Page 29 of Married to the Cruel Highlander (Unwanted Highland Wives #5)

29

“W here are we goin’?” Ersie asked, taking two steps to his one.

“Ye will see,” Keith huffed.

He had grabbed only a blanket on their way through the ground floor and then down through the kitchens and out through the gardens. She hadn’t used that exit during her investigation, but it wasn’t on the side facing the loch. She looked up to try and find the watchtower, but she couldn’t see it either.

This exit wasnae used, to be sure. But then again, it doesnae matter now, does it?

She followed him through the upper gardens and then further up the hill into a small clearing. The clearing was tucked far enough from the castle and just high enough above the gardens to catch the sun without the chill.

Ersie stood still for a moment, letting the warm breeze lift her hair as she took in the quiet. It was peaceful here—too peaceful, given the turmoil twisting like a blade in her chest.

Keith laid out the blanket with practiced ease, his brow furrowed like it always was when he focused on the most mundane of tasks. His movements were precise, almost ritualistic. She noticed the tension in his shoulders, the way he avoided looking at her for too long.

“I dinnae ken why ye brought me all the way up here,” she said, her arms crossed, her voice teasing but edged with curiosity. “Seems like a lot of trouble for a wee thank ye.”

Keith smirked, shooting her a look over his shoulder. “Seems like ye deserve more than a wee thank ye, lass.”

“Is that right?” she drawled, raising an eyebrow. “Because if this is yer way of showin’ gratitude, Laird MacAuley, I might need to pause the investigation so I can stay longer.”

He chuckled, that rare and disarming sound that made her heart stutter. It wasn’t often that she heard him laugh, but when she did, it felt like a secret.

He gestured to the blanket. “Sit, before I change me mind and toss ye in the pit.”

“Such a romantic,” she muttered but obeyed, lowering herself beside him.

The breeze rustled through the tall grass, and the loch shimmered in the afternoon light like glass.

Keith nudged her shoulder.

“What was that for?” she asked.

He grinned. “Ye looked too peaceful. Thought I might fix it.”

Ersie leaned into him, pushing him back with her shoulder and then her weight until he toppled onto his back with a grunt.

“Och! Brute,” he growled, feigning outrage.

She hovered above him, her hair tumbling down, casting shadows over her face. “Ye like it.”

He didn’t reply—just stared up at her. His hands found her waist, his fingers curling with restraint.

Then, she kissed him. Fierce and hungry, lips parting, breaths catching. Her fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him deeper into the moment. His arms locked around her, one hand cradling the back of her head, the other splayed along her spine.

There was nothing gentle about it—nothing shy or hesitant. It was heat and fury and everything they shouldn’t want but did.

They didn’t speak as their mouths moved together, the sun warming their skin and the scent of wildflowers curling around them.

When they finally broke apart, she rested her forehead against his, her eyes fluttering shut.

“Ciaran told me ye were planning to leave yer warrior life behind.”

Ersie’s breath hitched. Not anticipating this parry, her eyes flashed open and met his. “Aye.”

“Why?” he pressed.

Ersie leaned back and let her spine straighten as she thought about it.

Why…

I’ll start at the beginning, I suppose.

“I was ten,” she started, her voice barely above a whisper. “I was ten when I first held a sword longer than me arm. Nay one took me seriously. But I kept fightin’. I became good at it. I had to. Because if I stopped, I’d have to feel things instead.”

Keith was silent for a long moment, his thumb brushing her waist.

“Ye ken about me maither, what happened in that fire,” she continued, her voice low. “Watched the smoke curl up from the roof and knew she was inside. I ran in after her after watching me faither leave us. She was trapped and made me jump out of the window. Since then, I’ve promised never to lose someone I loved again. Even more so, to never let anyone get close enough to me to love.”

He looked at her then. Really looked. She tried to hide the pain in her eyes, the rawness still there after all these years, but she couldn’t. She knew that he could see it all.

“That’s why ye watch over them all.”

She nodded.

“After losing Mairead and the bairn, I couldnae let anyone get close to me. I mean, Lucas was with me through it all, and we grieved together, but that was it. I didnae let anyone in. Nay lasses. Nay friends. Nay alliances.”

