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Chapter Twenty-One

"What can stop the determined heart and resolved will of man?"

Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein

* * *

A nnabel looked around the nursery that had not been used in nearly two decades. It was … nice. It was clear that Philip and Sebastian’s parents had not locked them away and forgotten them as some peers did, bringing their children out only as long as they were clean and well-behaved for a quick visit with the adults before rushing them back to the nursery. What would have happened to Annabel if not for her mama and Mrs. Harris?

There was evidence of love here. Plenty of windows to let light in. Under the dust sheets, she could make out many bookcases. She walked over and lifted a sheet, sneezing at the cloud of dust. As she had suspected, the shelves were crammed with books, toys, and what looked like lesson objects. Many of the books were stories and served no purpose other than to entertain.

She had finally come up to see this space reserved for the Markham children. It was nine days since Philip’s departure, seven since his midnight visit to take the carriage. For all she knew, she would give birth to her child before she saw the duke again. After much debate with herself, she had determined that she must start planning for the nursery and for a nanny to assist her. She could not sit around waiting any longer; she needed to take action.

If I want the future I envision for myself, I must make it happen. I shall just have to reach out and take what I want.

Taking action was how she had changed her fate to marry Philip, rather than being imprisoned in a marriage to feckless Richard.

Her reasoning had led her to walk around the manse, searching for the nursery. She walked over to the window and leaned her forehead against the glass to stare out at the woods.

Oh, Philip, will you not come home?

They could return to how they had been and pretend she had never said those stupid words. They would return to being just companions. Maybe he would hold her in his arms like he had done before. She would not expect anything more or ask for anything he was not willing to give. She wanted to be in his life.

Annabel straightened and dashed the tears from her cheeks. She had been a veritable watering pot for an entire week, but she had found another project to occupy her thoughts. She would work on the nursery, then one step at a time, she would prepare to be a mother.

Philip may have decided their marriage was a mistake and regret his choice of wife, but they could still have children, starting with this one. Children would give her a new purpose—someone to whom she could channel all her unrequited love—if he was determined to keep distance between them. Perhaps more than one babe in the future. If Philip never returned her love, she could still have plenty of love in her life.

Waiting for him to come home was tremendously exasperating. She wanted to throw things, cry, or howl at the firmament—perhaps crawl out of her skin, which itched with the frustration of things not said or resolved. She needed to know where he was, to have a proper conversation, and to settle this matter. Instead, she scoured the nursery and made plans.

* * *

Philip’s excitement mounted as the carriage turned to enter the stone gates of Avonmead. It felt like he had been away for a hundred years, rather than a mere nine days. He half expected his home to look different.

Stuff, he was tired! No wonder he had become so fanciful.

He rubbed his face with his hands to ease the weariness from traveling. As the carriage neared the mansion, his nerves tingled in accompaniment with his heightening excitement. What would he say when he saw Annabel? Did she even want to see him after he had been such a scoundrel? It was difficult to accept that his rakish cousin was the one to point out that he, Philip, had been a thoughtless cad. He would never take Annabel for granted again. He would tell her he loved her every day for the rest of their lives. They would improve the estate school together, and she would help him prepare his speeches for Westminster—they would do so many great things together.

He wondered just how angry she would be when he finally reached her.

He felt like a nervous youth on the first day of school as he attempted to repair his cravat, but after two days of driving from London through to Avonmead, he was decidedly disheveled. Before he could hunt for Annabel, he would need to call for his valet and make an effort to clean up. What he needed to say to her was too important to appear like a bedraggled lout.

He sighed with impatience. Yet another delay before he could speak to his lovely wife.

* * *

Philip sped up the stairs to his chambers. As he made his way down the carpeted second-floor hall lined with detailed oil landscapes of Wiltshire, his footfalls became all but silent, with the rich weavings dampening his approach. It was the reason why, when he turned a bend in the hall, his butler Clinton and the new housekeeper did not hear his entrance.

“Witch!”

“Why … why … you old dog!” hissed the short, stout woman standing toe to toe with his tall, slim manservant, her chin raised in defiance. Clinton’s eyes flared at the insult, and they glared at each other. Philip was just contemplating how to make his presence known in order to reach his rooms when right in front of him the two flew into each other’s arms in an embrace, lips smacking loudly against lips. Philip winced and turned to avert his vision. His suspicions were confirmed, but he felt no triumph. It was … repulsive. Not unlike a child discovering their parents kissing.

He cleared his throat to announce his presence and listened to the sounds of consternation behind him.

“Your—Your Grace!” sputtered Clinton, his voice pitching from two different heights as the servant bowed behind him. Philip refused to turn around. His eyes might look down the hall toward the staircase, but his mind could not unsee the two locked in passionate abandon.

“See here, Clinton, I know many households do not allow servants to marry, but it seems to me both you and Mrs. Harris are mature and valued retainers, so if you wish to marry while maintaining your positions, I will have no argument. In fact, we can discuss you taking one of the cottages close to the manor. However, I would appreciate if you took steps to address this … tension between you so that I might travel my halls without the fear of encumbrance. What do you say, old chap?”

