Page 35

EPILOGUE

GAVIN

Six Months Later

“ H ow do I look?”

“Beautiful. You look perfect, princess.” Beck stroked his hands up my arms and met my eyes in the mirror. “Perfect.”

My gut churned with nerves, and when Beck wrapped his arms around me, I grabbed onto his wrists, holding tight. “What if they decide they don’t want to talk to me after all?”

Beck kissed my neck and said, “Then you accept it and keep doing what you’ve been doing.”

I took a deep breath, then let it go. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.” I was so fucking nervous that I felt sick because of it.

I was about to go formally apologize to Isaac Carpenter and Brody Corelli, and I had no idea what would happen.

Last month, I told Beck how much I wished I could, at the very least, say I was sorry, because I wasn’t sure what else I could do to make amends. If they would even let me or wanted me to do anything for them. I told him I figured the first step was apologizing, but I didn’t think they’d ever want to see me or be around me again, and I wouldn’t blame them at all if that was the case.

Beck had gotten in touch with Brody and, to my surprise, Brody told him that he’d let me say my piece—but only if Beck was there. I was glad, because as much as I thought this should be something I should do alone, I couldn’t deny that having Beck there would give me the confidence and strength I needed to face the horrible things I’d done to those two men. I knew they wanted Beck there because he could stop me in case I attacked them—which I wouldn’t because I wasn’t that person anymore—but I was okay with that.

I was honestly shocked they’d agreed. But more than that, I was hopeful. Honored, in a way—because they were giving me a chance to tell them how sorry I was for everything I’d done. They didn’t have to, and that meant more to me than they would ever know.

The last nine months had been the hardest but most rewarding time of my life.

The officers who arrested me back in November got their comeuppance, though Beck was far from satisfied.

Because there was no way to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the officers had known what was happening and willfully ignored it, we weren’t able to take it to court. But Jeff didn’t give up, and because of the nature of the arrest and the fact that my dad was friends with one of the officers in charge of the case, the police department conducted an internal investigation and reached the conclusion that the two officers arresting me had acted in violation of police department rules and regulations. The man was fired and fined, and the woman was permanently demoted.

It wasn’t the outcome we’d been gunning for, but it would have to do, I supposed. Plus, Beck was the one pushing for every single person who’d ever hurt me to be punished. I just wanted everything to be over.

I kept going to therapy. Kept attending the AA meetings, although I only went a couple times a month instead of every week. I even started to enjoy it. Had spoken once, too.

And working at the gym was one of the most fulfilling things I’d ever done. I was now helping Beck with all the kids’ groups, and I’d even gotten a one-on-one client of my own. I never thought I’d end up loving all these kids as much as I did, that they’d look up to me and actually enjoy my company, but I did. They did. It was incredible. Surreal. Amazing.

And Beck…Beck was my rock through it all, quietly encouraging me to keep trying, keep making better choices, keep moving forward no matter how steep the climb became.

I wouldn’t have been able to do any of this without him.

I wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for Beck.

I didn’t care what Dr. Varu or anyone else said, that I should want to live for myself, that I shouldn’t live for other people, because…

Sometimes that just wasn’t enough.

My undying love for Beck was what saved me. And his love for me was what kept stoking the flames that had been about to burn down into nothing.

I thought love of any sort was a good enough reason. And when that love was Beck’s for me, or mine for him, I thought that there was no greater reason than that.

With Beck, love was as uncomplicated as it got. But when I thought of my dad…

Despite all the resentment for my dad that lived in my heart, I couldn’t stop myself from wondering what he would’ve been like had he actually loved me. If my real mom would have even left in the first place, if I’d ever have even met Beck.

And that was the thought that made me grateful for everything that had happened, no matter how painful. I couldn’t even imagine my life without him, and I didn’t want to. It was simply unfathomable.

Dr. Varu was helping me learn to let go of the past, to let go of the anger that continued to come up whenever I thought of my dad—especially when I found out I’d gotten everything he owned by default because he didn’t have a will.

I didn’t want it. Any of it.

The only thing I wanted was the one thing I couldn’t have: a conversation. A moment to ask him why , to ask him if he’d ever loved me, to ask him why couldn’t he just love me as I was?

Instead, I was saddled with the house, ten thousand dollars of savings, and questions that would be left forever unanswered.

Oh, and the cabin in the Poconos. I wanted to burn that cabin to the ground.

