Page 68 of Moist!
chapter two
OVERLY MOIST
“Hello,” he says, cocking an eyebrow as he tilts his head down to give me the same once-over I’d just given him. “My name is Ulthuri, of the Zarq people.”
His voice? Like a damn icicle. Deep, cool, and sexy—cuts right through the heat and lands squarely in my ovaries.
He stares at me expectantly. His jaw is chiseled and sharp, the green tone of his skin lightening a bit on his face. Ulthrui’s lips are full and give way to his strong, almost Roman nose under a heavy brow. Maybe the ancient Greeks confused aliens for gods, because I can see the resemblance.
Of course I let one too many beats pass in total silence before finally sputtering, “June. Of Earth.”
Except I am hella flustered and it comes out sounding like Earf. Cool cool cool.
“Human?” He squints a little.
“Oh yeah. Yep. Human is me. One hundred percent Grade A Earth woman right here.”
Please end me. Take away my voice box, for the love of god and the good of the galaxy.
The broad planes of his face light up as he casually slips a hand into the pocket of his aggressively tight shorts. Being the perv that I am, my gaze drops right to the situation happening in that region.
I’m only human, after all.
“I’ve never met anyone from your solar system. Let alone a real human.” He sounds excited, which seems… promising?
“Yeah! I guess I’m the first Earth girl on Star-Crossed Match . That’s kind of cool, right?”
“Amazing,” he says, holding out his hand.
Three fingers. Doesn’t even faze me. Mostly because I’m distracted by how his skin feels—shiny, slick, and not just sparkly but glossy. Like some weird hybrid of Vaseline and baby oil. I’m intrigued… and also lightly moisturized now.
Ulthuri flinches a little at the touch.
“You’re so… dry.”
At least he looks more concerned than disgusted. That counts for something, right?
“Well, maybe you’re just… overly moist,” I say, half laughing, half praying this isn’t going to be a hygiene dealbreaker. Although, honestly? I could think of a few situations where the slickness might come in handy.
“I mean, it doesn’t bother me!” he adds quickly and flustered, which—okay, fucking cute. What does he have to be flustered about? He looks like a sexy swamp god. “I just meant… will you be comfortable? In here?” He gestures behind him at the thick mist.
“I mean, parts of Earth are like this.” I shove down the sudden, visceral flashback of chub rub on day three of a Disney World family trip. “It’s not my normal, but I can handle it.”
“I’d like to see you handle things,” he murmurs, that icy voice wrapping around me. His slick fingers tighten around mine just enough to make my face betray every thought in my head.
I hear the soft whir of one of those little orb-cams zooming in for my close-up. Perfect. Now the entire viewership can watch me spiral in high-def. I stare dead into the lens, full-on breaking the fourth wall like I was on The Office: Alien Edition .
He isn’t actually flirting with me already, is he?
Things hadn’t moved this fast on the show since that one episode with the couple whose spawning cycles aligned. They basically went at it the second the door opened. I instinctively scan Ulthuri’s back for rogue egg sacs. All clear, thank fuck.
As we walk deeper into the biosphere, the lighting shifts from a bright spotlight to a moody amber mist. I have no idea where the Zarq people live, but right now it was giving space bayou, complete with a winding dock and marshland full of blue and teal alien flowers.
Like Earth wildflowers, but about 10% more beautiful than the flora I was used to.
After a leisurely few minutes, we finally reach the couch.
The overstuffed one from every episode. I dart ahead and flop down cross-legged, only to immediately regret it as the hem of my shorts cut into my thighs like I’m a human tube of biscuit dough about to pop.
Instinctively, I grab the nearest throw pillow and clutch it to my stomach like a shield of dignity.
“Don’t do that,” he says, gently taking the pillow from me. “I like your softness. No sense hiding it from me.” He is whispering now, letting his slick glittery fingers leave a trail across my thigh in a way that felt very much not accidental.
I gulp.
He likes my curves.