Clinton sounded awkward when he gave a muffled cough, presumably into a gloved fist. “I will discuss the matter with Mrs. Harris and let you know, Your Grace?”

“Splendid, Clinton. As you were—wait … scratch that. On second thought, please remove yourselves from my corridor and send my valet with haste. Also, I need to bathe, but I am in a hurry … have a footman bring warm water for my washstand. I need to meet with my duchess, and I would not care to find either of you out here to interrupt me again today.”

“Of course, Your Grace. My apologies, Your Grace.”

“No need to mention this again. Let me know of your decision. Continue on.”

As amused as Philip may have been under ordinary circumstances, as matters stood, the servants’ drama was just another delay to reaching Annabel. His frustration at their long parting was making his skin itch. He needed to see his wife!

* * *

Annabel gazed through the glass walls of the orangery. The air was pungent with the smell of exotic fragrances of dozens of blooming plants along the scaffolding on the back wall and of ripe oranges and citrus growing on the trees dotted around the corners and edges of the windowed room.

Although melancholy still dogged her heels, she had found little projects to do. She kept wondering what the future would bring. Would Philip still want her to accompany him to London and play at being his hostess—not that she had any knowledge for such an undertaking? Or would she remain here at the estate for the coming year? Would he be pleased with her when he learned she was with child, or would it be the perfect excuse to stay away from her and leave for Town? She hoped with all her heart he would forgive her. If not, she had so much love for Philip that she could pass on to a little boy with his intelligent, determined gaze and infectious laugh, or a little girl with his glorious golden curls and serious gray eyes, to fill the void in her very being.

Hearing footsteps on the brick walkway, she looked back, expecting Mary with her tea tray, which Annabel had been taking in the orangery, with its enclosed lawn and charming breakfast area, for the past week. She started when she saw Philip standing near her.

“Your Grace, you have returned.” She stood and dropped a curtsy, holding back a grimace.

Faugh, Annabel! That was not an awkward and inappropriate greeting at all.

“Annabel.” He nodded in greeting before taking steps to sit on the bench at her side. Annabel followed his cue and sank slowly back onto the bench.

He cleared his throat. “I wanted to thank you for the information you uncovered. Richard and I have patched up our relationship. I let him know he is not welcome in our household because of his actions against you, but I am glad we can become acquainted once more. It is … nice to have some sense of the fraternity we once shared.”

She nodded in acknowledgment, guilt twisting her insides at how she had withheld the Debrett’s entry from him and had not intended to tell him about it. She was happy they had reconciled, as she wanted Philip to be happy. That is a lie. I want to go back to the time before he knew what a mistake he had made in marrying me. She felt tears prickling and swallowed hard, looking away while she fought to hold them back.

“I am curious how long you knew?”

She entwined her fingers to control their shaking. “About two weeks,” she choked out.

“Ah, about the time of the strange conversation regarding family ties. Why did you not inform me as soon as you discovered it?”

She flinched at the question. Brave and honest, indeed. Annabel thought about the future she had hoped for, the one where Philip grew to love her, and they became partners for life. Where he visited her every night and stayed until morning, with the laughter of their children filling their days. She knew that was out of the question now. Not only had he realized his mistake in marrying her, but she had betrayed his trust and put her own happiness before his by withholding the truth about Jane and her brother. An act of unforgivable unkindness.

She steeled her resolve. She may have not been brave and honest until now, but it was time to tell the truth with courage and see where it would take her.

“I was enjoying our time together, and I wanted nothing to change.”

“Why would it have changed?”

“I knew the primary reason you wanted to marry me was because of what Richard had done to you and … you would realize your mistake in choosing me as your w-wife.” Her voice broke. She fought for control. “I am so sorry,” she whispered hoarsely, unable to look at him.

“I was afraid you would say something like that. However, I am the one who should apologize.”

Annabel shook her head in denial. “You did so much for me. I do not blame you for your desire to hurt Richard, and you rescued me from a marriage I did not want.”

“Annabel, that is not what I am apologizing for. First, you make me sound heroic, magnanimous even. My motives were purely selfish, I assure you. But I digress. First, I have news … of your brother.”

Annabel squinted at him in surprise. “Brendan? What does he have to do with us?”

“Your brother was quite pleased to learn of our marriage?—”

“He was?”

“Sweet, you will have to stop interrupting so I can tell you my news.”

Annabel shot him a chastened but curious look. She had much she wanted to say to him, but the sudden change in subject to her brother befuddled her thinking. She was unsure what thread of the conversation to concentrate on, so she acquiesced and stayed silent.

“Brendan misses you very much—has missed you very much, and he wrote a missive to you …”

Philip withdrew a folded paper from a pocket in his coat pocket and handed it over. Annabel reached out a trembling hand to grasp it. She felt overcome with emotions and fought back more tears as she gently unfolded the letter. The first she had received from Brendan Ridley in four long years.

