Page 79 of Modern Romance September 2025 5-8

He would tell her. However hard it was to admit. To thrust the words into her ears and have her know.

She had a right to know who she had made love to in New York.

She had a right to know who the man was she shared her bed with now.

He opened his eyes, and he hid nothing from her. He let her look into his eyes and see the man he was.

Unworthy.

‘The house was full. All the rooms were occupied, and the others who didn’t have rooms spilt into the lounge, the kitchen,’ he told her, and he let the images bloom to life in his head. The open sex. The depravity.

‘Our room was at the top of the house this time,’ he continued.

‘It was a beautiful house. In a neighbourhood where no one would ever expect such ugliness to live. Unlittered and privileged, the neighbourhood was picturesque. All of it was. All but our house. But our room had a lock. And I wanted to get out. I wanted to breathe the night’s air…

Needed to paint, to draw, do something with my hands. ’

He looked down at them. The hands trembling before him. ‘To create the images I never found in life. Images of softness, of hope. And so I left her. I left Amelia sleeping in our room. I locked the door so no one would hurt her. I locked the door to keep her safe. I left, and I took the key…’

‘Sebastian…’ She cried openly now. Big, rolling tears dripped from the tip of her beautiful chin.

He had to stop her tears.

In the end, she would not pity him.

‘I stayed out for an hour, no more…’

‘The fire,’ she said, and faster her tears fell.

His blood turned to ice. It ran into his bones. Threatened to shatter them to nothing but dust.

‘When I came back… The house was gone. It was nothing but smoke and ash. Some survived. They stood with firemen or sat inside ambulances. But Amelia was gone. The top of the house… It was still smoking. She was… dead .’

Aurora swiped at her cheeks with the backs of her hands. And then she looked at him, her chest moving up and down as rapidly as his own. She lifted her arms and held them wide. ‘Come to me,’ she said.

‘I will not.’

‘Come to me,’ she demanded again, and his body ached with his resistance to fall into her arms.

‘I do not want your pity,’ he growled. ‘I do not deserve it.’

‘You deserve everything,’ she corrected him.

‘Have you heard nothing ?’

‘I heard every word,’ she said, still holding those dainty arms open for him.

‘You were a child taking care of his sister in a house that should never have existed with children inside it. But you existed. Both of you did. And you made that existence bearable for your sister because you loved her. And you wanted a moment for yourself, and you did what you thought was right. You tried to keep her safe.’

‘And I failed.’

‘Your mother failed you. From the moment you were born, from the moment she thrust Amelia into your arms. It wasn’t your fault. Forgive yourself, Sebastian.’

‘Never.’

She rose on her knees. ‘I’m going to hold you.’

‘I do not want you to.’

‘But I’m going to,’ she said. ‘I’m going to hold the little boy who needed someone to hold him.

I’m going to hold you, the man who needs to be held because he has been alone for far too long.

He has locked himself away for years because he blamed himself for something that was never his fault—’ Her voice broke.

Something tore inside him. In his chest.

‘It was my fault.’

‘It wasn’t,’ she said, and she sat in front of him on her knees. ‘But you’ve punished yourself enough.’

‘It will never be enough.’

She brushed the tears away, but her eyes pleaded. ‘Let me hold you.’

‘I do not want your arms around me,’ he lied, because all his body craved was her.

‘Turn the light off.’

His gaze narrowed. ‘Why?’

She gripped the hem of her nighty, tore it over her head and threw it on the ground.

‘What are you doing?’ he growled.

‘I’m getting into bed.’

And she did.

He looked at her lying beside him.

‘Hold me,’ she said. But she kept her head where it was. Her head on the pillow. Her eyes pointing at the wall. ‘I need you to hold us .’

His body roared.

How could he deny her? He’d promised to meet all her needs. Physically at least.

He couldn’t help it. His body wouldn’t listen to his demand to stay still. To keep his hands away from her.

He flipped the light off. Slipped his hips down the bed and turned. Moulded his body to the shape of her.

She grabbed his wrists, his hands, and wrapped them around her. Around them .

He closed his eyes. ‘Aurora—’

‘Don’t talk. You don’t have to say anything else,’ she told him. ‘Just hold me and know I’m right here with you. We are.’

Tears filled his eyes.

He wouldn’t shed them.

‘Tomorrow, we’ll find a way to honour the boy you were. The children like you,’ she whispered. ‘Tomorrow, we’ll find a way to honour Amelia.’

‘There is no honour to be found.’

‘Sleep, Sebastian.’

And with his heart hammering, Sebastian closed his eyes. Let his mind only hear her. Her breathing. He did not examine the intimacy of the moment she was giving to him. But he knew it was the most intimate moment he’d ever had.

In this moment, he was closer to her than he’d ever been to anyone.

She understood he would not let her soothe him, and so she had asked him to soothe her. And she knew he wouldn’t refuse her request, because…

She knew him .

She knew what he was, what he’d done, and still she wanted him here.

The knowledge shattered him. He felt raw. Broken open, and all that kept him together was her. Her body pressed against his. The rhythmic lull of her soft exchange of air calmed something inside him. Her soft, small hands on top of his. She was holding their baby with him.

It was everything he shouldn’t have.

Everything he didn’t deserve.

But here it was.

Here they were.

His family.

And he held them both in his big, greedy hands. Because he was a glutton. Selfish.

But he couldn’t let go of her.

He would never let them go.

A fatigue, so heavy, blanketed his mind.

He was so tired…

Darkness claimed him. And Sebastian slept a dreamless sleep, holding on to Aurora.

And she held him right back.