Page 17 of Mimosa (Murphy's Pub #2)

Chapter Seventeen

The Bajwa home was in the mountains, in a little town called Georgetown. They’d moved from the suburb of Broomfield just before Mims was asked to leave home.

The drive was great, and Mims was happy Murphy had agreed to let them use his SUV. The vehicle was comfortable and Mims set his phone up to the radio so they could listen to mellow music on the way.

Cosmo drove, thankfully, because Mims was off in thought most of the drive. It was a beautiful drive, winding from the dense city to the comfort of the mountains rising on either side of them.

The homes grew bigger and more elaborate, but were much fewer and far between the farther they got from Denver. Mims had only lived there a short time, seven months, but he’d gone for long walks out to the forest, and sat on logs to daydream in the quiet and peaceful places surrounding their new home.

Oh, his father had been terribly proud to have moved to a place like that. Their modest home in Broomfield was nice, five bedrooms, big, but squeezed between other houses that looked so similar, most people had a hard time finding which house they were headed to. More than once, they’d have people knocking on their doors, expecting to find a date of theirs, or to deliver a pizza they hadn’t ordered.

In Georgetown, however, the house they’d purchased had none around it that was anywhere similar. It was smaller, less square footage, but the price had been triple what they’d gotten for their Broomfield home.

The pride on his father’s face, Mims would never forget it. Mostly because he’d never looked at Ali with such pride. More times than not, when his eyes fell on Mims, it was disgust that was evident.

“Are you still ready to do this? We’re only about three miles by my GPS.”

Mims nodded before he turned his head to Cosmo. “I am. How would you…I don’t know, start?”

A long sigh came from Cosmo’s beautiful mouth. “Damn, that’s tough. It’s not like I haven’t thought about it, with my dad. I’ve pictured rushing to him and knocking him on his ass, but I wouldn’t recommend that.”

“No,” he said laughing tightly.

“I guess the things I’d say that stick with me most is asking him why he cared so little for me and my siblings. I’d tell him I hated him more than I loved him for the things that have happened to me since he gave me up. I’d tell him that those moments when he’s the happiest with his new family would always be stained with the blood of my mother and siblings.”

“Ouch.”

“I’m not wrong. When I picture him, there’s a cloud over him. I have tried to see him without it, and I can’t. It’s always there, hovering right over his head. I’m not saying I’m reading anything into that but my own feelings on it, but it’s there.”

“I don’t see anything, but then again, I try really hard not to picture him at all. It hurts too much.”

“When you get past that, Mims, you’ll feel better. Yes, our parents are supposed to love us unconditionally. But not all parents are like that. Just because a person has kids doesn’t mean they’re good people. Shit, even some serial killers had kids. All we can do is make sure that we’re better than them. That we care more, that we find happiness in things that have nothing to do with them. That is the real trick. Whether your parents are good or not, every person should strive to be better than them. It’s the only way to make the world work.”

“Thanks, Cosmo,” he said and felt energized. A better person. Someone who cared more. He could easily do that.

“The way you are with Katie and Little Mick, Mims…you are so sweet with them. And I’ll say it, they’re spoiled like crazy and man, they’re rough to love some days, but you never blink. You talk to them plainly and sweetly.”

“I love them. I love my little nieces and nephews, too.”

“Then you’re already better than your dad.”

The house was yellow with white trim. Two stories spread out with the backdrop of a treed hill behind it. What a pretty sight for a house with few smiles inside of it.

They parked in front so they could easily and quickly leave. Most parked off to the side, so the blight of a vehicle wouldn’t cover the meticulously pruned landscape they paid well to maintain.

Mims took a deep breath as his hand rested on the handle of the door, and Cosmo took the other one, holding it loosely. “I’m right here. I’m not leaving your side unless you tell me to, and even then, I won’t be far.”

“I don’t even know how to thank you for this, Cosmo.”

“Buy all Diaq’s wet food for the month and we’re even.”

“Abs has him eating that expensive stuff, huh?”

“Yes. Fifty bucks a case for it!”

“Okay, it’s a deal.”

“Good. Let’s go.”

They walked together to the door and Mims saw the curtain moving, and knew his mother was looking out of it. Still, he walked, and kept his eyes from that moment on the door in front of them.

He was shaking with fear, and he knew he could burst into tears at any moment, but he suddenly had a force with him that could carry him through.

Like he felt them, all his real family at the pub and somewhere in Denver was Sonny. They were all thinking of him in that moment, sending their strength to him, and he could feel it. It created an invisible barrier around him that nothing could penetrate.

All that love went with him as he knocked on the door. Cosmo beside him, stiffening, ready to attack for him, ready to defend Mims no matter what came at them. Mims never knew he was so loved until that moment.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

Cosmo simple grunted.

