Page 60 of My Horrible Arranged Marriage (Bancroft Billionaire Brothers #20)

ISAAC

S he blocked me. I knew she did. I’d gone over it again and again in my head.

The unanswered calls. The fact that every text I sent came back with that cold “delivered message” but never “read.” It wasn’t just her phone number that she blocked me on.

It was her social media. I was the cancer she cut from her life.

I should’ve expected it. Hell, I deserved it.

I just didn’t think it would feel like this.

It felt like someone had taken a crowbar to my ribs and cracked me wide open.

They ripped out my heart. My very soul. I never knew it was possible to feel this kind of pain.

I couldn’t pop a couple of pills and make it go away.

A bottle of scotch had only given me true pain and a revolting stomach.

My head throbbed with every pulse of my heart as I fumbled with the coffee maker.

The kitchen was too bright. The morning sun streaming through the windows was an extra layer of torture. I deserved it. I deserved worse.

“Come on, you piece of shit,” I muttered, jabbing at buttons. The machine gurgled to life, mercifully starting its brew cycle. I leaned against the counter and closed my eyes, willing the room to stop spinning.

Last night’s scotch had been a mistake. A big one.

I’d started drinking around eight, sitting alone in my penthouse with the lights off, staring at the city below.

By midnight, I was sprawled on the couch, phone in hand, typing and deleting messages to Mina that would never be sent.

By two, I was on the floor, wondering if I’d ever feel anything but this hollow ache again.

The coffee maker beeped. I poured myself a cup, black and scalding, and took a cautious sip. It burned all the way down, but at least it gave me something else to focus on besides the hangover and the gaping hole in my chest.

My phone sat on the counter, silent and accusing.

I’d checked it a hundred times since waking up.

Nothing. Not that I expected anything. She’d made her position crystal clear.

I shuffled to the living room and sank onto the couch, noticing the mess I’d left.

An empty bottle. A half-eaten sandwich. I rubbed my jaw and felt the stubble.

I knew I looked rough. I didn’t care. I looked like a man that had his heart ripped out.

The coffee burned as it trailed down my throat again. I knew I’d messed up. I knew she had every right to shut me out. But knowing that didn’t make the silence any easier to sit with. My penthouse used to feel inviting. I loved being home. But now it felt cavernous and cold.

I looked over to the box sitting in the corner.

I had packed up some things to make room for Mina’s girly stuff.

I had been so excited to have her in the penthouse.

We were going to make a home. She was supposed to be adding frilly pillows that would end up on the floor and scented candles.

I wanted to see her bedazzled travel mug sitting on the counter.

It seemed hard to believe that it was all gone. That it would never be.

If I didn’t get my shit together, I was going to completely self-destruct. I didn’t eat. I barely slept. I couldn’t stop imagining the worst. I hated that she was probably somewhere curled in a ball and sobbing. I hated that she hated me so deeply she couldn’t even bring herself to scream at me.

Hate I could deal with, but the silence?

Silence would break me. It had been four days since the non-wedding.

Four days of replaying every moment we’d had together.

I couldn’t imagine going forward and not having any new memories.

Was I really supposed to just accept that?

How in the hell was I supposed to just go on with only six weeks of memories?

The whole debacle was blasted all over the internet and in our social circles.

That was another reason I was in my self-imposed prison.

I didn’t want to see anyone. The vultures were circling.

The rumors were spreading. Her name was back in the press, and the stories weren’t kind.

How in the hell could they put this on her?

I had made it clear at the wedding that it was my fault.

But that didn’t stop the rumor mill. They were twisting it to blame Mina and her wild past. She couldn’t snare a man.

She wasn’t marriage material. She would never settle down.

I refused to let her take the heat. It was so unfair. So wrong. Mina was innocent in this failed marriage and her last. I needed people to hear me. Really hear me. I had to take the heat. It was the least I could do. I had to own my shit.

I opened social media. I hated it. I didn’t really know how to use it.

I could post but I just chose not to. I was not that interesting.

And the last thing I wanted was more people knowing my business.

Everything always got twisted. Most people knew me from tabloid coverage and my last name.

That was enough. I never wanted to be the guy sharing selfies and giving strangers a look into his day.

But I was out of options. I created a new account. Just my name, plain and simple. It took me a few seconds to figure out how to navigate the app. I should probably shave. Shower. Maybe brush my teeth.

