Page 6 of My Boyfriends Are All Monsters (Scared Sexy Collection #6)
Crane’s head fell to rest on my shoulder as he let out a small laugh. “Do you want me to carry you down?”
“No, just give me a moment to clean up and change out of these clothes, and I’ll meet you in the lobby.”
I heard Noah’s voice in the hall. “Before I forget, I ran into Caroline on her way to the bar, and I know she offered you the inn, but if customer service isn’t your style, there’s an old hobby farm that isn’t getting any use next to my land.
” He had paused by the doorway when he noticed Dr. Crane.
Noah grimaced before crossing his arms over his chest. “This guy bothering you?”
Rolling his eyes, Dr. Crane rose and strode over to the door before putting a hand on Noah’s face and shoving him out into the hall. The larger man fell over with a laugh. Before shutting the door behind him, Crane cast a glance back at me and said, “Don’t take too long.”
When he left, I tossed off my sweaty hiking clothes, hopped into the shower for a quick cleanse, and pulled out a simple yet clean T-shirt and jeans from my pack and dressed. My phone buzzed, and I saw a message from Jess asking for an update.
Jess: Report. Has the cult leader sacrificed you?
After shimmying the jeans over my hips, I sent a quick reply.
Lucy: Still alive. Everyone’s really nice except this weird fisherman that crawled out of the woods. The hot farmer guy brought me food, the hot doctor and I almost kissed, and I may have been gifted a B&B and/or hobby farm to run? Idk. Small town folks are weird. And horny, apparently.
Kira: What in the Stardew Valley?
Jess: I’m sorry, can we just go back to the weird fisherman that crawled out of the woods?
Kira: It’s Lucy, her life takes her on winding roads. Let’s focus on what’s important. Tell us about the almost kiss.
Scarlett: Yes agreed, we are here for hot doctor times. Tell me you’re gonna go for it.
Lucy: I want to, but I should probably call Mark first and officially break up right? Doesn’t seem right to just send a text.
Jess: . . .
Scarlett: Jess, get her. Get. Her .
The phone rang and I picked it up.
Jess’s voice bellowed so loud on the other end I had to hold it away from my ear. “ He left you on the side of the mountain !”
“So skip the decorum and just shoot a text? That’s not tacky? Maybe I’m rushing things, and he and what’s-her-face really are just friends. He might deserve another chance if that’s the case.”
“Ese pinche cabrón te dejó perdida y ?para qué? ?Para qué todavía quieras quedarte con él? No mames, con tus pendejadas.”
“I feel in my heart there was an insult for me in there somewhere.”
“Good!” she barked. “Here, let this drive that feeling home. ?Ninos, canten! ”
I could hear her sons singing the chorus to “You Oughta Know” by Alanis Morissette in every key but the right one.
“Has this man even checked in on you once since he left you stranded to set up tents with that friend ?” Jess asked over the singing. “You’ve been in that town for hours now!”
“I—”
“Of course he hasn’t,” she snapped. “ ?Ninos, canten más fuerte! ”
The children sang louder.
“Okay, damn, I get it. Don’t bring Alanis into this.”
“I will bring Alanis into this!” she hissed.
“Alanis had the right idea on how to act in a damn breakup. If there was ever a time to throw caution to the wind and make messy breakup decisions, it’s now.
Lucy, as your friend and as a mother of two who lives vicariously through you, we need this.
Fuck the doctor and text the idiot you’re done. Now.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I put the phone on speaker and pulled up Mark’s number. My thumb hovered over the “Call” button. I shook the insecurity from my thoughts and typed out a quick we’re done and hit “Send” before I could second-guess myself further. “Mission complete.”
“You bring honor to the family.”
“Dramatic ass,” I snorted. Laughter drew me to the window. Clusters of townsfolk meandered through the streets. “That’s odd.”
“What?” Jess asked.
“The streets were empty before I hopped in the shower. Now the sweets shop across the street has a line going out the door. Everyone outside is either a tall, heartbreakingly handsome man with incredible hair, an old woman in a hand-knitted shawl, or a golden retriever.”
“Is this some kind of retirement community for deliciously wealthy old ladies and their sugar babies?”
The fisherman’s warning rang in my ears. “I really hope it is, Jess. For my own sanity, I’m just going with that answer.”
“What else could it be?”
“A manifestation of a wish I tossed in a well.”
“A well you found in the wilderness?”
“It was a well in the wilderness, yes.”
She paused for a long breath. “I could slap you.”
“Mean.”
“And you ignored every ancestors’ warning and just tossed a coin down a well?” It wasn’t a question.
“Fuck. I should have gone with the creepy fisherman.”
“How about we stop following strange men into new places! Could we maybe give that a try?”
I squeezed my boob for comfort. “I’m trapped in some kinda illusion, about to get eaten by cannibals, or I’m already dead and this is purgatory. I don’t want to be dead.”
“Wait, why cannibals? What did the fisherman tell you?”
“A lotta vague, cryptic shit about wishes and getting eaten and not to touch the flowers.”
“What flowers?”
I sent her the picture I took.
“Lucy ... this is poison hemlock.”
“Oh, is that what hemlock looks like?”
Everyone in town stopped to look at me. My body froze. I felt the phone slip through my fingers as Jess called my name. It landed on the carpet with a dull thud that felt more like thunder in the quiet stillness. Then, all at once, they asked, “Say it again?”
The townsfolk slowly stepped toward my window, as if in a trance.
I screamed and curled up into a ball next to the bed. Footsteps pounded up the stairs, but I was far too busy crashing out to do a damn thing about that. I buried my face in my knees and rocked back and forth.
Noah and Dr. Crane burst into the room and rushed toward me. I backed farther against the wall and screamed, “Stay away!”
Both men fell to their knees on the floor. Eyes pleading, they asked in unison, “Say it again?”
“Say what?”