Page 39 of Never Dance with the Devils (Never Say Never #6)
When I shake my head, she drops her eyes to the table, like she’s looking through it into her lap. Without being able to see, I know she’s twisting the ring on her middle finger. It’s one of her tells when she gets nervous. Hell, it might be her only tell.
“His irresistible charm,” Maddox suggests. “Or his hair? It’s always his hair. Do the flip thing you do for the Jumbotron. This motherfucker seriously had a seven-figure shampoo endorsement deal last year for it.”
He’s working his magic again. This time on Kayla, not me. Letting pressure build, then releasing a bit, before letting it build again.
I run my hand through my hair, then shake it out.
I have no idea why fans like it when I do that.
It started as a necessary movement to get my in-need-of-a-cut hair out of my eyes before putting my helmet on.
Some cameraman filmed me and it became a whole thing.
Now, when I take my helmet off—between plays, for a brawl, to cool off, literally every single time—the camera jerks to me so they can film me putting it back on.
I don’t get it, but the team’s marketing group eats that shit up.
And he’s right, I did get a million-dollar shampoo endorsement deal from it.
“Not bad,” Kayla says, fighting a smile, “but that wasn’t it.” She inhales, then blurts out, “I was lonely.” Her eyes jump from me to Maddox like she’s waiting for us to laugh at her, but there is no laugh forthcoming. Not about that.
“Unfamiliar city, shitty day, another forgettable hotel? I can see that. Sometimes, I get that way when we have a run of away games. Like the anonymity of it all overwhelms you, making you feel like an inconsequential ant on a big rock in a whole field of dirt,” Maddox says with a nod.
My brow furrows. I wouldn’t have thought Maddox even knew the definition of the word lonely.
He’s always surrounded by people, the life of every party, and if there’s not a party, he creates one with his natural charisma.
But he sounds like he means it, so I suppose it’s possible even he feels alone sometimes.
“And there we were, looking good and offering hot and sexy excitement,” he says, his pressure on-pressure off approach continuing.
Kayla shakes her head. “Not only that night, though it came to a head then. I’ve been feeling that way a lot lately.
Or I was.” She goes quiet, and this time, Maddox doesn’t save her.
After a long stretch of silence, she says, “My whole family has grown by leaps and bounds over the last few years, with all of my brothers going from single to coupled up, and I love that for them. Truly. And I have more friends in my sisters-in-law than I’ve ever had, which I’m so grateful for.
But sometimes, when we’re all together, I feel so…
invisible. They have all these stories and experiences, and I’m sitting there like ‘had another meeting’ or ‘working on this contract’. ”
Her eyes implore us to understand what she’s saying, but I think she’s still figuring it out for herself.
Because I get it. I’m a workaholic in my own way, with all of my conversations centering on hockey, at least most of the time.
In my case, though, the people I spend time with usually only care about hockey too. Like Maddox.
“If I add anything to the conversation, I feel like my dad. For most of my life, all he’s ever brought to the table was work, work, work, and I know how that made the rest of us feel.
I don’t want to do that, only offer that.
So I try to ask questions, be involved in whatever they have going on, but in the end, I’m tagging along on their adventures, not living a life of my own.
” She freezes, her gaze dropping to her plate of barely touched chicken as if she can’t believe she just said that aloud.
“Do we make it feel like you’re living your life?” Maddox asks. He’s being totally serious, putting the pressure back on now that her walls are coming down, brick by fragile brick.
She takes a long, slow breath, and I feel as though her answer has the potential to destroy me more than anything Eliza ever did, and that’s saying a lot.
Maddox cautioned me that if no-strings fucking is all Kayla wants, we’ll respect that, and I agreed.
Early on. But I’m in too deep now. I’m reading into every look, every invitation, every touch, and I want more than casual with her, which scares the absolute shit out of me.
The only thing scarier would be her saying that casual is all she can do. That would gut me at this point.
Quietly, she confesses, “That night made me feel like I could be the one with a story to tell. An experience to relive.” As though speaking those words emboldened her, she locks eyes with Maddox, then me. “I have felt happier in the last few weeks than I ever have in my life.”
