Page 17 of My Best Friend’s Earl (Bluestocking Booksellers #2)
Ask Caro about the dinner party we discussed
Pay and file invoices from vendors
Ask for help: how to stop these feelings
I ’ve created a bit of a sticky situation for myself and could benefit from some advice.”
Caro and Hattie froze with their hands hovering over the tray of sweet treats as they glanced at each other, then turned their attention to Constance.
“Define sticky , darling,” Caro said.
“On a scale of running away from the altar, to burying a body, how sticky is this situation?” Hattie laughed when both cousins gaped at her. “What? You’re a whirlwind, Connie. It’s only a matter of time until we’re called on to move a body.”
Caro bit into a lemon biscuit and shrugged, clearly not inclined to argue the point. “Should that day come, I fully believe it would be an accident or a crime of passion.”
Hattie bobbed her head. “Absolutely. Nothing premeditated.”
While they laughed, Constance mustered a smile. It was on the tip of her tongue to ask for clarification. Did they think she wouldn’t plot someone’s demise due to a lack of murderous urges, or because of an inability to think ahead and stick to a plan?
She suspected it was the latter. Ironic, given her current situation, which resulted from a plan she’d concocted and was seeing through.
Given how uncomfortable Caroline had been in recent weeks, as the end of her pregnancy drew near, it was nice to hear her laugh so freely. Even if it was at Connie’s expense.
Besides, her cousins didn’t mean any harm with their teasing—Constance believed that to her bones.
Hattie and Caroline would never hurt her on purpose.
Should she push back on the topic, they’d blink confusedly from their place atop a lifetime of evidence, anecdotes, and amusing stories involving Constance’s ever-changing interests, difficulty being punctual, and inability to remember a damn thing unless she wrote it down.
It wasn’t worth making a fuss over. Not when anyone who knew her would agree she was a whirlwind. Hell, Connie agreed with them. Because despite the enthusiastic attention she gave some things, other arguably more important items collected dust in dark corners of her brain.
So she forced a laugh. “If I ever accidentally killed someone, I wouldn’t need help being rid of the body. I’d probably walk away for a moment, forget what I was doing, then go along my merry way.”
Once Caro and Hattie’s giggles subsided somewhat, she returned to the matter at hand.
“I would welcome your advice, though. You see, there’s a man—” Another pause to let her cousins finish their theatrical groans.
“I know what it sounds like, but whatever you’re thinking is not the case, I promise. ”
“Darling, I’ll wish you happy as long as his name isn’t James.
Hattie, do you remember that summer when everyone she flirted with was named James?
” Caro wiped a tear of mirth from her cheek and reached for her cup of tea.
“It was impossible to keep them straight. I think she rejected every James between here and Bristol.” Straightening on the couch made her wince and press a hand against the side of her belly.
A moment later, the discomfort passed, and she sipped her tea as if nothing had happened.
“Although it has been a while since you’ve mentioned a man. ”
Hattie scrunched her nose. “You’re right. I thought she’d sworn off the lot and forgotten to tell us.” Like a bug beneath a magnifying glass, Constance squirmed under her cousins’ scrutiny. “Connie, you haven’t fancied anyone in a while. Why is that?”
Because running away from her own wedding had broken her parents’ hearts.
Their shared look of disappointment in the church on that awful morning, silently commiserating over their daughter once again flitting away from something—or someone—she’d claimed she wanted.
Except this time their embarrassment took place in front of friends and family, and involved the wasted expense of a wedding.
No wonder they didn’t trust her with the future of Martin House.
After serious thought, Constance decided that morning that she simply needed to try harder.
Especially given what was at stake. If she made a schedule and stuck to it, there would be specific times in which she’d address the mind-numbing paperwork side of the business.
As an intelligent adult, there was no reason she couldn’t commit to a schedule.
Then, her parents would see how dependable she was, and she’d never have to leave the only home she’d ever known.
Shoving those worries aside, Constance forced her attention back to their conversation. “I’m not involved with someone.”
“You’d like to be,” Caro guessed.
“Absolutely not. While I recognize the signs of a budding aw-awareness…” Her tongue stuttered over the word. “I don’t want it to grow into a full-blown attraction. We all know how that ends. Besides, he’s entirely unsuitable.”
