Page 36

Charlie

Weddings have always been akin to funerals in my book. Two people signing their lives away who probably don’t even like each other. I always thought it was fucking stupid to put yourself through a life full of misery, boring sex, and bickering over money, just because you care about someone a little more than anyone else.

I was dead fucking wrong.

Now, I can’t help but envy Tom and Andi for being able to say what they’re feeling. I can’t even figure it out. Do I love Bailey? Fuck, I don’t know. What does love even feel like? Is it this desperation I keep feeling? The swimming in my stomach when I look at her and catch her smiling? The fucking panic I felt when I woke up today and she wasn’t in bed with me?

Yeah. I’m fucking in love with her.

God, I’m a fucking pussy. I knew I should have stayed away from her. I should have let her live her white picket fence fantasy in Malibu and avoided her. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel so goddamned lousy, knowing I have to let her go.

She cares for me, but there’s no fucking way she’s in love with me. It’s too soon. For her, this started a couple weeks ago. For me, it’s been steadily building since I met her in that dingy lighthouse in Malibu.

Tomorrow she’ll go back to Illinois and resume her life. I’ll be a blip on her timeline. A couple weeks of fun, no strings attached. At least, on her end.

I thought about asking her to stay for a couple weeks, but what good does that do? Prolong the inevitable until she resents me for making her feel the exact things she told me she didn’t want? I’d make her fucking hate me, just like Priscilla when I wouldn’t propose. Only, the one thing I couldn’t give Priscilla is the only thing I want to give Bailey.

“You’re much more handsome when you smile,” Bailey whispers, sneaking up behind me after we take our last picture with the bridal party. She snakes her arms around my front, under the suit and hugs me from behind.

Fuck.

My chest aches and I rub it before grabbing her hand and kissing her knuckles.

“Too much is happening at once,” I murmur truthfully. I’m fucking overwhelmed between the wedding, Bailey, and my own feelings that I can’t seem to understand.

“I know,” she whispers. “You’ve got that speech.”

Fuck and I forgot about the speech.

“You forgot, didn’t you?” Bailey asks, stepping in front of me.

I reach up and pat the front pocket of my suit jacket. “I don’t know if it’s any good, but it’s all I got. ”

Bailey smiles sweetly and I resist the urge to kiss her. Not here in front of all of these people. Not when I need her so much that my hands tingle to touch her, be close to her.

“Tell them you’re happy for them and that you’ll beat both of them up if they hurt each other. Just speak from the heart.” She pats my chest over my heart and I worry she can feel the unsteady rhythm her touch brings.

“I don’t know how I feel,” I admit, finally. I don’t fucking know if I’m even talking about Andi and Tom or her and I. Everything’s so convoluted right now that I can’t keep us all straight.

“I just hope she’s happy,” she shrugs, watching Tom and Andi as they make their way to the dinner hall.

“She better be,” I grimace, watching Tom put his arm around my little sister. “Or I’ll fucking kill him.”

With the wedding in full swing, I barely have time to sit down with Bailey before they’re calling for me to make a speech.

I haven’t rehearsed. I don’t even know what to say. I don’t care for Tom, but I am his best man. I know it’s because of Andi, but couldn’t he have picked someone that actually has good shit to say about him?

I stand from my seat, resisting the urge to throw the microphone and refuse to do the speech when everyone’s eyes turn to me.

“So, this is how Dad felt last night?” I ask, not realizing the microphone is on until everyone laughs.

I look to Bailey, but it’s a big fucking mistake. Now, I can’t form a coherent thought.

“I guess, I’ll start off by saying congratulations to my sister and her new husband. Um, next, I’d like to say thank you to everyone for being here.”

God, I’m fucking this up, bad.

Then, an idea hits me.

“When Andi was a kid, she used to ask me to hang out with her all the time. I hated the idea because she’s my little sister and it wasn’t as fun as hanging out with my friends. But . . . she was able to stick it out. Became better friends with some of them than I was.”

I chuckle, looking down at the table in front of me. “It made me think maybe she wasn’t as bad as I thought.”

Andi always had a plan. College, marriage, kids. I thought she was crazy because the idea of that just seems like you’re signing yourself up for a whole lot of work and pain. I thought weddings were stupid . . .” I shrug. “Kind of still do.” That makes the men laugh, but a lot of the women stay quiet. “But I concede. Spending your life with someone who understands you, loves you despite your flaws. I think my sister deserves that.”

“Now, unlike Dad, I was pissed when Tom didn’t ask for her hand before he proposed. Thought it was bullshit. Disrespectful. But I can see he cares about her. I can see he loves her and she loves him, so I’ll make a concession. This time,” I add, staring pointedly at Tom.

“So, let’s eat and drink and do whatever else we’re supposed to do at weddings.” I raise my glass, but quickly stop myself. “Oh, but one more thing.”

“Andi,” I say, looking to my little sister, who lets a tear run down her cheek. “If Mom were here, she’d think you were the most beautiful bride she’s ever seen.”

The room erupts in applause and I sit down next to Bailey, the tension leaving my body when all eyes turn from me to Andi and Tom.

“You did a great job,” Bailey says, smiling. She presses a kiss to my cheek and leans close to whisper in my ear. “Your mom would be proud.”