My dearest Annabel,

Felicitations on your recent nuptials. Halmesbury seems like a good sort, and I was most pleased to make your new husband’s acquaintance. We discussed the situation with our family, and he has made me see we could and should reunite. I have much to explain and the duke has agreed that he will allow me to make my explanations to you directly, so do not pester him to inform you of the details. I know you will be tempted, but the explanation must come from me, so leave the poor man alone, sis.

I have personal matters to take care of, but the duke has invited me to Avonmead for my birthday on November 25, so I will join you in your new home soon. I know it is some years since we celebrated the holidays together, but I would very much like to resurrect our family traditions this year, if that is acceptable to you. The festive season has been most challenging for me since our parting, and I look forward to spending it with you this year. The duke appears to think you would be highly receptive, if not elated, to do so.

Please know that I did not intend our estrangement to hurt you, and it is not a reflection of my sentiments toward you. I have and always will love you as my most cherished family, and I look forward to reuniting soon.

With all my love,

Brendan

Annabel felt tears streaming down her cheeks at these long-awaited words from her beloved brother. It mortified her to be showing such emotion, and she attempted to mop her face by turning away from the duke to pat the end of her shawl around her throbbing eyes. Her heart, encased in ice for days, unfroze like snow in warm sunlight as she comprehended the news. Brendan was coming. Here to Avonmead. To visit her!

“I—thank you!” she blurted out in gratitude before a horrifying thought occurred to her. “Wait! Are you getting rid of me? Did you orchestrate this meeting with Brendan to ease my exit?”

Philip’s face fell, and he reached out to pull her into a fierce embrace. “Never! Annabel—never!” he repeated as he pressed urgent kisses to the crown of her head. “My darling, I arranged this for you because I wanted to make amends for my behavior. This is my apology to you. And my gratitude. I needed to reconcile with Saunton. It was such a relief to talk with him, to clear up our misunderstanding, that I wanted to do something for you. As I was in London, I felt I could not leave without uncovering the cause of your estrangement with your brother. I just could not believe that he did not want you in his life. Of course he would want to be in your life! You are delightful! I suspected there was an explanation and a resolution for you and Brendan. You helped me reunite with my family, and I … I just wanted to help you reunite with your family so you could experience that relief for yourself.”

“But … but …” Annabel frowned her confusion. “Why do you feel you owe me an apology?”

“I owe you an apology for my cowardice. I could not face my true feelings, and I allowed you to believe that our marriage was a convoluted revenge plot because I did not have the maturity to tell you the truth. To tell you how a bold, vivacious woman entered my study and captivated me from the start. How when she told me she was betrothed, I was horribly disappointed, but then when she told me to whom and that she wanted to break the betrothal, that I was so, so relieved that I had all the justification I needed to take her for my own. So relieved that I immediately proposed rather than lose the opportunity to spend my time with the most beautiful, exciting woman I had ever encountered. How within a few days I was madly in love with this exquisite creature, and that when she told me she loved me, it squeezed my heart with joy, but I was too immature, too callow, too fearful to state my reciprocation of those treasured words out loud.” Philip cleared his throat. “It is time I correct that—I love you, Annabel. Deeply. Passionately. These past few weeks have been the happiest weeks of my entire life. You are my new best friend and my beloved. I am so fortunate that you turned to me for help. I cannot possibly be happy without you at my side.”

Annabel struggled to pull her head back to gape at him. “What?”

Philip chuckled. “I do not think I can repeat all that. I assume you are expressing surprise and not that you failed to hear what I said?”

“What?” Annabel’s wits were dull with shock and happiness. She shook her head to clear her thoughts and then threw herself forward against his broad chest. “You love me? But I lied to you!”

“Not really. You simply withheld some facts, because you were uncertain of what my reception would be. And that, my dear, says more about my recent behavior than it does yours. If I had been more honest, then you would have had more confidence. In my newfound spirit of clarity, I can now honestly inform you that you are the most captivating woman I have ever met.”

Annabel laughed in relief and buried her face against his tanned neck. “I know I promised to never say it again, but … I love you, Philip.”

“Hmm …” He nuzzled her temple before using his hand to tilt her face up.

Annabel leaned back and playfully punched his shoulder with her fist. “You think it is that easy? I have been suffering from a broken heart, and I need to hear it again,” she demanded.

“I love you. I love you! I love you, and I will always love you, Annabel. You complete me. How is that?”

“It is a good start.”

Philip laughed as he stood up. Leaning down, he braced his arm to swing her knees up, and his other arm cradled her back lovingly as he scooped her up. He leaned down and planted a kiss on her lips.

“Oh, Philip, in the interest of honesty, I should inform you I had to begin preparations for the nursery.”

He stumbled slightly and then righted himself. “What?”

“We are with child, My Grace.”

“What?”

“I assume you did hear me and that you are merely expressing surprise?”

Philip gazed down at her before giving a whoop of happiness and lifting her higher with exultation. “A delightful surprise, my lovely Annabel. Delightful indeed!”