Page 17 of My End (Iron Fiends #10)

Stretch

I couldn’t sleep. Again.

I’d been off rotation for hours, and even though I’d tried to lay down, I still ended up pacing my damn room like a caged animal.

My sleep schedule was shot. Working night shifts, keeping eyes on Boone and Gibbs, ducking around cameras, playing a game I wasn’t even allowed to admit I was in…

it had fried whatever normal I had left.

So I ended up here. In the garden.

It was quiet. I rubbed a hand over my jaw, then reached for the lighter in my pocket. Lit a cigarette I didn’t even want because I just needed something to do with my hands.

The trees around the edge of the garden were shadows now. Black shapes swaying in the wind. Beyond them, the rest of the estate sprawled in cold silence. I could just barely hear the hum of security. A faint electrical buzz from the perimeter fence.

And behind me?

A house full of secrets.

I exhaled slowly. Smoke curled from my mouth like regret.

Tilly.

I hadn’t seen her all day since our kiss last night.

Fuck, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. The way she looked at me like I was something good, something real. I wasn’t. I was a liar. An infiltrator. A fucking wolf in sheep’s clothing.

But she made me feel like a man again. Like maybe there was still something left to salvage in me.

And then I’d told her to be careful.

Stupid. Stupid, stupid.

She didn’t know anything. And that was the damn point. Boone had kept her in the dark because he wanted to protect his image, not her. And now, now I was the one risking everything by letting myself get close.

I took another drag.

“Son of a bitch,” I muttered.

I shouldn’t have let her in my room.

I shouldn’t have kissed her.

I shouldn’t have wanted her.

But there I was, out in the garden, trying to convince myself I could do both, get close enough to take Boone and Gibbs down and keep Tilly untouched by the hellfire about to come crashing down.

Spoiler alert: I was failing on both fronts.

“Jake?”

Her voice hit me like a goddamn freight train.

I turned so fast I nearly dropped my cigarette.

Tilly stood at the edge of the garden path as the moonlight caught the pale sweep of her arms and the loose fall of her hair. She wore an oversized sweatshirt that hit her mid-thigh, and her legs were bare beneath it.

Her bare feet made no sound on the stone path.

She looked like a dream. A fever dream I hadn’t earned.

“You okay?” she asked gently.

I blinked. “You scared the shit outta me.”

She smiled. “You looked like you were thinking real hard. I didn’t want to interrupt.”

I flicked the cigarette into a planter and ran a hand down my face. “What are you doing out here?” I asked and tried to keep my voice low. Steady.

“I couldn’t sleep,” she said, and walked closer. “Thought maybe some fresh air would help.”

“You shouldn’t be out here alone.”

She tilted her head. “Are you gonna walk me back to my room?”

I gave a dry laugh. “Smartass.”

She shrugged. “Better than a dumbass.”

I turned back toward the rose bushes. I could feel her behind me, close but not touching.

“I’ve been thinking,” she said, voice softer now. “About what you said.”

My stomach clenched.

“That I should be careful.”

Fuck.

I glanced over my shoulder. Her eyes locked with mine.

“I didn’t mean to freak you out,” I said, forcing calm into my tone. “I just… Boone and Gibbs, they’ve got a lot riding on this campaign. Sometimes people get... tense.”

She crossed her arms. “You said that like a warning.”

I didn’t say anything.

“And then you kissed me like it might be the last time.”

That one hit me square in the chest.

She stepped in front of me now, with her hands loose at her sides. Her sweatshirt lifted just slightly in the breeze, baring more of her thighs.

“I liked kissing you, Jake.”

I swallowed hard. “Yeah?”

She nodded. “I’ve been wondering what it’d be like since I saw you.”

My body was already responding. Heart thudding. Blood roaring in my ears.

“Tilly…” I warned.

But she wasn’t backing off.

“You don’t scare me,” she whispered.

“You should be scared,” I growled and took a step closer. “I’m not a good guy. I’m not someone you should want.”

“You keep saying that, but then you keep looking at me like you want me more than air.”

My jaw flexed. “You don’t know what I’ve done.”

“Then tell me.”

“I can’t.”

“Then stop looking at me like that.”

I didn’t.

I couldn’t.

Instead, I reached for her. My fingers curled around her waist, and her breath caught in her throat. I dragged her to me in one hard movement, and when our mouths met, the world burned away.

It wasn’t a sweet kiss.

It was desperate. Starving. A week’s worth of tension spilling out between parted lips and aching hands.

Her fingers fisted in my shirt.

Mine gripped her hips, then slid up her sides, memorizing every curve through the thin cotton of her sweatshirt.

“I’ve been losing my goddamn mind over you,” I muttered against her lips.

“Then stop pretending you don’t want this,” she whispered.

“I shouldn’t want this.”

“But you do .”

I growled again and kissed her harder. She moaned into my mouth, and it damn near undid me.

She leaned back against the stone wall that lined the edge of the garden path and pulled me with her.

I braced a hand above her head, the other gripped her thigh.

Her eyes were heavy-lidded, and her lips swollen.

“You’re so much better than me,” I rasped.

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s true.”

She shook her head. “You’re just... Jake. And I like Jake.”

I stiffened for a second, and then I kissed her again, slower this time, letting myself get lost.

She tasted like warm summer nights and things I couldn’t have.

When we finally pulled apart, she leaned her forehead against my chest.

“I don’t want to stop,” she murmured.

“I know,” I said roughly. “But if we don’t stop, we’re not gonna stop until I’ve got you screaming my name in the middle of this garden.”

She laughed softly. “That sounds like a challenge.”

I closed my eyes. “Don’t tempt me, sweetheart.”

She stepped back. Barely. Just enough to breathe.

“Then maybe we should take a break,” she said. “Before we do something you’ll regret.”

I reached for her hand and lifted it to my lips. Kissed her knuckles.

“I wouldn’t regret you,” I said. “But I’d regret hurting you. Or putting you in the middle of something dangerous.”

Her brow furrowed. “Dangerous?”

I shook my head. “Just... stick close to me, okay? If something feels off, you come find me.”

She nodded slowly.

“Promise me, Tilly.”

“I promise.”

I stared down at her for another long second before stepping back.

“I should get some sleep,” I said, though we both knew I wouldn’t.

She smiled sadly. “Me too.”

I let her go and watched her walk away until she was back in the shadows.

Only when the garden was empty did I turn and lean against the wall.

I’d kissed her again.

Touched her.

Wanted her like I hadn’t wanted anything in years.

And now?

I had no choice but to end this. Soon. Or I’d take her down with me.

And I couldn’t live with that.