Page 18 of Needing to Fall

I didn’t move my head, just my eyes to him.

“You want to say anything?”

I looked at the clock. “Time’s up.”

He checked his watch, disappointment flittering across his face. He must have had high hopes.

“We meet again tomorrow in the morning and the afternoon.”

I gripped the chair. “I’m not talking. Get it through that fucking head of yours. If you and Rambo wanna talk, fine, but leave me out of it.” I rose from the chair and turned to the nurse by the door. “Take me to my room,” I demanded.

She looked behind me and must have gotten the okay sign because she escorted me back to my room.

***

I lay in bed, Drew’s dead eyes staring back at me. Then, in a flash, his happy ones came along with visions of his wife and kid. Every memory I had of Drew got tangled with the new ones tainting my old ones. I wished I could get the old back, but for a woman like me, wishes never came true.

“I’d like to talk about a few things you shared yesterday,” Dr. McMann spoke from his cushy, brown chair behind his desk.

Lynx sat in the same chair as yesterday. He had on black scrubs, while I had on blue.

When we got into the room, the doctor told us that we would have a double session today. I didn’t care. When I opened my eyes this morning, all I could see was Drew happily holding his kid. I didn’t have the strength to argue. I just wanted this over with, this entire thing over with.

I answered, “What?”

His eyes widened before he looked down briefly then back at me. “You talked about watching a rape. Did that happen to you?”

It took me two seconds to know where he was going. He couldn’t come flat-out and tell Lynx what was going on with me because of doctor/patient crap, but if I talked about it in the sessions, he could bring it up andpry,which was what he was doing.

I said nothing, and neither did Lynx.

“How’d you feel watching that woman get hurt?”

When images from that night invaded me, I tried to blink them back, but it was no use. The woman’s screams as they tore her from the inside out, the moment when her cries for help stopped along with my heartbeat, wondering if she was dead—I was going to have to relive this shit, and it killed me.

My heart raced, and I could feel my body starting to burn from the panic.

“Do you get off on this shit?” I asked the doctor, focusing directly on him and ignoring Lynx.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Reign,” he responded.

“Get off on it. Enjoy hearing about others’ pain and hurt. Bringing up shit that needs to stay buried. You get off on it, don’t you?” Yep, I flipped from sadness to the spark I needed. It was better to deflect any hurt I felt with anger. Anger was always easier.

He set his hands calmly on the desk. “No, Reign. I’m here to help you.”

I let out ahumphsound. “Bullshit.”

“Reign, I don’t enjoy for one moment hearing about you being hurt or seeing someone hurt. It’s my job to help you work through all of this.”

I had heard enough. “Whatever.”

“I’d like you to answer the question.”

Lynx stayed quiet through the whole exchange.

Enough was enough.

“I’m done,” I told him with finality, crossing my arms over my chest.