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Chapter Twenty-Seven

LACIE

I walk off the dropship after arguing with Briar this morning, who thought it was too soon for me to return to work.

No matter how many ways I put it, I couldn’t make her understand that my mind is my worst enemy right now and that in order for me to heal, I need to do something.

Lying around in our room doing nothing was driving me crazy, especially after discovering the mark on my hip.

Once I did, the questions only doubled, and I know MeK’s the only one who can answer them, but I don’t know if I’m ready to face him yet.

My heart is torn, and several times, I’ve wondered if I’d been too hard on him, since after all, he’s still here .

.. He didn’t leave like he was told to, but . .. well, there are just too many buts.

As I walk off the ship, people smile, heading off to their own positions, and I’m thankful that only a handful of them know what really happened. If anyone asks about my wrist, I’ve decided to say I was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. I’m not lying, it’s just none of their business.

When James commed me last night asking if I was ready to come back to the fields, I could’ve hugged him.

I made sure to eat before I left our rooms this morning because I didn’t want to go to the pavilion and possibly bump into MeK .

As I head straight to the fields, I make myself look straight ahead and not toward the houses being built, only hesitating slightly when I don’t hear the sound of his hammer.

Then I wonder where he is or if he even knows I’ve left the ship.

He thinks that I haven’t noticed him, but he’s been like a ghost hovering above me or a shadow watching from a corner. Everywhere I’ve turned on that ship, I’ve caught a glimpse of his dark skin before it’s gone.

Briar has asked me a dozen times about what happened, but I just can’t …

nor will I ever speak of it. It holds enough power over me in my mind now, and I simply refuse to speak it back into existence.

Just as I’m clearing the tree line, I see movement off to my right, and before I can react, a small black ball of fur pounces in front of me.

Bending down, I hold my hand out as he approaches me slowly. It’s like he has to make sure it’s me. The second I pass the sniff test, he bounces all around me as I rub his rough, spotted coat. I giggle when he raises up on his back legs so that he can put his head against mine.

“ How did you find me out here, little one? Oh my goodness, I think you’ve grown since I saw you last.”

“ I found him out here in the field, holding one of your gloves in his mouth. Apparently , someone has been looking for you. I was just bringing him some treats when I saw you walking ahead of me. I knew he would be excited. The kits are quite cute when they are small, but he will grow up to be quite the killer unless trained. Does he have a name?”

MeK’s rich voice flows over me, and I close my eyes, gathering my strength to face him. Gathering the little Suet up in my arms, I turn around only for my heart to hit my throat. God , why does he have to be so handsome? What is it about him that makes me want him so?

“ Hmm , well now that you mention it no, but let’s see if he likes any of these.

Shadow ? …nothing … Onyx ? … nope. Maybe he’ll like this one …

Kiki .” He perks right up, looking straight at me.

“ Well , it’s settled then. They always pick their own names.

” Scratching behind his ear, I act like I’m whispering to him, “ Did you hear that Kiki , the big, mean man, said you’re going to be a killer, but you’s just a baby, ain’t ya? You just want some kitty love.”

MeK hands me a couple pieces of meat, and I tear them up before handing Kiki smaller portions as he settles on my shoulder. MeK stands there watching our every movement while Kiki gently takes each piece from my fingers as he leans against my head.

“ He seems quite attached to you, Lacie .”

“ He saved my life, so I owe him everything.”

“ Then , so do I . How are you feeling?”

“ Are we really going to do this, MeK … this small talk?”

“ I will do whatever it takes as long as you will speak to me.”

Mustering what courage I have left, I force the words out of my mouth. “ I need to know something. I found a mark on my hip, MeK — I’m not sure what it is, but I didn’t get it until we ... well, you know what we did. Do you know what it is?”

“ It’s a mate mark, Lacie . I have one as well, as you can see.”

He turns slightly, and right in the exact same spot is a mark that matches mine.

However , he has cut his tool belt, and the symbol is shining brightly for all to see.