The door opened and it was Nadia who stood there, smiling warmly. “Hey, baby brother.”

“Hi. Is this…can we come in?”

“Yeah,” she said forcefully, and she stood aside to let the two men inside the sterile home.

Everything was white, from the walls to the furniture, and even the wood floors were especially light wood. There were a few brass pieces, like the legs of the coffee table, but mostly, everything was white.

It was a great room, one that was open to the kitchen and hallway beyond, and the staircase wound up to the landing upstairs. A white rug ran the stairs too.

Their old home, it had had color and life. There were Moroccan tiles in the kitchen and bathrooms, Persian rugs, silk and satin quilts over the backs of every sofa, and plants were growing everywhere. His mother had given all her precious plants away, as his father had complained endlessly about their messy fallen leaves and dirty water that caught in the trays under the pots.

His mother stood over by the white brick fireplace, her hands hanging and clasped in front of her. Her makeup was done, her hair carefully curled and brushed back form her lovely face. A beautiful woman, his mother, and she had the ghost of a smile on her lightly painted lips.

“Ali, hello, son.”

“Mother, hi,” he said as he took a few steps closer to her, waiting for her to close the gap between them. She did, but it was obvious she’d done it reluctantly.

The hug they shared was stiff on both ends, but he whispered to her, “You look beautiful, Mom.”

She looked him over and said, “You look well, son.”

“I am. I’m…I’m happy.”

“Good,” she said and actually seemed to mean it. “I, uh, I’m glad, Ali.”

He swallowed the lump in his throat and croaked, “How is he?”

She fetched a handkerchief from the pocket of her dress and dabbed the corners of her eyes. “He’s…bad, Ali. He’s very bad.”

“I need to see him, Mom. This could be the last time.”

She nodded erratically, but said, “I don’t know, Ali. I just don’t know.”

“It’s not up to you to know, Mom. I need to. For me. Maybe for him, I don’t know, but I have to do this.”

She blinked and set her hand to her throat, and it was only then she noticed Cosmo. “Who is your…your friend?”

“He’s not my boyfriend, Mom. This is a man I work with. His name is Cosmo.”

She stepped to him and offered her hand. “Nice to meet you, Cosmo.”

“Nice to meet you, Ma’am.”

“You work with Ali?”

“Yes, Ma’am, we tend bar together.”

She gasped and spun around before Nadia said, “It’s a job, Mama, and he doesn’t drink.”

That was a lie, but it calmed his mother considerably. “Is it good money?”

“Really good, Mom. I make a lot, I have a nice place and I have good friends.”

“Good. I’m happy, Ali.”

There was only a tiny bit of her accent left. His father had insisted on the two of them getting English lessons that would cure them of their accents. He wanted to be counted in America, not seen as an outsider. Mims knew if he could have, he would have bleached the brown from his skin.

“Mom, I’m going upstairs, okay?”

She nodded but said, “Nadia, go with him.”

“She doesn’t have to, Mom.”

“Yes. Take your sister. Please.”

Mims nodded and turned to Nadia. “Let’s go.”

Cosmo followed the two of them up the stairs, then stood near Mims in front of the double doors that led to his parents’ bedroom. “I’m not going in,” Nadia said. “But Mom doesn’t need to know.”

“Thanks, Nadia.”

“If he’s mean, you just walk out, okay?”

“I won’t let him get hurt,” Cosmo assured her.

“You all, you’re good friends. Thanks for coming with him.”

Cosmo nodded and took the hug she gave him before she hugged Mims tightly. “I love you. Remember that. Me, my kids, we all love you, so no matter what an old prick Daddy is, we love you.”

“That doesn’t inspire confidence.”

She laughed. “Sorry. He’s not my favorite person right now. I’m here for Mom.”

“I know.”

Turning the knob felt like he was setting a noose around his neck, but then, he remembered all the people thinking about him. Even Tally had sent a text to him that morning, wishing him the best. And she was vacationing in Hawaii.

His whole new family was behind him, holding him up in a way. He pushed the door open, and silently gasped as he saw his father, that once tall and intimidating man, laying in a hospital bed where their neat and tidy double bed had once been.

His eyes were closed and there were wires attached to his bare chest, and there was a tube of oxygen across his face.

Hair gray, completely, beard scruffy, as if he hadn’t been shaved in days, his father looked like a ghost already and he wasn’t even dead yet.

Mims went to the side of the bed and tentatively set his hand on his father’s, He was cold. If his chest wasn’t rising and falling, Mims would have thought he’d come too late.

“Dad?”

As his eyes fluttered open, his father’s head moved a little. Mims held his breath while his father’s eyes adjusted and met his.