Beck’s lawyer had found out that my dad had suffered a series of smaller strokes in the months leading up to the one that ended his life. I asked Jeff if he also knew whether my dad had been aware of them, but Jeff hadn’t been able to get any more information.

I guessed it didn’t really matter in the end, whether he knew or not. The outcome was still the same.

I looked at Beck in the mirror, letting my thoughts dissipate, letting him fill me with all that love in his eyes.

“Come on,” Beck said, giving me a peck on the cheek. “We don’t want to be late.”

I gave myself one final scan as Beck left the bathroom, enjoying the fact that I didn’t absolutely hate looking at my reflection anymore. I’d filled out the past few months, put on a little bit of muscle. It made me feel a little stronger, a little more confident.

Less hollow.

I was wearing one of Beck’s casual button-ups and a nice pair of black jeans. The button-up was a charcoal gray that was only a little too big. He’d offered to take me shopping for the ten thousandth time, and instead of answering him, I just glared at him. He’d laughed and then kissed me.

I left the bathroom and went back to the bedroom, where Beck was slipping his wallet into his back pocket and grabbing his keys off the nightstand. He gestured at the peace offering I’d bought, sitting on top of the nightstand.

“That’s what you picked out?”

I scowled. “It’s all they fucking had. She said their flowers all got damaged during shipping and that they wouldn’t have any new ones until next week.”

Beck rolled his lips between his teeth to try and hide his smile and picked up the small succulent. “No, it’s…it’s nice,” he said, his eyes sparkling with mirth. “I’m sure they’ll really appreciate it.”

“Fuck you, Beck,” I muttered, feeling self-conscious about it. Beck saw right through my words and was in front of me in two steps, dragging me into his arms and crushing me to his big, strong body.

“Hey. It’s perfect, baby. It’s the gesture that matters. Don’t be upset, I was just teasing you. Who knows, they might even love it.” He pressed an aggressive kiss to my cheek that helped to settle my nerves, and I let myself sag against him, let him run his hands through my hair as I closed my eyes and inhaled his scent.

He still smelled like stupid ocean breezes and dumb fucking sunsets, and I loved it so damn much.

“Come on.”

Beck took my hand, and we walked through the house. Anya ambushed us before we got to the front door, like she’d been lying in wait.

“Take these with you!” she cried, shoving a plastic container into Beck’s hands since I was holding the succulent. “They’re brownies. Pot-free, of course.”

Beck gave her a very disapproving look. “That’s not even funny, Anya.”

“I thought it was. I felt like clarity was needed since you never know in this day and age,” she said with an impish smile, like she was a weathered eighty-year-old instead of a rambunctious teen.

“You’re grounded,” Beck said flatly.

“On what grounds!” Anya cackled and turned around, waltzing back into the kitchen.

“Christ, I’ve failed in raising her right, haven’t I?” Beck mumbled.

“Yup,” I agreed. I enjoyed their back-and-forth so damn much. “All that—” I pointed toward the kitchen. “—is your fault.”

Beck turned toward me with an arched brow. “Oh yeah?” He stepped close, those blue eyes all I could see.

“Yeah,” I rasped, unable to look away. He leaned in and captured my bottom lip in his teeth, tugging slowly and dragging a low moan from my chest. When he let go, he traced it with his tongue, then stepped back. I was already tipping toward him for more, my cock half-hard and my mind fogging with lust.

“Okay, let’s go,” he said, moving to the door and leaving me there.

“You fucking asshole,” I grumbled as he chuckled, holding the door for me.

He grabbed me with one arm around my chest as I passed him, jerking me back into him. “Yeah, but I’m your asshole,” he murmured into my ear, making my cock jump.

He kissed my cheek and shoved me forward. “You’re gonna make us late, princess. Chop chop.”

I couldn’t stop the grin that broke across my face as I gave him the finger over my shoulder.

His laugh was everything.

“What if they’re not even home?” I whispered, glancing nervously at Beck. He’d knocked over a minute ago and no one had come to the door yet.

He put his hand between my shoulder blades and kissed the side of my head. “They’re here. It’ll be okay, baby. Just say what we practiced, okay? You can do this.”

“Yeah,” I said, swallowing thickly.

The door swung open, and there was Brody. Tall, tattooed, and smiling at Beck. “Hey, Beck, how are you?” He held out his hand, and Beck took it, shaking once, then let go.