I , on the other hand, have put a piece of gauze over mine because I didn’t want people to ask me about something I had no idea where it came from.

“ So , is this mark why you said I was your mate?”

“ It helped confirm it, yes.”

“ What you’re not saying is that up until it appeared, you felt nothing for me. Is that right? Never mind, I don’t want to know that answer. Have a nice day, MeK . I need to get to work.” His words stop my next steps.

“ I was drawn to you from the very first moment I saw you walk off that shuttle.

Everything and everyone else simply disappeared.

My eyes would search for you in the crowds, and I even came to the pavilion for sustenance, although all I need is already on my ship.

I did not understand the feelings that were flowing through my mind then, any more than I do now, Lacie .

I have no words to explain why I am this way …

but I am sorry for hurting you simply because I did not know how to handle the situation, and I know that is not a good enough excuse.

I sincerely apologize for my continued lack of understanding regarding your needs.

However , I remain committed to assisting you and your people.

In time, I pray you will find it within yourself to forgive my shortcomings.

I miss you, your laughter, those smiles. The way your mind works and the way you make me feel. My world is so much brighter with you in it.”

As his words sink in, I shake my head, looking everywhere but at him.

I need time to think about them, and I’m just not there yet.

My heart is too raw, and the pain is too recent.

Vedece told me about the confrontation he had with the Commander while I was in the medical facility.

I’m sure he was not expecting that reaction from his father over a human girl.

So much has happened that I don’t know what to believe and what not to.

Part of me aches to forgive him, and the other tells me to run like hell.

Nonetheless , I just can’t do this right now.

“ Thank you for the truth, MeK . I’m sure you have things you need to be overseeing today, and I don’t want to worry James if I’m late.”

I can tell he wants to say something else, but I don’t give him the chance. Picking Kiki off my shoulder, I quickly set him down on the trail beside me. “ Come on, little one.”

I can feel MeK’s eyes boring into my back, and without thinking about it, I rub the mark on my hip when it flares up.

Kiki walks calmly beside me like he has been there his entire life.

When James and Trenton both walk out of the large holding area, he gets in front of me, hissing at them.

Bending down, I rub his back affectionately.

“ They’re the good guys, Kiki , but you are such a brave boy protecting me like that.

” I have to giggle when he pushes against my legs like he’s trying to get me to back up.

“ I see you’ve made a friend, Lacie ”, James calls out as he walks toward me through the field.

“ Yeah , he’s attached himself. Hopefully , he won’t be too much bother while I’m working.”

“ At least we won’t have to worry about mice or rabbits eating the plants.”

“ Do we have mice?”

“ Not that I know of, no.”

We both laugh, and for just a second, my heart doesn’t feel so heavy.

“ Come on, today I have the perfect job for a one-armed employee. We are planting seeds in some of these new biodegradable pots that SCOUT sent. We need to see how they’ll grow, and that’s the one job when it comes to farming that drives me nuts.

But it’s easy, so you can sit on your butt and do it all day. ”

“ Sounds good to me, lead the way.”

James arranges everything around me, and he’s right that this is so boring a monkey could be taught to do it.

Eventually , Kiki gets tired of being cooped up inside the crate container with me, and I let him out to play when he starts scratching on the door.

I’m not sure exactly what to do with the little guy.

If I had a place of my own, it would be easier, but I know I can’t take him back to the ship, and I hate to ask MeK .

Maybe BuK would watch out for the little fur ball?

I’ll have Briar ask him, since there’s no way he’ll say no to her.

Finishing the last of the bowls, I make my way outside, only to find Kiki and MeK playing tug of war with one of my old gloves.

I hesitate to interrupt them as a rare smile graces MeK’s face.

Why I care, I have not a clue, but my mind tells me …

fuck him and the horse he rode in on … My heart stands here admiring the beauty that he does not see when he looks in the mirror.

My emotions going back and forth are slowly wearing me down inside.

I really wish my mind, and my heart would stop fighting each other.