Carson
Carson
S ince it’s no secret that I only tackle hard conversations with sweets, I buy a half dozen donuts before picking up Fred from Mason’s. He’s quiet on the short drive through the ranch.
When we get to the house, I show him the box. “I want us to chat about something, so I bought these.”
He grabs his duffel bag. “Okay. I’ll throw this in my room first. Did I do something wrong?”
“Not at all.” I make myself coffee and pour him a glass of milk.
Milk makes me think of lactose, which has me thinking about Daphne.
Again. She’s in my thoughts constantly, but with time, that’ll change.
Hopefully. It’s not that I don’t want to think about her.
I actually like it. The ache that accompanies it is what I don’t like.
He eyes me as he drops into a chair. “What are we going to talk about?”
“Did you have fun at Mason’s?”
“Yeah. I did. I guess I kind of missed hanging out with him.” Fred chooses a donut covered in sprinkles. “Did you have fun on your date?”
“We broke up. That’s what I wanted to tell you.”
He blinks, then sets the donut down. “Because of me?”
I don’t want to lie to him, but I also don’t want him to carry blame. He doesn’t need that. “It was complicated. You aren’t to blame.”
He tears off a chunk of donut and pops it in his mouth. “Are you okay?”
“Oh yeah.” That’s a lie. I am far from okay, but I’ll get there eventually. “And because she’s friends with Rose and Dallas, Daphne might be around the ranch at parties. When she is, be nice to her, okay?”
“Did she break up with you?” Fred pulls his shoulders back, a defensive edge in his voice.
I pick up the lemon-filled donut. “That’s not what happened.”
“But you liked her.” Fred is not letting this go.
The truth needs to be said. I meet his gaze. “You kept saying you were fine, but it seemed to me like you weren’t happy that I was dating. You are important to me. And I ended the relationship with Daphne because being your dad is more important.”
Tears brim in his eyes, but he doesn’t say a word. He finishes his donut in silence. Then when his glass is empty, he gets up and shoves his hands in his pockets. “Thanks for the donuts.”
“You’re welcome. Do you and Mason have big plans today?”
“We were going to help you with chores, and maybe go fishing after that.”
“Great. I’ll head for the barn in about five to ten minutes.” I gather the dishes and walk to the sink.
Behind me, Fred whispers, “I love you, Dad.”
I turn around to respond, but he’s gone.
Clint is assigning duties for the day as we have breakfast. And I’m watching the clock so that I can have Fred at the bus stop on time.
Clint points at me. “After the kids get off to school, I want you and Kent to ride the fences on the other side of the river. Parker will get horses ready for y’all. We’ll be moving the herd across the river in the next day or so, and I’d rather not have to chase them all over everywhere.”
“Alright.” I slug down the rest of my coffee.
It’s been three days since I saw Daphne, and I’m faking being okay pretty well. Working makes it easier. It’s the nighttime that’s the hardest.
Poppy motions for the boys to go to her. “I’m headed into town, so I’ll take you to school. Fred, do you have your bag?”
“It’s at the house.”
“We’ll run by there. Mason, you ready?”
“Yes, ma’am.” He swings around and waves at the rest of us. “Bye.”
A chorus of goodbyes rings out as they leave the mess hall.
I text Poppy a quick thank-you, then clear my plate. “Kent, want to ride with me to the horse barn?”
“Sure. No sense in taking up two spots over there.” He grabs his hat off the rack near the door.
I don’t have to wonder if he knows about the breakup because as soon as we’re in the truck and rolling, he says, “Fred told Mason that you and Daphne broke up. I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Yeah.”
He shoots me a side glance. “Was it because of Fred and his mood shift?”
“I need to focus on being a dad right now.” Of all the people out here, Kent should understand. At least I hope he does.
His brow furrows. “When Poppy and I had a falling out—I can’t even call it a breakup because we were just friends—I was a mess on the inside but tried to hide it from Mason.
Keeping up a brave face is exhausting, so whenever you need a break or a listening ear, call me.
I’ve been where you are. Circumstances were different, but the thoughts constantly on repeat in your head, wondering if things would be different if you’d done this or that are the same, I’m betting. ”
I nod. “There’s been a lot of wondering. Mason clearly loves Poppy, and I was hoping that Fred would see that too and be open to the idea of Daphne.”
“It’s hard to know what festers in those guys’ brains sometimes. And it’s hard waking up one morning and taking on the role of Dad. You’ve done a great job.”
“I don’t really feel like I have. If he trusted me, dating wouldn’t be an issue. But whenever I tried to talk to him, he kept saying everything was fine when it clearly wasn’t.”
We pause the conversation when we get to the barn. Parker has two horses saddled and ready. And Kent and I start riding toward the bridge.
“Mason was happy to have Fred over again.”
“Fred missed him. I’m glad he’s not isolating himself as much.” I scan the fence line, looking for any damaged posts and broken wires. “How’s Clara? She’s a bundle of energy these days.”
“So busy. She’s a mini of Poppy, which I love.
And watching how good Mason is with her sometimes makes me want to cry.
As silly as that sounds. When I took a job at the ranch, I expected to be alone forever.
Life did not work out that way.” He points at a stretch of wire that’s come detached from the posts.
“How things are today might not be how they are in six months.”
I mark the spot in my map app. “True, but I’m trying to live in the present and not just be hoping that things will be different in the future.”
“Makes sense.”
During the rest of the ride, we’re focused on the fences. And Kent doesn’t say anything more about Fred or Daphne.