Page 23 of Meet Me in a Mile

Twenty-Three

Lydia

L ydia woke up Tuesday before her alarm, her body still in training mode, still prepared for what would usually be a short run day. She flopped back on her pillow, trying to find sleep again, but the routine was so ingrained in her body, it practically begged her to get out of bed. To stretch and hydrate and meet Luke at the gym.

The fact that there would be no more meetings with Luke, that she’d never turn up to find him waiting for her at the front desk, slammed into her like a pallet of bricks, and she rolled out of bed to stop herself from being crushed by the weight of the thought.

Instead, she puttered around her bedroom, dressing slowly, gathering her work things, but even with taking her time and savoring her coffee, it was still too soon to leave for work. She suspected it was going to take weeks to break out of the habit of getting up this early, and the last thing she wanted to do was spend more time at the office.

Her thoughts drifted to the gym again. She had no reason to go there. No reason to walk through those doors.

Well, maybe, one reason—she still had to clean out her locker. She thought about texting Ashley and asking her to do it, but then she’d have to admit to her sister that she’d quit the race. She didn’t know what Ashley would think and she couldn’t bear another reaction like Luke’s. Disappointment was the kind of thing that sat uncomfortably between her shoulder blades. She didn’t need anything else weighing her down.

But she should at least go back to collect her spare clothes and water bottles and whatever else she’d accumulated these last five months. Lydia grabbed her laptop bag and the rest of her work things and headed out the door. She was at the gym less than twenty minutes later.

When she walked through the door, Dara waved, giving no indication that Luke had told her Lydia was quitting the race. “Morning.”

“Hey.” Lydia swung by the desk. “Is Luke in?” she asked, wanting the answer to be yes and no at the same time.

Dara shook her head. “No, I think he’s taking some vacation or something.” Her brow furrowed. “Didn’t he... He didn’t tell you?”

“Oh, right,” Lydia said. “No, yeah, he did tell me. I just popped by to grab something from my locker.” She tapped the desk in farewell. “Talk to you later.”

She turned away before Dara could see the thoughts spinning through her eyes. Luke on vacation? Maybe it wasn’t connected to their fight, or maybe he’d needed some space afterwards, the same way she wished she could get space from Jack and Poletti’s. But never setting foot in the conference room again wasn’t an option for her, and as much as Luke might try to avoid this place, at some point he’d have to return to his clients.

Well, Lydia could certainly make it easier on him by not being here when he did.

She hurried to her locker, throwing it open. She pulled out numerous reusable water bottles, making room in her workbag to accommodate them. She jammed the water bottle Jack had given her at the bottom, trying not to think about how giddy she’d been when he gave it to her. That felt like a different lifetime entirely. A different Lydia. She pulled out her spare socks and sports bras and shoved them down the sides, her workbag now threatening to burst. As Lydia smoothed her hand along the side of the bag, it caught on a paper. She pulled it out, realizing it was the training plan Luke had given her yesterday—a series of short runs and rest days, except for her missed twenty miles.

Lydia sat down against the bank of lockers. She’d gotten awfully close to the end. What a shame. Her eyes drifted down to her watch. She was still too early for work. And she had no desire to aimlessly wander the city. Her eyes drifted across the gym to the room that housed the treadmills. What she really wanted was a run. Just a couple miles. Luke wasn’t here, so it wasn’t like she had to worry about bumping into him, and she had time to spare.

Decided, Lydia stood, put her bag in her locker, and took her activewear to the bathroom to change.

When she was ready, Lydia walked into the room with the treadmills and climbed onto one. She started a slow jog, letting her thoughts get swallowed up by the sound of her breathing and the thump of her feet as she counted down the miles. One, then two, then three.

What she wanted more than anything was for this run to clear her head. She wanted to shake free her frantic thoughts, but with every step they grew more jumbled. Jack. Luke. Poletti’s. Proposals. It was like cutlery rattling around inside her, knives scraping and forks prodding at the tender thoughts.