The smile on my face feels strange, like the muscles have forgotten how to stretch that much since I don’t typically smile this wide. But I can’t help it. Kayla’s answer reflects my own feelings about the last few weeks. “So, what are we going to do about it?”
I’m okay. She’s okay. Maddox is okay. Well, as okay as he ever is considering he’s currently shimmying his shoulders with some impromptu song that amounts to ‘oh yeah, woohoo, uh-huh, she likes us’, which he’s intentionally singing very off-key.
And you know what? Maybe we’re not just okay. We’re happy.
“This is insane. You know that, right?” Kayla says from the backseat of Maddox’s SUV.
I glance behind me to see her sitting primly in the middle seat with her legs crossed and a leather weekender bag beside her. The smile on her face says her soul disagrees with her mind’s analytical evaluation of our actions of the last three hours.
“It was your idea,” Maddox throws over his shoulder .
“It kind of was, wasn’t it?” Her voice is breathy and bright, full of excitement.
Talk of living life turned into me reminding her that she enjoyed that weekend away, completely unplugged in a cabin in the woods.
She’d been surprised that I remembered that but had blissfully agreed that was an experience she’d loved.
When she dreamily suggested that maybe we could do that ‘sometime’, Maddox had started searching online.
In minutes, he found an Airbnb available for the weekend, and with Kayla offering surprisingly little argument about the unplanned trip, we hit the road.
One Walmart stop for supplies including a change of clothes for Maddox and me, two bathroom breaks, and an ice cream cone from a drive-thru later, and we’re almost there. And Kayla already has at least five stories she can tell at her next family dinner… if she chooses to go.
“What’s the first thing you want to do?” I ask. She’s been looking at the pictures of the cabin on her phone so I know she has ideas.
“Stargaze.” The answer is quick and definitive, and a complete surprise.
“Are you an astrology girlie? I’m a Mercury setting, unicorn rising, retrograde tangerine. We’re compatible, right?” Maddox grins, though his eyes never leave the road.
“I barely know my sign and only know my birthstone because I was given a necklace for my sixteenth birthday with a sapphire pendant.” Kayla laughs. “So, to me, it sounds like we’re totally compatible.”
The road gets darker as the trees surround us, becoming a tunnel lit only by the SUV’s headlights. We get watchful, looking for the signs the cabin owner told us we’d see.
“There. Turn right,” I tell Maddox, spotting the orange reflective heart on the tree. As he takes the turn, the long driveway—that’s what they’re calling this dirt road—stretches out before us. “Are we sure we’re not going out here to be murdered?”
“It’ll be fine,” Maddox assures me and Kayla, who’s leaning forward to stare out the front window. “I can outrun both of you.”
Kayla smacks his shoulder, muttering ‘asshole’, but she laughs as she does it.
Thankfully, the driveway opens up to a clearing and situated in the middle of it is a house. It’s not fancy, but it is cute, with a porch across the front and the warm glow of the interior lights making it feel welcoming.
“It’s perfect,” Kayla says with a happy sigh.
We barely look around, just setting our bags on the kitchen counter and grabbing a blanket before we’re out the back door.
I spread the blanket out in a flat spot in the yard and Kayla takes her place, lying down in the center.
Maddox and I lower ourselves on either side of her, and I take her hand in mine, weaving my fingers through hers.
We’re quiet, all staring at the blackened sky. Out here, away from the city’s lights, the stars are not only brighter, but there are also hundreds more of them. Maybe thousands more.
“I clocked the Big Dipper and Orion’s Belt, but that’s all I’ve got. Anyone else have star knowledge to offer?” Maddox whispers.
“That one is Cassiopeia,” I say, pointing toward a cluster of stars .
“Really?” Kayla leans into my shoulder to follow my line of sight into the sky.
I chuckle. “I have no fucking idea. I don’t even know where the Big Dipper is.”
“Holy shit, man. Was that a joke? Are you telling jokes now?” Maddox sits up in a rush, staring at me like some sort of alien body snatcher might’ve switched me out for a Riggs impersonator.
When Kayla laughs, I feel like things might work out. Like we can make this work. “This is going to be a great weekend,” she says, squeezing my hand.
“Yeah, it is.”