Page 86 of Mister Cowboy

The elevator alarm buzzed, and he moved his hands unconsciously to stop the ringing. He watched her face as the doors closed, looking for any hint that he still had a chance. When he didn’t find what he desperately wanted to see, he cursed himself for the billionth time for fucking up the best thing that had ever happened to him.

48

January

Balancingthe cheesecake in one hand, she unlocked the front door of her apartment and stepped inside.

“Michael, anyone home?” she called out, setting the dessert on the counter and checking for any sign that her roommate was home.

Michael’s voice drifted from his side of the apartment. “I’m in my room.”

Grabbing the cake and two forks, she walked down the hall and stopped at Michael’s door. He looked up from the book he’d been reading. “Whatcha got there?” he asked as he eyed the blue box.

“An apology cheesecake,” she admitted.

“Chocolate chip or original?” he asked, shutting his book and placing it on the bed.

“Original. I’m not a monster.”

He sat up, and January joined him, sitting hesitantly on the corner of the bed. “I’m really sorry.”

“Yeah, I know. You all right?”

She nodded. All the anger she’d been holding onto had dissipated somewhere between watching Sylvie organize baby clothes and holding the tiny infant in her arms. She hadn’t even said all the mean and terrible things she’d been rehearsing in case she ever saw him again, a small feat in and of itself.

“I will be.”

“Of course you will.” Michael opened the box and the smell of the rich, decadent dessert filled the air. “Are you gonna call him?”

“No.” She skimmed off a bite and lifted the fork to her mouth. “I saw him as I was leaving the hospital.”

“Interesting development. Was it a deliberate run-in?”

She considered that possibility for a moment but then dismissed it. There was no way he could have known she would have been there unless Martin called him, which seemed unlikely. Plus, the surprise was genuine. “No.”

“What did he say?”

“That he was sorry and he missed me. That he loved me,” she said more quietly.

Michael chewed slowly, studying her face as if he waited for her to say more.

“I don’t know if it’s enough. I was holding this tiny, beautiful baby in my arms, and it hit me. I want that. I don’t want to stand by and watch him experience all of that with someone else. Withher.”

“I get it, but you’re asking him to be something he isn’t. Nadia is pregnant, and he’s going to be a father to her child, so what you want isn’t something you can have.”

“I know. What should I do?”

“You already know the answer to that. It’s why you’ve been so angry. You’re huffing around like you’re pissed at him or at Nadia, but really you’re pissed at yourself for wishing it were you.”

She paused with the fork up, mouth open.

“Don’t look so surprised that I figured it out,” Michael said with a hint of humor in his voice. “It’s all those chick shows I’ve watched over the years to pick up women. It finally came in handy for something more useful.”

She laughed, feeling a little lighter. “Thank you.”

“Speaking of chick shows, wanna binge watch someJane the Virgin?”

“Yes, but first I need to call and check in with my father. Today is his wedding.” She stood, taking her fork with her as she stepped to the door.