Page 2 of Midnight Whispers (Forbidden Entanglements #1)

Chapter Two

T he funeral was a blur. Riley Palmer remembered sitting on the hard folding chair in the funeral home next to his cousin Leanne and his Aunt Shelly. He couldn’t even paraphrase part of the sermon. After the funeral, people told him what a lovely job the pastor had done. But all Riley remembered thinking about was how numb he felt. He’d wondered when it would wear off. He was still waiting to feel something.

Riley lay in bed. He didn’t know what time it was. It was late enough in the day to get a phone call. Not super early in the morning. He could hear the music of his ringtone from wherever his phone was. He couldn’t remember where he’d left it. All he knew was that it wasn’t in his bedroom. It wasn’t the first time he’d let a call go to voicemail.

He told himself he should roll out of bed. He needed to be an adult. The rent was due soon and he might be late paying the light bill. He wasn’t even sure how much money was in his account. He hadn’t checked it since his mother landed in the hospital. He hadn’t been to work since then, either.

He wasn’t sure how long he lay there. It could have been an hour since his phone rang, or even longer. When someone pounded on the door, it startled him.

He pushed the covers off and sat up on the bed.

When someone knocked again and a deep voice said, “Welfare check”, he answered the door.

A police officer stood on his stoop. “Your family called for a welfare check. Do you need help?”

He didn’t, but he understood someone had been worried about Riley enough to ask for a welfare check. Riley thought he knew who it might have been. “I’m fine.”

“Are you unharmed?”

“Yes.”

“Do you need mental health services?”

Probably, but he wouldn’t tell the cops that. All the cop was really asking was if Riley was a danger to himself. He wasn’t. He just couldn’t work through the grief. Not that the electric company, his landlord, or his boss at the appliance store cared. “No, sir.”

The cop nodded. “Call your family. They’re worried.”

“I will, sir. Thank you.” Riley shut the door after the cop left and went to the kitchen. He started a pot of coffee.

The kitchen was a mess. Dishes had been in the sink for days. They had food crusted on them, and they smelled horrible. A half-empty bottle of vodka sat on the table next to a shot glass. He picked up the bottle, walked to the back door, and threw it into the backyard. After he finished, he shut the door and sank to the floor.

He didn’t fight the emotions. It was like a tsunami in his soul, and he knew he had to be okay feeling whatever he felt. He had little choice in the matter. But he had to wonder if maybe the numbness was better.

It had been easier. Not feeling anything. Not moving through life. Lying in bed for so long might not have gained him much, but it hadn’t been as difficult as the flood of sadness that took over.

Other people kept living. The phone calls and the welfare check were proof of that.

His phone rang again. It must be somewhere close by, just based on the loudness of the ringtone music. He didn’t answer. Not right away. But by the time he calmed down, he was ready to talk to whoever kept blowing up his phone.

He felt drained, as if he’d run a marathon instead of crying. His body felt heavy, but something loosened inside his chest. Whatever pain the numbness held, the tears had been set free. The pain still felt like a prison but less of one. He was out of solitary confinement at least. He hadn’t even realized the pain had been there all along until it moved inside his body, taking up so much space there wasn’t room for anything else.

He discovered his phone on the coffee table and grabbed it. It was his dad and brother in equal measure.

He called his dad first. His father was most likely the one who sent the cops to his door. Given that he was the sheriff of Fortune Falls, he’d probably been called to check on people too. They didn’t have a close relationship, and they weren’t close geographically, either. So Riley wasn’t sure what sort of life his dad led.

“Riley. Are you okay?”

“Fine.” He’d been saying that a lot since his mother’s death. It was the biggest lie he’d ever told.

“I’m worried about you, son.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.”

He almost apologized again but stopped himself. “Okay.”

“Are you going to make me come there?”

“Is that a threat? Like saying ‘don’t make me come over there’.” Riley smiled, probably for the first time since the day his mother collapsed in the kitchen. He hadn’t been sure he’d ever be able to smile again. But something about seeing the number of times his dad and brother called him and then hearing the worry in his dad’s voice made him feel less alone. His heart felt a little lighter.

His dad chuckled. “Something like that, yeah.” And then he sobered. “I know I haven’t been in your life much. I’m sorry about that. I’d like that to change.”

“Why are you saying this now, Dad? We could have had this conversation when Mom was alive.”

“You had a purpose there. One I might not have liked, but we both know you wouldn’t have left her.”

“She was sick.” Alcoholism was a disease. His mother didn’t love alcohol. She hadn’t wanted to be addicted to it. It was a hole that Riley couldn’t pull her out of.

“I know, son. I’m sorry for a lot of how your life turned out.” At first, Dad’s comment made Riley want to defend his mother. But he’d had to parent himself for most of his life. The only time he’d had a parent was when he visited his father.

His brother had a different mother. She was great, even to Riley whenever he visited. She was the motherly type. Unlike Riley’s mom.

“I couldn’t go to college.” He wasn’t sure why he said it. Maybe because he’d been angry with his mother for taking college away from him. But he felt guilty for blaming her when she couldn’t really help herself. She couldn’t get past the addiction enough to become well again. Riley hadn’t been able to have a life outside of work and being his mother’s caregiver.

Was guilt part of the grieving process? He could finally start his life because he hadn’t been able to save her. All he had done was watch her deteriorate like damp, worm-eaten wood.

“Fortune Falls has Dinsmore College.” That was all his dad said. Of course, he’d mentioned it throughout the years, especially since Riley graduated from high school. It was just another way for his dad to let him know he didn’t understand Riley’s choices. What was Riley supposed to do? Let her rot? It was bad enough that she did anyway. Without him, she would have died a lot sooner. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind about that.

“I’ll think about it.” And for the first time in his life, he meant it.