Page 6 of Mistress of Pemberley
The unexpected conversation they had with their father brought yet another change to the relationship between the sisters. For the first time in her life, Elizabeth decided to let them know what Jane had written to her.
They were all gathered in the drawing-room on a cold and rainy late February day when none had felt inclined to leave the house. The fire crackled in the hearth, and they suddenly felt an urging to resume the discussion from their father’s library.
“What might Jane be doing?” asked Mary, who, for once, did not have a book in her hand but a piece of lace she was futilely attempting to mend. Her lack of experience was evident, but Elizabeth understood that Mary joined in the activity simply to be with them and in the hope of continuing their conversation. This thought prompted her to retrieve Jane’s letter, which she had received the day before, from her pocket.
“I would not say she is well,” she said, unfolding the letter but not reading it immediately.
She began by recounting what had transpired during the early days of her eldest sister’s stay in London.
“Jane wrote a few lines to announce their safe arrival in London, and when she wrote again, I hoped it would be to share something of the Bingleys. I was utterly impatient to receive more news, but Jane had none. She had been in town a week without seeing or hearing from Caroline Bingley. However, she accounted for it by supposing that the reply to her letter to Miss Bingley must have been accidentally lost.”
“No!” cried Lydia, tossing the embroidery she had been half-heartedly working on into the basket. “How can she be so na?ve?”
And although Elizabeth disapproved of Lydia’s tone, she found herself in agreement with her words. Letters were not lost; they had simply not been written. Jane was deceiving herself.
“London brings her no solace,” observed Mary. “But has she seen him at last?”
“Not so far. She visited Grosvenor Street to call on the Bingleys …all of them. She wrote to me again after that visit, and she did see Miss Bingley, who did not appear to be in spirits but who was glad to see her and reproached her for giving no notice of her coming to London—”
“What lies!” exclaimed Lydia again, proving herself more perceptive about human nature than her much older sister. “She told her she had not received the letter!”
“Yes,” continued Elizabeth. “She told her that her last letter had never reached her—”
“And Jane believed her,” said Mary, pity in her voice.
“Jane asked about their brother, and they assured her he was well but so much engaged with Mr Darcy that they scarcely ever saw him. She then found out that Miss Darcy was expected for dinner. But, of course, Jane was not invited. Her visit was brief, as Miss Bingley and Mrs Hurst were going out. Yet again, she failed to see that these arrogant women did not wish to associate with her and had even less intention of letting her encounter their brother.”
“But she continued to hope,” said Mary, abandoning her lacework.
Elizabeth nodded. “Although I implored her in several letters to see the truth, and our aunt Gardiner also tried to persuade her.”
“I do not understand what happens in the houses of the rich,” Lydia said with mounting frustration. “How is it possible she did not see him? I would have done something—gone upstairs to seek him out or asked a servant to call for him.”
The sisters exchanged puzzled looks at these bold words, but then they smiled, for even though Lydia was brazen, she was right. It was inconceivable that Jane could have been in his house and not found a way to see him.
Elizabeth shook her head with deep sadness. The conversation had convinced her that only by sheer accident would Mr Bingley learn that her sister was in town.
“Jane tried hard to persuade herself that she did not regret the missed opportunity. Still, she could no longer be blind to Miss Bingley’s scheming. After waiting at home every morning for almost two weeks and inventing a new excuse for her absence every evening, the lady finally called. Still, the brevity of her stay and, more painfully, the alteration in her manner allowed Jane to deceive herself no longer. The letter she wrote will prove what she felt.”
“Read it, for heaven’s sake!” cried Lydia.
My dearest Lizzy,
I have been entirely deceived in Miss Bingley’s regard for me.
“Finally!” murmured Mary, though Lydia cast her a reproachful look and motioned for Elizabeth to continue.
I do not comprehend her reason for wishing to be my friend, but if the same circumstances were to occur again, I am sure I would be deceived again. Caroline did not return my visit until yesterday, and I received neither a note nor a line in the meantime. When she did come, it was very evident that she had no pleasure in seeing me. She made a slight, formal apology for not calling before, said not a word of wishing to see me again, and was in every respect so aloof that when she went away, I was perfectly resolved to end the acquaintance.
Yet I pity her because she must feel that she has been acting wrong—
“Untrue!” interrupted Lydia. “How can Jane be so na?ve? That horrible woman feels no pain or regret when acting with malevolence and incivility. Please continue!”
I am very sure that anxiety over her brother meeting me is the cause of it—
“Oh, poor Jane believes that everyone is like her!” Lydia exclaimed again, but no one was upset by the interruption, for they all thought the same.
However, I cannot but wonder about her having such fears now because if he had cared about me, we would have met long ago. I am certain he knows of my being in town from something she said herself. But I shall endeavour to banish every painful thought and think only of what will make me happy—your affection and the invariable kindness of my dear uncle and aunt. Let me hear from you very soon.
Miss Bingley said something about his never returning to Netherfield again and giving up the house, but not with any certainty. We had better not mention it. I am delighted you have such pleasant news from Charlotte. Pray go to see them, with Sir William and Maria. I am sure you will be comfortable there.
“Poor sister!” exclaimed Mary, dabbing at the tears streaming down her face.
“I cannot cry like Mary, but I feel the same,” declared Lydia with determination, and Kitty nodded in agreement.
Elizabeth looked at them with a slight pang of guilt. It had taken their father to remind them of the strong bond between them and to help them appreciate their family’s unity.
“Papa was right,” Mary said. “We must be more discerning of people before allowing ourselves to feel a connection to them. Jane might have been spared much pain if she had not believed the Bingley sisters to be her friends—”
“Or that Mr Bingley loved her,” added Lydia, voicing what all of them were thinking.
“One thing is clear to me,” Elizabeth spoke firmly. “I shall not let myself be swayed by anyone. I shall not resist my heart’s inclinations to influence me—”
“Do you mean you will love?” asked Mary, her voice tinged with regret.
“Yes, I shall not search but fall , despite what Father advised us,” Elizabeth replied with determination.
“Yes, I agree. Love must be something that comes from outside oneself and cannot be resisted…yet there are many risks, like in Jane’s case… Papa was also right,” Mary said, her tone puzzled and sad.
Lydia shrugged. “It would not be a calamity to fall in love, for I am not like Jane. If I love, I shall declare my affection and win the man I love.”
“I shall die of love,” murmured Mary dramatically, casting a wistful glance at Elizabeth, who said nothing. Instead, Kitty spoke first.
“I shall not resist love, and if you are with me, I shall ask you to help me act correctly—to leave if he does not love me and to make him see my love if he does.”
Kitty had never spoken so profoundly, and they all gazed at her affectionately, ready to help her if the need arose.
“You can always count on me,” said Elizabeth, and the others nodded their agreement.
“And you?” Mary asked Elizabeth pointedly.
“Me? I dream of falling in love…like all of you,” Elizabeth said with a smile. “But my secret dream is completely different. I would like to be free to choose my path in life and not consider marriage to be my only choice. But, unfortunately, in my case, this is only un unattainable dream.”