Page 21

Harrison

“ A lright, boys.” I skate through the drills taking place and clap a couple of the guys on the back, watching as they swing their sticks and tip their heads up for a breath of air.

“Water break for five, then back on the ice to scrimmage. I want to go over what we’re doing in another Kraken situation. ”

We’ve been running drills hard all morning. Mostly, I don’t want to give any of them the chance to talk about Greenhill. It’s been in the news, and all over social media, since the day that he went missing.

Some people think that he was kidnapped.

Others are pointing out all the signs that this was going to happen for a long time—his rising debts, his recent divorce.

Tonight, a special interview is coming out with his ex-wife, and the only thing I know about it is that it’s going to fuck up our headspace.

A lot of these guys were friends with the fucker. They were betrayed when he dropped them like that, and shocked that they missed the signs of his gambling addiction.

Lovie and I have already gone through it—the combination of the news about Greenhill and our lines being out of sync led to the final run of the game—a power play with two minutes left on the clock because Kipling couldn’t keep his fucking gloves on.

“I still can’t believe we won that game,” Ruby Nadler, the skills coach, says, skating over to me with her water in hand.

She’s wearing the same standard uniform of all our coaches—a warm tracksuit in dark navy, the little crab logo on the right pocket.

Her hair is slicked back from her face and held there by a thin white headband, and it makes me think of Lovie.

Everything makes me think of Lovie.

“Yeah, you and me both,” I say, forcing myself to stay present. With only half an hour left in practice, I’ll have plenty of time afterward to go to Lovie’s place.

It will be my first time going over there for a change.

It’s been nearly two weeks since our Friendsgiving at my place. Nearly two weeks since she fell asleep in my arms. Since she stayed at my place despite the fact that we didn’t have sex.

Something is changing between us, and it hangs in the air between us each time we’re together. Lovie hasn’t pointed it out, and I think I might know why—because there are so many reasons it would never work.

Our age difference. Her, wanting a baby.

Me, still having the team as a top priority in my life.

When I think about meeting her dad, it’s with the knowledge that he would be only a bit older than me.

She’s already made it clear that she doesn’t want anyone to know about this agreement between us, so a public relationship is probably not in the cards.

“Coach?” Ruby asks, and I realize the guys are back, asking what to do, how I want them to set up the scrimmage. I wave at Deacon and the other assistant coaches to get it ready and skate to the boards myself, reaching for my water bottle.

There’s no doubt about it in my mind. I’m falling in love with that woman.

Of course I am, because there’s never been a time in my life that I could take the easy way out. Of course I had to fall in love with a girl twenty years younger than me who wants a baby more than anything in the world.

I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t have fallen for her, given the time and intimacy we’ve shared over the past weeks, ever since signing that stupid contract.

And now I have to figure out what I’m going to do about it.

For now, I force myself back into practice, letting the scrimmage distract me from the thoughts of Lovie that haven’t stopped since November—hell, since the moment I met her.

And, as though thinking of a new love has summoned her, I get a call from Eliza the second I’m stepping back into my office.

For a long moment, I stare down at my phone, at the blank silhouette picture above her name, where it used to show a photo of the two of us. There are no residual feelings for her within me, I realize—not even anger.

“Hello?”

“Oh—Harrison. You answered.”

“I did.”

An awkward pause stretches out between us, and I clear my throat. “Was there something you needed?”

“Oh,” Eliza pauses, clears her throat. “Sorry, I just—I didn’t think you were going to answer.”

“I can hang up, if you want.”

“No—I wanted you to answer. I want…well, I guess the same thing I’ve wanted for years—just to apologize for everything that happened. I’ve been talking to my therapist about it for a while, and she thinks getting closure with you might be a healing thing. For both of us.”

“Oh does she?” I laugh, but it feels goodnatured. When Eliza and I were twenty, young and wildly in love, I never could have imagined the day she’d be calling me because her therapist told her to.

“Yeah.” I can hear her smiling. “She did. So here it is—I’m sorry, Harrison. There were a lot of pressures, and our relationship wasn’t great, but I shouldn’t have betrayed you. More than anything, you were still my best friend. And I’m sorry for how things ended.”

Closing my eyes, I put one hand on the wall and let out a stream of air, finally saying to her what I’ve known to be true for a long time, “Obviously I wish you hadn’t fucked off with my best friend, but I know I played a part in it, too.”

“Harrison—”

“No, Eliza, I don’t have a therapist, but if I did, maybe they’d tell me to apologize to you, too.

I know I always put hockey before our relationship back then.

I thought it was the right thing, and I think I ended up taking a lot from you to build my success.

You deserved to have your life, your family.

And I shouldn’t have taken the coaching job without talking to you about it, first.”

The other end of the line is silent for long enough that I pull it back away from my face, looking to see if she’s hung up.

“Eliza?”

“Sorry.” She sniffles, and I hear the sound of a tissue being pulled from the box. “I never thought I’d hear you say that, I guess. I thought you didn’t regret it at all.”

“Of course I do,” I admit. “You were my best friend, too.”

It’s a strange feeling, to hold the knowledge of my love for her in the past alongside this new thing with Lovie.

“What…what made you answer? And say all that?”

I open my mouth, shut it again, knowing the answer is Lovie. “Just doing some thinking.”

“Oh my God, Harrison, did you meet someone?”

That makes me laugh. If I told Eliza about how Lovie and I met, she’d choke. She and I never did anything like that.

In fact, I’d never done anything like that before that night. Something about Lovie brought it out in me. Seeing how reserved she was I had wanted to tug until she started to come undone.

“No—” I try, but it’s too late. If there’s one thing that’s true, it’s that Eliza still knows me. Despite everything.

“Don’t even try to lie to me,” Eliza laughs. “I knew there was something weird about your voice.”

“Weird?”

“You sound…happy,” she says, a bit sadly. I swallow. I am happy, knowing at the end of the day, I’ll get to go home and spend time with Lovie.

“Yeah, well, your voice sounds different, too.”

We sit in the silence for a second, then Eliza asks, haltingly, as though nervous to pose the question, “Harrison, do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive Brad?”

Even the sound of his name makes anger rise up inside me. Eliza is one thing—our relationship was suffering, and I wasn’t being a good husband to her. But Brad?

He was supposed to be my best friend. And best friends don’t sleep with their friends’ wives.

“I don’t know,” I manage, even though I want to say that it’s probably not going to happen. This conversation has been pleasant enough, and I don’t want to dampen it with my feelings about her husband.

It’s not the answer she wants to hear—I know that.

“Okay. Well,” Eliza says, and I picture her shaking her head, running a hand through her hair briskly to keep it out of her face. “I’m glad you’re happy. And I hope you don’t do anything to fuck this relationship up.”

I think about her and Brad, building their life together, in a little pocket of the world that I’ve been shut away from.

For a long time, I told myself that it was just circumstance keeping me away from them, but it’s been me, too.

Avoiding any apologies, ignoring calls. Never wanting to let that bridge form between us again.

“Yeah,” I say. “You, too.”

That makes her laugh, and when I hang up, I know that I need to do something to show Lovie how much I care about her. Things with Eliza may have gone to shit, but I can use it as an opportunity to learn, to value the woman I have while I have her.

Turning on my heel, I pick up the phone on my desk, raise it to my ear, and place a call to the Blue Crab’s transportation coordinator just down the hall.