Ersie remained silent and listened intently, memorizing his features. Cataloging the intonation of his voice.

“I didnae love her—Mairead. I was more so mourning the loss and the situation than the woman,” Keith said, as if the harsh reality of their situation was some kind of reassurance to her.

“The Kitarnes are a hardened lot. Strategy first. Strategy above all else. But she was a fine wife, and during the twelve minutes she had with our son, she loved him.”

A lump formed in her throat as Keith’s voice wavered.

“Nae even cold from death, the bairn joined her…”

The sun began to dip lower in the sky, casting golden light across the loch.

“I ken how ye feel. I ken why ye are hardened to the normal life of a lady. I wish I could hide from me position as ye have. It has served ye well.”

They sat up then, shoulder to shoulder. The air around them shifted as Ersie took a deep breath.

I have to tell him.

“I’m angry, though. I’m angry and sad and feeling alone. Now that this is over, I will have to head back to MacAitken Keep with Ciaran.”

Keith tensed beneath her. “I ken.”

She inched back, pulling her knees to her chest. “This…” She gestured between them. “It was never meant to be what it has become. We both said so.”

“Aye, ye called me yer friend. I remember.” His voice was hoarse.

She blushed and smacked his shoulder. “Keith, I’m being serious. This cannae go on any further.”

“Why nae?”

“If the situation was different, mayhap. But it’s nae.”

“If the situation was different, if I could?—”

She pressed her fingers to his lips. “But it’s nae different. The situation is what it is. I cannae. Ye cannae. We cannae.”

He nodded, his eyes burning with something too deep to name.

They sat there in silence, the distance between them greater now than any miles could measure.

The air had grown heavier with each unspoken word as they sat side by side beneath the dying sun. Ersie could feel the tremors coursing through him.

It was silent, too silent. And she knew what was coming.

“What is it?” she asked sharply.

“Nothin’. Dinnae fash, lass. I’ll be fine.”

“Just say it. I dinnae ken how much longer Ciaran will want to stay, now that it’s all over.”

“Ye dinnae have to go,” Keith finally said, his voice gruff and low, his gaze fixed on the glen below.

Ersie exhaled slowly. She folded her hands in her lap, keeping her tone even. “Ye ken well enough that I do.”

“Lass, ye ken that ye dinnae have to.”

“I must, Keith. It’s nae proper anymore.”

“Why? Because yer braither says so? Because of duty?” Keith snapped, standing abruptly and beginning to pace the soft earth like a caged beast.

She looked up at him, her spine straight, her jaw tight. “I’m leaving with me braither because I’m still his second-in-command. I’m still in his service. I’m leaving because it’s what’s right. Aye, duty .”

Keith’s hands clenched into fists. “Right, for who? Nae me. Nae ye.”

“Keith—”

“So ye will stay in service until what? When? When ye meet a man who willnae flinch or grimace at yer hardened body? When ye find a man worthy enough to hold a candle next to ye? A laird or a noble to stand next to Lady Ersie?”

“What are ye on about? Ye ken very well that I must get married, as is me duty. If I’m nae in service, I must get married.”

“Aye, I ken that well enough—I hope I’ll be invited to the weddin’. Maybe then ye’ll realize the mistake ye’re makin’.”

She stood up then, her movements swift and deadly. “Mistake? Ye’re the one who told me to leave!”

“Leave? I never told ye to leave.”

“Did ye nae just threaten me only days ago?”

“I threatened to claim ye! To make ye mine, Ersie! Mine! I mean, Christ Almighty—I’ve tasted every inch of ye! I ken yer body, and nae as a friend!”

“That was lust, and a mistake, and ye ken well to forget it, Keith.”

“We work, Ersie. This works, somehow,” he barked. “ We work better than anyone I’ve ever kenned. I see ye—truly see ye. And I ken ye see me.”

She twisted, facing him. “That’s exactly the problem. I do see ye. All of ye. The good and the dark. And ye see me. And we are both too much for each other. Ye feel it, same as I do.”

