Page 20 of MOM

"I don't know what to say," I confess.

"You don't have to say anything." He swipes the soft pad of his thumb delicately along my cheekbone. "But we'll get through this. Together."

15

One month later…

Rocky

Funny what some time, being cleared by the FCC, and a little 'fake' dating can do to a guy.

The past four weeks have been a whirlwind of serious meetings with the upper echelons of MoM management and lawyers, alongside strategically planned public outings with Decker designed to attract media buzz, followed by the most private, most intimate, most divine sexual experiences I've ever had.

The dickslip incident is firmly in the past—well, asin the pastas it can be.I'veput it behind me, even if new memes and GIFs seem to pop up every few days, and I'm still fielding inquiries from porn studios looking to capitalize on my exposure and cast me in a scene.

What matters most is that I, and MoM, have been cleared by the FCC, and I'm back competing again. There's some uncertainty about how my six-week absence from the tournament will impact my rankings since nothing like this has ever happened in MoM's history, but that's a secondary concern for me. If I have to work my ass off to win every single round until the finale to claw my way back up the leaderboard, then that's what I'll do.

I feel invincible, like I can do anything. And it's all because of one person.

My 'fake' boyfriend.

My fake boyfriend who I want to make my real boyfriend more than I've wanted anything in my life. I thought I had drive and determination when it came to bodybuilding, but my needto turn what Decker and I have into something real eclipses even that.

He seems to be on board…for the most part. His objections about needing to keep things professional have dwindled away, but there's still something holding him back. I don't know if it's something to do with me, or whether it's his own stuff.

Uncertainty like this would normally bother me, but with Decker it doesn't. We're communicating well, and I trust that when the time is right, and he feels safe with me and strong enough within himself, he'll bring it up.

Whatever it is.

"That went well," he says as we step into my condo.

We've just returned from having a drink at Catch LA in WeHo, a buzzy rooftop celeb hangout, and a magnet for paparazzi waiting out front.

"You've done an amazing job rehabbing my image," I say, toeing off my shoes and dumping my wallet and keys into the mid-century timber tray atop the entry console.

"Getting cleared by the FCC helps," he replies, humble as always.

"I wasn't only referring to that." I close the distance separating us, loving how being close to him feels so natural. I comb my fingers through his soft, blond curls. "I was reading some comments on Instagram."

"Never a good idea."

I smile. "I agree. But I was waiting around and kinda bored. Anyway, people seem to be digging us."

His hand finds its way to my chest. "You don't say."

"We're very believable as a couple apparently. Any thoughts on why that might be? I'm eager to hear yourprofessionalopinion."

He rests his forearms against my shoulders and opens his mouth as if to say something, but nothing comes out. The shine in his eyes dims, and he moves away from me.

I follow him into the living room. "Hey, what just happened?"

He strides over to the window and looks out. I stay by the coffee table, sensing he might want some space. A heavy silence falls over the room, but I don't push, giving him time to work through whatever is going on with him.

"I was going to answer your question with something like: because despite starting off as a fake relationship, it feels real to me."

"It feels real to me, too," I say quietly, hoping to reassure him without pulling the focus onto me. This moment is about him.

He lets out a shaky breath. "But I can't be with you, Rocky. Not for real, anyway. Not until…" He collapses onto the couch like he's got the weight of the world on his shoulders.