Page 21

Its been almost 2 weeks since my date with angelica.

I still think about it and how amazing and natural it felt being with her, how perfectly her hand fits in mine, how our lips feel like theyre made to connect like a jigsaw puzzle, how our laughs together sound like a rhythmic song, its like we were made for each other.

Everytime I think about her and being with her, happy, it all comes crashing down on me with the thought of Mateo.

I dont know if I can keep doing this, the guilt is eating me alive. I'm the head of the Italian mafia, i kill people in horrible gruesome ways and show no remorse, feel no guilt, yet this? This whole situation is weighing me down heavily with guilt and its a horrible feeling.

I pace around my office with a glass of whisky in my hand, almost the entire bottle gone and yet I can still feel.

I can still feel everything, the weight of everything on top of me, no amount of alcohol will make it go away I know that, the only thing that could make it go away is. ..to end things with angelica.

The thought of that fills me with anger, I can feel my blood boil at the thought of not touching her or kissing her or being the reason she smiles and laughs.

Seeing her in my house every single day and acting like everything's okay and back to normal when all I really want to do is pull her close to me and kiss her.

I down my last glass of whisky, the strong bitter taste burning my throat for the last time today.

Maybe its for the best that I end things with angelica before it can turn into something more.

not just because of Mateo but because the life I live is too dangerous.

I become her boyfriend and then what? She gets a target on her back or a bounty on her head?

And it wouldn't happen once, if she even survives it the first time it will happen again and again, I cant put her through that, I cant put her fucking life in danger because of my own selfish feelings.

After a few minutes I relax a little and look down at my hand, still throbbing in pain.

blood pours from a big gash in my palm, its pretty deep but not enough to need stitches.

I go to my cabinet and grab one of the many first aid kits we use to treat gun wounds and pull out a bandage, wrapping it around my hand as tight as I can. I need to see angelica.

I head to my car ignoring Ivan's questions about the banging and the blood on my hand, and drive home as fast as possible.

The rain pours aggressively and I can barely see the road in front of me but I push on, trying to avoid getting into an accident.

I pull up to the house and freeze at the door, am I really about to do this?

Lose the girl I'm head over heels for? Lose the girl I. ..I love?

Before I can turn back and forget all of this the door swings open, angelica, fuck.

Shes peeking around the door with a kitchen knife in her hand clearly scared but when she sees me she relaxes instantly ''Oh my god Dante you scared me!

'' I dont say anything, I cant find the words to say anything ''Dante?

'' she places the knife down on the table beside the door and walks towards me and I instinctively back away ''Dante whats wrong?

'' the worry in her eyes breaks me, I dont think I can do this.

She tries to reach for my arm but I back away once again, her eyes fill with hurt as she looks at me and i can see shes confused.

I try to walk away but she grabs my arm making me turn around.

The sight of her breaks me more than anything, shes in shorts and a tshirt in the pouring rain, clearly freezing and wet, tears falling from her eyes making her face red and puffy and its all my fault ''angelica go back inside'' I try to push her back towards the door but she doesnt budge, she just shakes her head violently at me ''no.

No! I'm not going anywhere Dante. Why are you doing this! ''

Her skin is cold as ice, covered in goose bumps and she shivers intensely but still refuses to move.

I dont respond to her, I just try and guide her back inside but she pushes me away causing me to stumble back slightly ''d-did I do something?

Are you mad at me?...'' her whispered voice shatters my heart completely and all I want to do is pull her close to me and hold her ''angel.

..no...you didn't do anything wrong sweetheart I just-'' I can feel the tears finally spilling from my eyes ignoring my attempts to hold them back. I cant keep it together any longer.

She doesnt. I lift her chin up so shes looking at me and i give her a small smile, but I dont get one back.

Her eyes are full of tears and hurt, the sparkle thats normally in them is gone ''angelica.

..i didn't mean a single word I said. I saw things were going well for us and i-i panicked and decided to fuck it up. I'm so so sorry''

Angel stands in front of me in nothing but her underwear and I feel a lump forming in the throat, ''angel.

..'' before I can say anything else she starts unbuttoning my shirt and slowly slides it off me ''angel stop'' she stops dead in her tracks, her hands hovering over me and a sad expression on her face ''I'm sorry I-I-''I cup her face in my hands and kiss her forehead ''youre not ready for that angel.

I dont want you to feel rushed okay?''