Page 9 of More, Daddy (Bluebell Bruisers #3)

CHAPTER

SIX

I didn’t tell Leah that I opened up to DaddysGirl about my divorce, or that she’s going to reveal her own dating life.

But sharing my divorce with her feels seismic, like a quiet pact that solidifies our commitment to growing closer.

For me, it catapults our connection into uncharted territory—where trust weaves us together, scary and exciting.

The guys don’t even know the details about my divorce.

My meal prep spins lazily in the microwave as the green digital clock counts down.

When I was married, I loved cooking. Trying new recipes, feeding my wife the first bite, gauging her reaction, knowing how to alter the recipe the next time—it was a process that brought me pride and joy, and giving her what she needed brought another level of satisfaction to cooking.

I stopped cooking when I moved to Bluebell, and I’m on five solid years of ordering out. When I have no one to cook for, cooking seems like a waste of energy.

After the ding, I pull my tray of meat and vegetables out, grab a beer from the fridge, and settle into my couch. With a sports game playing on the TV, I open my laptop, and navigate to the open tab with Veiled waiting.

Before she writes a message, she sends a picture, one that I have to accept.

It’s a plate with chicken on it, tossed in a colorful sauce, some broccolini, too—steamed and soft, with some sesame noodles alongside. Her written message comes next.

DaddysGirl

Eating dinner. If you are too then it’s a dinner date!

I look down at my sad tray of microwaved food and decide to skip the photo.

Suede0989

It’s a dinner date then. I’ve got my dinner and beer here.

My heart races as my fingers hover over the keys, unsure if I should even be doing this.

I’m not the type to make confessions, spill secrets, or lay my thoughts bare, but she’s got me in a grip I can’t shake.

I’ve found myself doing things I never thought I would—things I didn’t even know I could do. Like confess this.

Suede0989

I told someone I’m very close with about you today

My comment is toeing toward the water, itching for a feel, a quick, tease of more. It feels risky and daring. I reread my own words, hammering them out in my mind until they become harmless and innocuous. Until they read as something other than I’m obsessed with you and talked about you today .

Her dots jump, and finally her message appears.

DaddysGirl

What did you tell them?

I drink half my beer in one gulp to ease the uncomfortable sting in my throat.

Suede0989

That I have been talking to a woman online, and I’m developing feelings. That we’re taking it slow.

DaddysGirl

How do you feel about taking it slow?

Suede0989

I think it’s smart

Another selfish part of me hates it

DaddysGirl

Why?

She knows why. The same reason why I hate it has to be the same reason why she hates it, too, right?

Suede0989

Does any part of you hate taking it slow?

DaddysGirl

You can’t answer a question with a question

Suede0989

Come on. Tell me I’m not alone in feeling anxious to speed things up with us. Even though we keep talking about taking it slow.

I reread my sentence, almost wishing it had disappeared before I had the chance to send it, because it makes me sound so crass, so horny that I can’t hardly get to know a woman first because I need to fuck so badly.

Well, virtual fuck.

I must come off as pathetic and needy. The worst part of all of that?

It’s true. I am that guy. Normally I can be the guy that can go slow for months, but with DaddysGirl I’m just…

not. I’m trying, and I will try my hardest with her.

Something about her makes me want to try harder, all around.

And the pathetic, horny and needy part? I am those things, too—but I’m not primarily those things.

I’m more, and so is she, and I’m trying my goddamn hardest to remember that. It’s just so exciting to finally feel like I have someone, in some form.

DaddysGirl

You’re not alone

I wish we were at the finish line together, right now

But I still think it’s smart to go slow

Suede0989

I think you’re probably right about that.

DaddysGirl

We stick to our plan

The fact that we have a plan. We have something. Together. It gives me a thrill.

Suede0989

I came prepared to divulge.

How about you? Do I get to know DaddysGirl’s dating history?

DaddysGirl

You first

I crack my knuckles, feeling none of the discomfort I felt when I had to come clean to Leah.

And I was full of whiskey and draft beer then, too.

But talking to DaddysGirl is effortless, maybe because she’s faceless?

Maybe because a screen provides a nice barrier?