When his gray eyes cut to me, my heart jolted in my chest. His smile disappeared and he gave me a curt nod. “Gavin.”

“H-hey. Hi, Brody,” I stammered, my cheeks heating as his sharp eyes took me in. Beck’s hand, which was still on my back, drifted up to grip the nape of my neck.

Brody saw that too, his eyebrows rising the tiniest bit. Then he stepped back, opening the door wider, and said, “Come on in.”

I let Beck go first, let him grab my hand in a tight grip and pull me in behind him.

I felt like I was about to throw up.

I heard the door shut, then Brody was striding ahead of us toward a black leather couch in a small living room to the right.

“You can make yourselves comfortable in here, Isaac will be in in a minute, I think.” He glanced toward an arched open doorway across from the couch that looked like it led to their kitchen.

Beck dragged me toward the couch and pulled me down with him, leaning back and keeping my hand in his. There was a smaller loveseat across from the couch—black leather, as well—and a coffee table between them.

Brody sank into the loveseat, throwing an arm over the back as he eyed me assessingly. A loud bang sounded from the kitchen, and Brody glanced over his shoulder at the door. When he turned back to us, he looked thoroughly amused. “Isaac’s just trying out a new recipe despite the fact that he can’t follow directions very well. Sorry, the timing is really bad.”

“No worries,” Beck said lightly. His hand on mine was as soothing as a weighted blanket, calming my frayed nerves.

Brody was looking at me again, his eyes catching on the top of my neck tattoo.

“Huh. Is that new?” he asked, pointing at my neck.

I raised my hand to the ink, self-consciously covering it. “Yeah,” I said. “Sort of.” My gaze dropped to his tattoos, curving around his neck and disappearing into the collar of his shirt. He had two full sleeves, too.

“You have any more?”

“Yeah.” I gestured at my left arm. “Some here.”

“Never pegged you for a tattoo guy. But I guess we never really knew each other, did we?”

I licked my lips and shook my head. No, we hadn’t known each other. But that didn’t stop me from bullying him in high school, even though he was three years older than me.

The sharp sting of smoke filled my nostrils, and I could see some of it billowing from the kitchen.

“He’s gonna burn down the whole fucking complex,” Brody muttered, looking over his shoulder again. The smell of smoke became too strong to ignore, and he gave us a small smile and said, “Sorry, I’ll be right back.” He got up and said loudly, “Isaac, sweetheart, I think it’s time to take it out.”

“No, don’t come in here!” Isaac yelled from the kitchen.

Brody didn’t listen and disappeared through the archway.

I heard furious whispers, a loud laugh, and then the scrape of metal on metal. Beck leaned over and kissed my cheek, and when I turned my head, he pressed his lips to mine. “You got this. I’m right here. It’ll be okay no matter what.”

Fuck me, but I loved him so fucking much I didn’t think my entire being could hold it all. It was overflowing from me, this love, and all I wanted to do was wrap myself in Beck.

“Yeah,” I whispered, looking into his eyes. “Thank you, Becky. For always being here for me.”

“You’re stuck with me, baby. No getting rid of me now.”

As if I’d ever want to.

“Well, if it isn’t the tiny-dicked wonder?—”

“Isaac!” Brody barked.

I whipped my head to the archway. Isaac was glaring at me, but when he turned to stare up at Brody, who was giving him a stern look, his cheeks flushed.

“What did we talk about?” Brody slipped his hand into Isaac’s blond hair, brushing it behind his ear. A glint of silver caught my eye, and I noticed the band on his ring finger.

Were they married? I glanced down at Isaac’s hands and saw a gold band on his own ring finger.

My chest tightened.

“Fine,” Isaac said, pouting. His green eyes flashed to mine, displeasure evident in their depths as he walked to the loveseat with Brody at his back.

Fuck, I thought Brody would be the one who hated me more out of the two of them, but it seemed like Isaac had a bigger bone to pick with me.

When they were settled across from us—Isaac with his arms crossed over his chest, and Brody, who was almost twice his size, leaning into him, one arm thrown across the back of the loveseat, his fingers brushing Isaac’s shoulder—my nerves started getting the best of me.

Isaac’s eyes dropped to where Beck was holding my hand, then flew to mine, clearly surprised. His mouth fell open, and then he scoffed and said, “Oh my god. Of-fucking-course. I shouldn’t even be surprised, but fuck, I am.” He looked up at Brody, accusation in his eyes. “Did you know?”