He laughed bitterly, shoving a hand through his hair. “So what, then? We go back to pretendin’ that this… this thing never happened?” He waved his hand between them. “Ye go back to MacAitken, and I stay here and just let ye go?”

“Aye,” she said, her voice softer now. “And we treasure it. We hold it close. But we dinnae make it worse by drawin’ it out. What’s done is done. Ye’ve said ye dinnae wish to remarry.”

His face darkened. He clenched his fists so tightly they turned white. But he said nothing else.

The wind was picking up as they stood. The air between them, once so charged with unspoken words and soft looks, now burned with fury.

“Why did ye bring me here?” Ersie snapped, her arms folded tight, her chin raised like a shield.

Keith’s jaw clenched. “Because I needed to talk to ye where nay one else could overhear me lose me goddamn mind.”

“Well, congratulations, Me Laird . Ye’re well on yer way,” she bit back, turning to leave.

“Ye think I dinnae see what’s happenin’?” he called after her. “Ye think I’ve nae noticed the distance ye have put between us even now? As if what we had meant nothin’?”

She blinked and then steeled herself. “What we had was stolen moments. Weaknesses we gave in to. That’s all.”

“Any man with an honorable bone in his body would wed ye for those weaknesses alone,” he growled. “I as good as claimed ye.”

Ersie scoffed. “Ye didnae. And I didnae accept.”

Her face was stoic, but the flush blooming across her cheeks betrayed her.

“I reckon I’m still pure for whomever I might wed,” she continued coldly. “But it willnae be ye.”

“Why nae?” His voice cracked with disbelief.

She laughed bitterly. “Why would ye want me? I’m a warrior, nae a lady. It’s nae a strong match. Just because we’ve fooled around doesnae tie ye to me. Me honor is me own to manage, nae ye or anyone else. Ye arenae indebted to a life with someone ye should marry. Nay, ye deserve better than marrying out of duty, again .”

“Better than a woman who rides better than half me men, fights like a Highland tempest, and somehow still has the gall to blush like a maiden when I speak plainly?” He stepped toward her. “Ye will be rootin’ yer next alliance in a lie.”

Her eyes flashed with fire. “And who’s going to tell him? Ye? Will ye show up at me wedding and ruin me in front of all the Highlands? A lifetime of work and skill and war, ruined by a jealous laird?”

Keith’s nostrils flared. “Dinnae test me, Ersie.”

“Why nae? Ye already tested me enough. Ye think yer council will let ye marry me? Ha! They’d string ye up before lettin’ the ruined MacAitken claim their Laird’s heart.”

“Say ye dinnae want me then, lass.”

They were inches apart now. Her chest rose and fell with fury. His hands twitched at his sides.

“Say it,” he whispered.

She didn’t.

“Say it, and I’ll leave ye alone.”

But she couldn’t. Her mouth opened, but the words wouldn’t come.

He leaned in, so close that she felt his breath on her cheek. Her eyes fluttered, her heart pounding.

An image flashed through her mind—him, right there, against the tree, claiming her fully.

But he didn’t.

He stepped back.

“That’s what I thought,” he said, his voice hoarse.

Ersie didn’t flinch.

Keith watched her, his eyes shadowed.

The painful silence stretched between them.

He swallowed. “I wish this wasnae over so soon. We had three more days. Three more left of the promise ye made. We should have had more time.”

Her lips twitched into a sad smile. “So ye could keep me around longer?”

He looked at her like she was a lifeline and nodded. “Aye.”

She laughed then, half choked, half broken, and closed the space between them.

“This is probably the last time we will see each other, Keith,” she said, her fingers curling into his shirt. “We shouldnae be arguing anymore. I want this to be a good memory.”

“Then kiss me, warrior,” he murmured.

Their lips met, long and slow and aching with all the things they couldn’t say.

It wasn’t rushed. It was reverent.

When they pulled away, his forehead rested against hers.

“Still time before dark.”

As they started to walk back, the unspoken words hung between them like fog. Longing and regret, none of it voiced. None of it denied.

Whatever they were, whatever they could have been, would be left behind in that clearing. Forgotten by everyone but them.