I don’t know. But pouring it out this time feels so much easier, and I’m far less attached to the pain of those memories.

Suede0989

We met after college and got engaged two years after that

Six years ago we had been married for four years, with two years in before

Six and four and two is twelve. I lick my lips and type what I’m thinking.

Suede0989

Retelling this is making me sound very, very old

DaddysGirl

Spring chicken?

Suede0989

I won’t go that far, but I’m not old

DaddysGirl

I believe you, Daddy

Instinctively, I reach for my cock as I read her reply.

Fuck. It’s her second time casually playing with the word, but she has to know what she’s doing.

She has to. She’s tossing out a tied rope, looping it lazily around my neck while wearing an intoxicating smile, acting as if one tug won’t turn her lasso into my noose, as if one tug won’t make me hers forever.

Suede0989

Thank you

I don’t hit send. Instead, I type a comma, then find myself writing

Suede0989

Thank you, sweet girl

And then, not to draw attention to the line we’ve just driven over in a lifted fucking SUV with our headlights on and the stereo blaring, I continue on.

Suede0989

It was about the time to talk about having kids and we always wanted to be younger parents.

That’s when I thought I’d finally open up to her about what I wanted.

I hate this part. I hate explaining what I like because it always comes down to this. It always comes down to me having to explain that I want to be a father and just because I have a kink involving being a dirty, domineering daddy, doesn’t mean I’m confusing actual fatherhood with daddydom.

It makes me feel sick to explain it. It makes me sick to think people could look at me and think I'm sick.

I hate having this kink. I hate how much I need it, how hot it gets my blood, how rock hard it turns my cock, how much I fucking come when I have a stellar roleplay scene.

I would give my left nut to have something else.

Piss kink. The desire to get on all fours and trail after a woman on my hands and knees. Be dominated. Spit on. Humiliated.

I’d take any of those, because for whatever reason, those things garner less skepticism and judgement.

When DaddysGirl replies, her response is exactly what I needed. It’s everything, and a warbled little grunt slips past my lips as I blink at the screen, grateful for her maturity.

DaddysGirl

You thought if you became a father, then told her about your kink, that she’d conflate the two?

Suede0989

I was worried, yes.

Kinks, if you don’t have them, are often and easily misunderstood

DaddysGirl

I agree but

If you love someone, doesn’t that mean loving what gets them going, just to see the adoration and passion in their eyes when you share that thing together?

Sorry - not trying to hijack the conversation

So you wanted to tell her before you started trying for kids

I thought the same about my kink when I told my ex-wife. I mean, I didn’t expect her to embrace me with open arms right away. I knew it would take time. Or so I thought.

What I didn’t expect was betrayal and humiliation. Then again, no one gets married expectant of those things. Who would?

Suede0989

I’d waited so long to bring it up, but the longer I went without it, the more detached I had begun to feel. So I explained it to her - that I had a need I’d been suppressing, mostly out of fear, but that I needed to come clean about it now, before we grow our family

She agreed to look into it and read up on it online, to better understand it

DaddysGirl

I know that I found you through your checked interest, as we’ve already established

But for the sake of getting this memory of you and your ex-wife right, can you tell me how you explained it to her ?

My throat, already dry, bobs as I attempt to force a swallow.

The back of my neck is damp, and my stomach twists in on itself as I remember that night.

Pris was at the bar, sitting on one of those ugly rattan barstools she insisted we register for.

She had a glass of red wine in one hand, her phone in the other, the oven preheating in the background.

I told her I wanted to talk. I told her I felt bad for hiding this for so long.

She grew concerned, and I saw worry in her eyes that I’d never seen before.

And when I saw those thick etches of fear, those heavy blinks of concern, I felt relieved; relieved that what I was going to tell her was just a sexual kink that I’d been guarding.

I got to knock the weight off of her shoulders that my big thing wasn’t bad—it wasn’t an affair, or insider trading, or something nefarious at all.

I’d be able to laugh and say, it’s simply my sexual kink that I’d felt ashamed of but want to share with you now.

And then she’d put her hand on her collarbone and exhale her concerns, and smile.

That’s what I thought would happen.

But that’s not what happened.

Suede0989