“Fuck it.”

I didn’t care I looked like a man that had been through hell.

The red light blinked on. I stared straight into the lens.

“This is for one person,” I said, my voice hoarse from the excessive alcohol intake over the last couple of days. “And if you’re not her, I don’t really care what you have to say.”

I noticed the number of watchers was steadily increasing. I only cared if she saw the message. I had no doubt someone would make sure she did.

“Mina, if you’re watching this, this is for you. I’m sorry to make this public, but it’s the only way I can reach you.”

I ran a hand over my stubbled jaw, pressing the heel of my palm into my cheek like I could scrub the regret out through my skin. “I’m sorry.”

I swallowed and noticed the number of people watching was jumping by hundreds every few seconds.

My throat clenched. “I know you don’t owe me anything.

I know you’ve probably blocked me everywhere, and honestly, you should.

I fucked this up. All of it. I hurt you.

I lied. And the worst part is that I didn’t even mean to.

I didn’t go into this thinking I’d be dishonest, or cruel, or…

” I exhaled hard. “I didn’t think I’d fall in love with you. ”

The hearts on the side of the screen went berserk. I didn’t even glance at them.

“I’ve been trying to figure out how to say this for days.

Hell, maybe since the beginning. But I’m just going to say it.

From the start, your father was worried about you.

He thought you were in pain after what happened with that asshole.

He saw the pressure you were under, how much you were struggling, and he panicked.

That’s what this whole thing was. A panic.

A shitty plan dressed up as a favor. I know you don’t believe it, but he loves you. I love you.”

I stared down at the counter for a second, then back up directly into the camera.

“My father owed Hectar. So when Hectar asked my dad to talk to me, I said yes. I agreed to help .”

The word tasted like ash in my mouth.

“It started off simple. Just dates. Getting to know each other. There was never a guarantee of anything. The idea was that maybe we’d hit it off. Maybe we’d fall in love. Or close enough to fake it. And if we didn’t, no harm done. At least that’s what I told myself.”

I rubbed at my face again.

“But from the moment we had that first date, it was game over for me. You weren’t just someone’s daughter, or someone I had to charm. You were… you were it. Everything about you hooked me. Your laugh. Your temper. The way you don’t take shit from anybody, not even me.”

I smiled bitterly. “ Especially not me. I should’ve come clean.

I should’ve told you the truth the second I knew I was in too deep.

But I didn’t. And I hate myself for that.

Because you deserved honesty. You deserved someone who could protect you from that kind of betrayal.

Instead, I became the worst kind of coward. ”

I looked away for a second, heart pounding.

“Whatever people are saying about you is bullshit. For all of you watching right now, you’re wrong. All the bullshit going around is just that. I want everyone to know right now that none of it is true. Mina didn’t get cold feet. She didn’t run away. She didn’t lie. I did. ”

My jaw tightened with anger. Mina might not want me, but dammit, I was going to protect her the best way I could.

“She didn’t know. Not about the deal. Not about the favor.

Not about the arrangement. She walked into this thinking it was real.

And she made it real for me. She brought me to life in a way I didn’t even know I was missing.

So if anyone’s looking for someone to blame, you can blame me. I’ll take every ounce of it.”

I leaned in closer, staring directly into the camera.

“She deserves peace. Leave her alone.”

I blew out a slow breath.

“I don’t expect forgiveness. I’m not foolish enough to think I deserve it. But I wanted you to hear it from me, Mina. I’m really fucking sorry. And I hope, wherever you are, you’re okay.”

I ended the stream.

Within seconds, my phone started blowing up. Notifications from numbers I didn’t recognize. A call from Kent. A dozen texts from Zayn. Hayes. Hudson. Even Dad managed to send a “Call me immediately” message that I ignored.

I turned off my phone. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. The one person I wanted to talk to wasn’t going to be calling. That was fine. As long as she got my message. And people backed off.

My whole life, I’d been a master of keeping things surface level. I knew how to smile at cameras, how to play nice at galas, and how to charm people. Mina was the first person to smash through all those carefully constructed barriers I kept around myself.

When she and I connected, it was like lightning. My soul broke open and welcomed her in. I didn’t know how to do this. She was going to have my baby. How would we coparent if she hated me?

And I was going to be in my child’s life. I had to give Mina some time, but I wasn’t going to stay gone forever.