“No, baby, I didn’t know.”

“Hm. Well, it all makes sense now, doesn’t it?”

Brody leaned down and whispered something in Isaac’s ear. The smaller man clamped his mouth shut and sighed through his nose.

Brody looked at the succulent in my hand and nodded his head at it. “What’s that?”

I blinked, then looked down at the small plant. “It’s…” Fuck, I was such a fucking idiot. I should’ve just not gotten a single damn thing. “It’s a succulent,” I said, like a fucking idiot.

Brody’s lips twitched. “Uh-huh. You just like to carry around succulents?”

“No, it’s—” Fuck me. I leaned forward and set it on the coffee table, nudging it toward the two men. “They didn’t have any flowers. I got it for you guys.”

Brody and Isaac looked at each other, communicating something with their eyes, and then Brody said, “Huh.” He looked back at me and smiled. “That was a nice gesture. Our little cactus over there could use a buddy.” He pointed to a small cactus sitting on the windowsill, then said to Isaac, “Kinda feels like kismet, doesn’t it?”

Isaac looked at the succulent I brought, then at me. “That’s not the word I would use.”

Brody chuckled and said to me, “Thank you. We love it.” He stood and picked up the small plant, then brought it over to the window and set it right next to the cactus. When he sat back down next to Isaac, it felt like something heavy in the room had lifted a little.

Just a little.

Beck leaned forward and put the plastic container of pot-free brownies on the coffee table. “My stepsister made those for you and was very clear that the brownies have no pot in them. For the record.”

Brody reached for the container and flashed a smile at Beck. “Tell your stepsister thank you, I love brownies.”

“He really does. It’s a wonder he has any abs left, but they’re there. All one hundred of them,” Isaac said, patting Brody’s flat stomach.

Brody pulled the lid off and dove right in, popping a whole brownie into his mouth.

“So…” I started. Beck squeezed my hand, encouraging me. “I, um. Thank you guys, for letting me…for inviting me here and letting me apologize. I was…” I swallowed, my throat feeling too tight, my skin starting to itch. I stared at a coffee stain on the table between us. “I was fucking horrible to you both, and there’s no excuse for my behavior, but I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for everything. I wish I could go back and stop myself from ever doing or saying any of it?—”

“Well you can’t,” Isaac cut in flatly.

I glanced up at his face, his hard expression making my heart pound. “I know, I just meant?—”

“So you and Beck are…together?” Isaac said.

Brody swallowed his brownie and said, “Isaac. Can you let him talk, please? He didn’t come here to fight. Let him say what he needs to say.”

Isaac threw his hands in the air, obviously upset at this point. “Brody, you almost fucking died because of this asshole and you want me to play nice?!”

“I was always gonna get the surgery, baby. He just sped up the process a little.”

Isaac’s mouth dropped open, and he punched Brody in the arm. “I cannot believe you right now, Brody Corelli! You think this is something to joke about? Oh my god, you jerk !”

Brody grasped Isaac’s face in his hands and said softly, “Calm down. I’m fine. Everything is fine. He didn’t set out to make my heart fail, okay? Anything could have set it off. You could have set it off. A rainy day could have set it off. Anything. So please, sweetheart, let him apologize. If you haven’t noticed, this isn’t the same Gavin Forster from three years ago. And I, for one, want to hear what he has to say. I think you should, too.” He kissed Isaac on the nose, then stared into his eyes.

Isaac looked back at him with so much love that it made my chest ache. My eyes started welling with tears, a deep chasm of sadness for the pain I’d caused them opening up inside of me.

“Fine,” Isaac whispered. “But only because I love you so much.”

“I’ll take that,” Brody murmured. When they looked back at me, I was trying to surreptitiously brush away a tear that slipped out.

I cleared my throat and shifted on the couch. When I glanced at Beck, he looked so upset on my behalf that I wanted to throw myself into his arms and tell him it was fine, that this was so much better than I’d imagined it going, that I would be okay. Instead, I just whispered, “It’s okay.” He nodded, still looking unconvinced, but I needed to finish this.

