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It seems the proper way to end all this drama is with an orgy.

I wasn’t lying when I said I needed a few days to heal before attempting sex with my aliens again, but something miraculous happens just a few measly days after Calvin came and tried to turn me into a bean and/or his wife. Do you think there’s a drastic difference between the two?

Because of some very coincidental circumstances, my triad and I are lauded as heroes. I super don’t feel like we did all that much, honestly, but I am not about to say no when a large group of aliens living at our current station come up to us and offer to worship us.

We’ve spoken briefly about common courtesy here, and I believe this falls under one of those times.

This offer of worship is seen as a great honor among the different alien species, and that, combined with the large inheritance I’ll be getting soon, it seems we have some options.

Oddly enough, and much to my everlasting glee, Calvin managed to get my name correct in one place and one place only; the very non-traditional will, written in all of the things, sonnet form. He really gave me all his money thinking his pan would go off without a hitch.

Earth was strangely thankful we caught a baddie they’ve been chasing for years, so have offered us diplomatic immunity as well as the chance to move back to Earth, with all my aliens.

This felt weird to me but then again, I am not, nor have I ever been, an alien with an alien dick, so I do not fully understand their complete thought processes.

Here’s how the conversation went (this is the abridged version, the non-abridged version included lots of talk of my breasts and cunt, and I’m sparing you all that. You’re welcome):

Me: Your wristband says what, now?

Adeema: That we can move back to Earth. They say we are welcome to accompany you, to become the first aliens they welcome as citizens of Earth.

Me:…you’ve been in space your whole lives. Wouldn’t the gravity on Earth like turn your bones to gelatin or something? There’s got to be something bad that would happen to your internal organs, too. They don’t exactly breathe the same air there

Owiin: There will be a transition process, but the air is similar enough to what we have on the space stations, and the gravity close enough to what they use on those same space stations, that no internal liquefying should happen

Me: Very reassuring, thanks. It feels selfish to ask you to give up your only known home to live in a shit hole

Owiin: Is everything down there a shithole, then?

Me: Pretty much, yeah

Kass: I’ve already researched the area you come from and there are plenty of places we could live that look very not shit-hole-ish

Me: …

Kass:…

Adeema:…Your mammary glands look fantastic right now. May I nibble on them?

(Sorry, that slipped in there)

Owiin: Do you have any interest in moving back to Earth? I am told there are no crickas there, that feels like a bonus

Me: That’s true

Owiin: Well, do you? I can assure you that we’ll be happy there. We might have some minor issues being too noticed due to our appearance, but I’m sure in time that will settle down. Maybe it will even pave the way for future species from space to settle there. Or start a whole different sort of species exchange where humans and galactic species are trading places willy-nilly (I added that part, he definitely did not use the words ‘willy nilly’ but they felt like the proper way to convey the meaning behind his words)

Me: ‘Kay

Adeema: No really, may I?

Kass: Only if I get to nibble on her cunt

Me [magnanimously agreeing]: Do we need to talk about this more? Weigh the pros and cons? Look at other options before we just up and move to Earth? Do you guys even want to live there?

Owiin [stroking his cock because in his mind this discussion is already settled]: Nah (he in fact said no thank you)

Me: ‘Kay

And that was pretty much the extent of it.

Once they railed me really good and worked up to roughly my belly button with their massive cocks, in turns of course because they’re nothing if not polite, we became a massive heap in the middle of the living area, covered in various bodily fluids.

It felt like a moment I should imprint in my memory for safekeeping, because they were absolutely right in that I had already given up everything to be with them. Their argument was that my whole experience in space had been less than stellar (space joke!) and so they wished to try things the earthly way.

When I told them about puppies and kittens it was pretty much game over, so I think now our plan is to buy an over large home, because we can afford it, and get too many pets.

We figured something out that will help human women for generations to come: if they want to take their alien mate’s dick in full, all they have to do is **** ** ** *** *** next to baby unicorns. Sorry, it has been redacted, because apparently this is a galactic secret now. Highly sensitive information we’ve just gotten a patent on, which will make us even richer.

It was a miracle when we figured that out though, because it made taking any of them far easier than it had been before. So we have an incredibly fulfilling sex life, I get alien dick on the regular, and I get to have all the sweet little animals my heart can handle.

Bonus, I get to rub it in my ex-neighbor’s face (total bitch) that me having such terrible luck with men actually led to something pretty incredible. It might not have been Calvin’s doing that I found my happily ever after, but if it weren’t for him and all the other massive assholes I should never have bothered with, I’d have stayed on earth and continued on my path of self-destruction.

Now, I stand to be the happiest human woman in existence and also reap the benefits of eternal gratitude from multiple world and space leaders, so things are looking pretty great around here.

In the end, I didn’t get to be queen. That’s okay. It’s enough that I get three massive golden dicks to sit on at my leisure, and that they fucking worship me. That’s basically the same thing, right?

We’ll vacation to different stations when we feel ready to, but there’s no rush.

What did we learn?

If finding a partner on earth just isn’t working out and you’re at the end of your rope, try taking an alien for a whirl. You might be pleasantly surprised.

If that’s not an option for you, then I’ve got nothing except that cookie dough is pretty great?

PS.

If you are wondering what happened to Calvin, the being he had made a soul deal with turned him into goo, remotely. Very, very messily.

Thank you for reading my silly little alien story!