“Well now, I’m intrigued.” Caro wiggled her eyebrows.
Constance forged on ahead. “Neither of you ever experienced the ups and downs of relationships as I have. You both seem to have this innate ability to nip inconvenient romantic interest in the bud. Whereas I jump in without thinking. I act impetuously, believing in the moment that because my motives and feelings are pure, all will be well.” Anxious energy made her stomach churn, and she feared she might vomit as her mind offered up a parade of memories from the many, many times she’d chosen foolishly in the past. “Please, teach me how to dampen this feeling before I act, well, like myself, and let it run away with my head. Again.”
Caro shifted on the couch with a wince. “For one thing, I think you’re being awfully hard on yourself.
As you said, at the time, your intentions were good.
To answer your question… I had my reasons for avoiding romantic entanglements and acted accordingly with every man I met until Dorian.
He was impossible to ignore, despite being unsuitable and inconvenient, because he was the right man.
Might I ask, who has caught your attention after so long? ”
Constance picked at a dry bit of skin on her cuticle, refusing to look at her friends.
“His name isn’t important. Although, let the record state, it’s not James.
” When they laughed, she smiled, still avoiding their eyes.
“Besides, I’m asking for ways to ensure I never think of him in that way again.
I won’t let history repeat itself—Can you imagine? ”
If she were to give in to those fizzy feelings from Southwyn’s study, what followed after would be so horribly familiar.
She’d think of him constantly, obsessing over whether he returned her regard.
Then, once she’d charmed her way close to him, she would realize he wasn’t what she wanted after all, and she’d look like a fool all over again.
Except this time, it would be with an earl, of all things, as well as Dorian’s oldest friend.
Mortification rang clear in the sound she made—an almost-laugh that wobbled when she shook her head emphatically.
“It would be courting disaster. Besides, there’s no one worse matched for him than me.
” As bitter as the words tasted on her tongue, they were the truth.
“Caro, your advice is to remember my reasons for avoiding romance. What say you, Hattie? Any words of wisdom?”
Hattie wrinkled her nose. She resembled one of those little dogs they sometimes spied in Mayfair that wheezed with each breath, whose eyes bulged when they grew excited. As the comparison wasn’t terribly flattering to her cousin, Constance kept the thought to herself.
Hattie finally shrugged. “I don’t trust men; thus, I don’t want one.
What Caro said bears repeating. We are different people, Connie.
I avoid the fickle beasts entirely. Caro made up perfect men and wrote about them until a real-life man proved to be her own personal hero.
You’re not like us. You have always been this effervescent, beautiful creature, eagerly sharing your enthusiasm with everyone around you.
Until Walter, you craved romance, so you sought it out.
If you no longer want a relationship, I understand.
However, something you said just now needs addressing. ”
Hattie held their attention. “You said there’s no one worse matched for him than you.
And that, my dear, is incorrect. Your generous nature and open heart would be a gift to anyone.
If he’s too foolish to value that, it’s a reflection on him.
Not you. Now, if you recognize that he’s either unavailable or undesirable as a partner, then you’re right to distance yourself.
Every time he crosses your mind, tell yourself why he’s not right for you, then go do something else. ”
The kindness and calm confidence with which Hattie spoke soothed parts of Constance that she hadn’t realized were tender. “Thank you. That’s very helpful. Both of you.”
Again, the memory of Lord Southwyn, rumpled and exhausted, sprawling on the carpet of his study rose in her mind.
Instead of smiling or sinking into the details of how he’d looked, she silently listed all the reasons she didn’t want him.
He’s engaged to someone else. He is so stuffy; you gave him a nickname to reflect that.
Of course, he relaxed rather deliciously.
In fact, it wasn’t until he loosened his death grip on manners and propriety that this damned attraction flared to life.
She caught herself, then shook her head to clear it.
Clearly, this technique required practice to master.
Since seeing Southwyn with his kitten, he’d lingered in her mind the way favorite passages of the books she read over and over again stuck with her, evoking predictable feelings each time.
But, like details of a novel faded over time, this would too.