“Ali. What are you doing here?” he croaked with a weak voice.

“I came to see you. Nadia told me…about you.”

He grumbled and pulled his hand from Mims’s. “That girl has no respect for me.”

“She loves you, Dad. We…we all love you.”

Cosmo’s eyes were narrowed and hateful as he stared at Mims’s father in that bed. Mims could almost hear his thoughts, wishing it was his own father suffering.

“No respect. No honor. Either of you. You married? Or are you still…?”

“Gay? Yes, Dad. I’m still gay.”

Ignoring Mims, he demanded with a whining voice to Cosmo, “Who’s this?”

“A friend. He’s just a friend who came with me.”

“Tell him to go.”

As much as Mims didn’t want to do a thing his father wanted, he needed this. “Cosmo, you can leave me for a second.”

“I’m right outside that door,” he said, then took a step closer to the bed to say to Mims’s father, “Right outside that door, and I’m not afraid to hit sick people. He’s a wonderful person, in spite of you.”

He stomped out, and Mims smiled. What he hadn’t counted on was his father’s laughter.

He stared at the man with his jaw dropped.

“I like him. All American machismos.”

If anyone had told Mims his father knew the word, he would have called him a liar. Then it dawned on him. Cosmo was as gay as they came, but he didn’t act like it.

All his life in the states, the man had sought to be a full American. He’d changed his accent, his home, his family, all to fit into the America he’d seen on big screens when he was a kid. John Wayne, Clark Gable, James Dean, James Garner. If it hadn’t been Mims’s grandfather’s name, he wouldn’t have been named Ali. He’d have been John, or James, or some other “American” name.

“Dad…is that why? Because it was…obvious that I’m gay?”

“You don’t know anything, Ali. You don’t think there were always boys that did things to each other? Those things are private, in dark places, not…”

“I don’t want to hide away, Dad. I’m not ashamed of being gay, just like I’m not ashamed that my name is Ali, or that you and mom weren’t born here. I love you, Dad, but I’m done being ashamed.”

His father’s eyes met his and they looked so…old. “You need to give your mother grandchildren when I’m gone. If you’re so right, you do that.”

“If I get married and we want kids, I’d love to do that, Dad.”

“Marrying a man,” he spit. “Isn’t right, Ali.”

“It’s not wrong either, Dad.”

His hands no longer shook, and he felt his sadness and fear leave him. The man that had followed him in his nightmares, laughing at him, scorning him, he was gone. All that was left was a broken, sick human being.

All the years he’d tried for the approval of father figures, only to see that approval was only needed if it was in one’s self. And he most definitely approved of himself. Just having the guts to walk into that room was proof of that.

“Dad, I’d like to come see you again, soon. Will that be okay?”

“Do what you want. You always did,” he said, then turned his head. Mims knew then that his dad had regrets that he may never voice, but they existed and that was enough for him.

“See you soon, Dad.”

He left the room and Cosmo was pacing, but stopped the second he saw him. “Are you okay? Do I have to go beat that…well, I could just pull some plugs at this point.”

“No. It’s fine. It’s not great, and wouldn’t have ever been, but…I’m really okay, probably for the first time ever.”

Cosmo pulled him in for a hug. “I always thought you were okay, but I don’t know you all that well.”

Mims laughed and hugged him back. “You’ve been so good to me. Let’s get home.”

Cosmo pulled away smiling. “Home. A bar is my home. I know a lot of people that could have predicted that.”

Nadia and his mother were standing at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for him like they were about to jump out of their skin. He relieved their stress. “He’s okay. I’m okay. We’re never going to be best friends, but I have a few of those, so that’s fine.”

His mother hugged him, with a real hug. “Ali, I’m so happy you came.”

Pushing her back, he scolded, “I could have seen you all along, Mom. You didn’t have to cut me off because he did.”

“He’s my husband, Ali. You know what that means in my culture.”

“More than your child?”

She lost the tears that had welled and she looked away from him. “No. I…I’m not strong, Ali.”

“Well, I am, Mom. I’d like to see you more, but it’s up to you now.”

She nodded and kissed his cheek. “I’ll see you, son. I will.”

Nadia walked them out to Murphy’s SUV, and all the while, she grinned. “I cannot believe it. I was waiting for bedpans to be thrown.”

“Me too. I figured he’d use his last breath to call me a fag and toss me out on my ass again.”

Nadia cupped his cheek and smiled sweetly. “You’re so strong. I never knew my little brother was so strong.”

“I’m not, but…I have help.”

“Bullshit,” Cosmo argued. “You had me leave the room. You were in there alone, standing on your own. Don’t push this off, Mims. Like it or not, you’ve grown up.”

Mims whined, “Damn. Now all that’s left is to grow old.”