She reached five miles and knew it wasn’t enough. Everything was still a mess.

She’d quit the marathon. Jack had taken advantage of her desire to prove herself. Poletti’s was feeling less and less like home. And the idea of never talking to Luke again made her want to be sick. She took a deep breath, focusing on her form, relaxing her shoulders, and settled into her stride for miles six and seven. But what the hell was she really doing here?

Why had she even come back?

She wasn’t a runner.

This was the biggest farce of her life. Lydia slowed, her heart pounding, and grabbed her phone from the cupholder on the treadmill. She texted Erik: I’m taking a personal day.

Everything okay? came his reply.

Yes , she texted back despite wanting to say no.

She’d quit the race. She’d ruined things with Luke by practically throwing his feelings back in his face. Lydia started jogging again, trying to shake his words from her memory.

Mostly, she tried to rid herself of the memory of her own reaction. I thought you understood what we agreed to.

But did she even understand? She’d fallen into bed with him over and over again. Part of her had known it was breaking the boundaries they’d set, but a bigger part hadn’t cared. Why not? Because she wanted him? Because things between them were shifting and changing without her realizing? Maybe she’d been ignoring it. Purposely trying to avoid acknowledging that she and Luke had become more than casual bedfellows or training partners. More than friends.

In her head, Jack had been the perfect crush. In reality, he wasn’t who she wanted. She’d been clinging too tightly to a dream, to a fantasy version of her life, and Luke had snuck up on her. He’d crashed into her world, quite literally, but she’d been too attached to this idea of her life to notice that he’d become her person. He was the one helping her chase her dreams. Cheering her on from the sidelines. Listening to her ramble about work. He’d helped make her youth center design a reality. He was constantly going out of his way for her. And though they might not be chasing the same dreams, maybe it was better that way?

But if that was the truth, why had she worked so hard to push him away? She reached mile ten before she had an answer.

You jump into things without thinking them through , Ashley’s voice echoed in her head. Ashley was right, she did jump into things. This marathon. Being Jack’s proposal partner. And look how those things had ended. Maybe she’d been working so hard not to catch feelings for Luke because she was trying not to let this be one of those things she jumped into and ruined. She hadn’t wanted to hurt him. She’d admitted that. Acting like it was never real, like Luke never meant anything to her, was supposed to stop this from happening. But she’d still ruined it and now Luke thought she didn’t care...that she didn’t return his feelings.

Lydia’s chest constricted.

She did share his feelings. She had for a long time. Pretending that things between them were a mistake was supposed to prevent her from losing him. It hadn’t worked out that way. And the truth was, she wanted a future with him in it.

She wanted to see where these feelings might lead if given the chance, because she deserved someone like Luke. She’d just had to get out of her own head and let go of all the expectations she’d set for herself long enough to realize that. She had to figure out a way to tell him, to apologize, to thank him for helping her realize that in order to run toward something, she had to let go of the things holding her back.

Even if that was the old version of herself.

Yesterday, she’d been ready to quit this marathon knowing that no one at Poletti’s was ever going to take her more seriously for running it. But here she was today, almost twelve miles in, sweat dripping down her back. She might have jumped into this marathon without thinking, but remembering all the training hours, the early mornings, the muscle aches, made her think she was doing the right thing now. Sure, the race was for charity, but she’d also changed these past five months, and that wasn’t because she was trying to impress someone at work. So, she would finish what she started, not for Jack or Luke or even the youth center, but to prove to herself that she could do it. Luke had given her the rest of her training plan. She had all the tools she needed to complete this: the stamina, the knowledge, the drive. Luke had made sure of that. Just focus on the next step. The next mile.

Nothing existed beyond that.

She’d finish this twenty-mile makeup run today. Then she’d work on crossing that finish line. And hopefully, somewhere along the way, Luke would forgive her for almost giving up on herself.