and fretting about whether his girlfriend was still alive or not.

Nim had to be. Rae told herself that over and over and over until she felt a presence brush at her thoughts.

Her fingers closed around a covered plate, and she elbowed the fridge shut before turning to face Aidan.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to startle you. Lest you drop your… ” His eyes dipped to the plate in her hands.

Rae pulled the cover off. Rare steak, swimming in blood. Bastard. He’d known what it was. “I thought it was chicken.”

“Want me to make you something?” Aidan offered, his eyes roving over her face.

“You cook?”

“You underestimate me.”

“Never.” She recovered the plate and returned it to the fridge. “I’m not really hungry.” Instead, she pulled a silver tin from her pocket and set about rolling a joint.

“We should discuss the raid,” Aidan said, watching her carefully. His hair was wet, like he’d just come back from the pool, and Rae tried not to think about running her fingers through it, what his powerful body had felt like under hers.

She cleared her throat. “Bae and Orion have briefed me.”

“What we might find when we get in,” he added.

Rae felt his eyes on her tongue as she licked the paper shut. She met his silver gaze, anger flaring in her chest. “She’s alive, Vale.”

He moved around the kitchen island, pulling a lighter from his pocket and flicking the lid for her, the flame sparking to life. “Baxter, then. At least tell me you understand the risks.”

Rae leaned as close as she dared, one hand curling around his, not quite touching as she lit the joint, his scent enveloping her. She snapped the lighter shut and winked at him. “I can look after myself.”

“This isn’t a joke, Farren. You’ve seen what just one of those things can do.”

“Who’s joking? I’ve had no one looking out for me but me for the last ten years of my life, Vale.

I don’t need you to start doing it now just because of some archaic Vampire bullshit.

This isn’t real. You said it yourself.” Rae found herself needing the reminder, but the words sounded hollow even to her.

The door burst open, Ru tumbling through in a little ball of fluff. He straightened, five bushy tails weaving together before leaping onto the counter and then Rae’s shoulders, nuzzling at her cheek.

“You made it a tag?” Aidan asked.

“One for Ru, one for Quinn.” She passed Aidan the joint before stroking her fingers through the rutok’s soft fur. He’d be fully grown soon, but that still put him smaller than Quinn’s entire head. “Jealous of the pets, Vale?”

Aidan said nothing, a frown drawing his eyebrows together as he glared at Ru and the little silver tag she’d made.

The silver and the tests—they had to be connected, somehow, Rae felt certain of it. “Do you still think they got hold of some Thaumas blood?”

The Vampire Lord nodded.

“But what would they want with the silver?” She was asking herself as much as him. “I can’t help but think we’re missing a vital piece here.”

He was silent beside her, leaning back against the kitchen counter, taking a slow drag of the joint. “Fae have no use for silver outside of trinkets.”

“So, Aera has been the driving force behind this. Humans. Bax. That bastard knew the lengths I’d been going to to buy more silver for the studio. Why is he doing this?”

“Knowledge is power, but brute force, riches, those are the oldest forms of currency. He’s amassing all three.”

Another reminder of how monumentally Rae had fucked all of this up.

For Seylan. You’re doing this for Seylan.

Part of her knew she should reconsider, knew that everything Cillian had taught her had been wrong, but she couldn’t quit now.

Not when her brother needed her. Even if it meant losing everything she’d built in Demesia.

Aidan’s eyes met hers and Rae swallowed.

Everything she could have had, but she couldn’t entertain those kinds of thoughts.

She set Ru on the counter and watched him scurry away, presumably back to Quinn. A beat of silence passed, too many thoughts to keep track of spiralling into a headache at the base of her skull despite the weed. “Do you ever feel like everything is just slipping through your fingers?”

“All the time, Farren, all the time.”

Of course he would understand. And that was the trouble.

He understood far too much. Saw far too much, even when she tried to hide it all from him.

This isn’t real, she told herself again, as if it might snuff out the feelings she wasn’t willing to face.

Rae reached into her pocket for the final piece of silver she’d work on in a while, took Aidan’s hand, and placed it in his palm.

“This is yours,” he said, turning the ring in his fingers. Of course he knew. Even though she’d modified it.

“I made it bigger. It should fit your thumb.” She watched as he slid it over the tip of his digit, then the knuckle, spinning it once with his finger the way she used to. Rae hadn’t just made it bigger, it was wider, flatter, the inside engraved with a dozen spells. “It’s a—”

“A gift,” he said, his voice rough and his eyes softening.

“And a fine one. Thank you.” The warmth in those words.

She couldn’t bear it from him. Not after all that she’d done.

All that she’d taken. All that she was about to do.

“Stay,” he said firmly, the word somewhere between a command and a plea.

Without reaching for her, she felt him press against her mind, like phantom hands caressing her thoughts.

“Stay out of my head,” Rae told him, a half command, half plea to match the one he’d given her. She wasn’t afraid of him, but she was afraid of this. This connection between them, coward that she was.

His hand flattened above her heart like a brand, the gesture somehow both possessive and tender at the same time.

He sucked in a breath, and Rae braced herself for whatever he was going to say, whatever he was going to ask, steeling herself against the weight of it.

But the smallest frown pinched at his brow, and he said, “I don’t need to hear your thoughts.

I can hear your heart beating. I can feel your frantic pulse. Right. Here.”

And Goddess curse her, but she leaned right into that touch. Curled one hand into the wet ends of his hair and studied his face. “I’m supposed to hate you,” she murmured.

His eyes held hers, searching. Waiting, as if she might flee like a startled doe at any moment.

Rae had never feared him—had always felt an overwhelming sense of safety in his presence.

“I know.” Only he didn’t know the truth of it, or he would never have let her into his home. Would never have agreed to any of this.

Rae didn’t let herself lean into him any further. Couldn’t. Though she wanted nothing more than to kiss him, to feel his body pressed against hers, his strength. “Don’t ask me again,” she whispered, before slipping free of his embrace and returning to her room.