I looked at Isaac and said, “I’m so sorry for how I treated you, Isaac. You didn’t deserve that. Neither of you did.” I looked at Brody, who was just watching me with a neutral expression. “It doesn’t matter what I was going through, I could have made better choices, and I didn’t. I will always be sorry for hurting you—both of you—and I know my apology doesn’t mean much at all, if anything, and you didn’t have to let me sit here and say anything to you. I just…I spent ten years pretending I was something I wasn’t, hating everyone who didn’t have to pretend, and I was a horrible bastard because of that, and I will probably carry the shame of that for the rest of my life. I’m trying to be better. I’m not asking for your forgiveness, not at all. I just thought you both deserved an apology, at the very least. I know too much time has passed, and too much damage has been done, but…I’m sorry.”

I didn’t know that I was crying until Beck pulled my face into his shoulder and brushed away the tears. He kissed the top of my head and said, “It’s okay, baby.”

My fingers found the material of his shirt and gripped it tightly, shaking in an embarrassing way.

“We heard about what your dad did,” Isaac said, completely unmoved by my tears. He was a tough little guy, but I knew that from the moment I got in his face all those years ago. Tough. Strong. Stronger than I’d ever be. “Heard he did some real shady shit before he died.”

“Isaac, I swear to god, baby,” Brody muttered.

I wiped away the last of my tears and sat up, and when Beck reached for my hand again, I let him grab onto it and link our fingers together.

“Yeah,” I said, my voice rough. “He was a real asshole.”

“Yeah. Parents can really fuck you up, if they try hard enough.”

A choked laugh bubbled out of me.

“Saw you at Dr. Varu’s office a few weeks ago, too,” Isaac said. When I looked up, he was watching me with a guarded expression. “She’s my therapist.”

What were the fucking odds?

“Yeah,” I said. “Same.”

He nodded and pursed his lips, saying nothing else.

Brody sighed and leaned forward. “We appreciate the fact that you even wanted to apologize at all, Gavin. I never held a grudge because of what happened, I don’t think that’s a healthy way to live, but Isaac’s never really been able to forget it. He’s very protective of me,” he said, a fond smile curving the corners of his lips up as he stared down at Isaac.

The smile dropped away when he looked back at me again. “My uncle told me what happened in the holding cell. When I said you were coming over here, he told me to tell you he’s sorry. That was a rough day for him. A painful anniversary. He was hungover, and being stuck in there with you was…not ideal. He’s held a grudge for a long, long time. I’ve tried to get him to let it go, but it’s been hard for him. He’s very protective of his family.”

Beck’s grip tightened on my hand, and I could practically feel him vibrating with anger at the reminder of what Brody’s uncle did to me.

“It’s fine,” I said quickly.

“It’s not?—”

I squeezed his hand hard enough to crush his bones. “It’s fine ,” I said.

Brody gave Beck a knowing look.

“Well, thank you for saying all that,” Isaac said. “I don’t know if I forgive you, per se, but I think it helps knowing you’re not out there hurting other people. And thanks for the plant.”

I nodded, shocked that he was thanking me at all. “Thank you for listening.”

Beck stood, and I followed suit.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Brody said, standing. “My sister, Bri, wanted to know how much you charge to take lessons down at your gym? Said she wants to become a karate master before she turns forty or something.”

She sounded like Anya.

Beck laughed and shook his head, as if he was thinking the same thing. “Depends on what she’s looking to take lessons in. We don’t have any actual karate instructors, but if she calls or stops by, we can give her a rundown of everything.”

“I’ll let her know. Thanks.” He set his gray eyes on me and nodded. “And thanks, Gavin. Hope you keep making better choices.”

With that, he pulled Isaac up from the couch while Beck pulled me toward the door, and we left. Right before we got back in the car, Beck dragged me into his arms and said, “I’m so fucking proud of you, baby. So fucking proud.”

I wrapped my arms around him, melting into him. “I couldn’t have done any of this without you,” I told him. It was as true as my love for him.

We drove home with our hands linked over my thigh.

We ate dinner with Anya—it was lasagna tonight—and played some cards after the table was cleared.

Later, Beck and I sat on the patio, listening to the crickets and cicadas. The sunset touched everything in ethereal hues of pinks and oranges and reds.

Nothing had ever felt more real.

As I stared at the darkening sky, fading into a twilight so blue it looked black, the stars blinking against all that eternity, I thought I might be the luckiest man in the world, to have someone like Beck in my life. He was my goddamn hero, and I would worship him until the beat of our hearts faded into nothing.

I hoped that wasn’t for a very, very long time.

THE END